Editor-in-chief's selection of "apology" in the home sexual assault, is the nuclear explosion in the family

"Hell is what hell is, hell is itself." - T.S. Eliot

Apology is a letter from the edge of hell. If the injury starts with the family, can it be impossible, but also from the family? Let the damage stop here and not go back to the next generation.

A 52-year-old father, first touching her 5-year-old girl, then raping her and putting an adult's finger into her body, thought it was a game, and she didn't agree. And then he knew she would grow up, so come back, in the process of growing up, it necessary to belittle her, deny her, eliminate her, take her away, build authority over her, let her keep making mistakes, constantly apologizing, constantly thinking that she is low, just to make her her own, controllable, inseparable, all, is to let her not grow into her own.

At first he convinced himself that it was his father's love. He later discovered that he was jealous of his daughter. He twisted loves her, more worried that when she grows up, she will retaliate against him. In the end, he could only go all the way, through his hatred, anger, evil, missed to know her, missed the apology, missed reconciliation, and died.

"Apology" is the book of the surviving girl to regain the narrative rights in the family, in the father's mouth to find the lost truth - the role and significance of the apology. Apologies are any more possible than from the parties involved. And what it would be like if we longed to hear those words, the redemptions we desire, the kind sons and men we have the power to give.

This apology is not only for each other, but also for the family, and perhaps to this generation. (Recommended reading:17 pictures to understand sexual assault survivors: forgive, put down, heal, you decide)

Pictures . . . . . . . . .

Domestic sexual assault, a nuclear explosion in the home.

I've heard that the trauma of sexual assault is war-level for one person. So whether the sexual assault in the house is equivalent to the nuclear explosion that occurred in the home?

Eve Ensler, borrowing her father's mouth, returns to the scene, sketching out the contradictory scenes of sexual assault in the house - a five-year-old daughter, a few nights, an adult finger, several unspeakable games, behind which power and violence, she constructs dependence on her father, reverence and then weariness, competition, guilt and speechlessness to her mother, Losing, dissomuchation and re-snatching of her body autonomy, she went a long way, just to get back to herself.

The occurrence of a nuclear explosion, the impact is not only instantaneous, more destructive, is the future no longer time, time stopatmy at that moment, refused to walk away, her life, always with those nights entanglement - is not that sentence, has been inserted, can not be drawn out.

She remembered the days that followed, apologizing for it, verbally, verbally, spiritually.

Does a father have love for himself? Is the father intent on hurting himself? Is father evil? Did my father ever want to apologize to himself? In her life experience, she asks these questions repeatedly, and she becomes a victim before she understands the victim, she learns to hate herself before learning to love herself, and before she understands love, she sees violence with her eyes.

"Apology" narrative, but also has a deep gentle contemporaries, the person with the right to narrative, the right to interpret, she wants to choose how to understand all this, she wants to re-tell their story, she wants to redefine their history, she wants to take herself out of the cycle of anger and apology. (Recommended reading:#MeToo Story: My Life, Broken on the Day Of Sexual Assault)

So, further forward, look at the beginning of injury, the birth of evil - the father also served as a little boy, because of the hurt, learn to hurt the force and reaction. Behind empathy, put down the perception of pain, hurt so easy, and so fragile, by the injured learn to hurt people, copied to the next generation, repeatedly convince themselves, that is called love.

And if the perpetrator is not total evil, how do we understand this evil? Eveensler used a very fine pen, write evil thoughts behind, at first glance, he hates himself, he is also a nuclear explosion, hope that he died at the scene.

So what's an apology? Apology is an opportunity to be forgiven, only an opportunity, not for forgiveness;

And in the end, she gave him not revenge, but let him not miss an apology, she gave him the opportunity to forgive himself, she gave him forgiveness, and then she gave her strength.

She's a survivor of sexual assault, she's more powerful than him.