Have you ever heard the story of "Good friends live together and turn their faces together"? Why can i clearly be a friend, but not a roommate? Live with friends need attention, all for you to organize, want to live with friends before, may as well look at these five things!
"We're so good anyway, we don't have to adapt to new people if we live together!" A had been trying to get out of the crowded school dormitory, and he rushed to invite him to share it with him.
Living with a good friend, at first glance is a beautiful thing, can be all the time together, but also in the other side most need to accompany the warmth. But is that true? Although I have known A for three years, living together should be no big deal, but after all, I have never seen her at home, I always have some doubts about her invitation to "live together" .
Being a roommate may not be better than you might think, and there are few examples of "friends who are supposed to be friends and turn edined back to live together". What needs to be paid attention to when you need to pay attention to a friend's stay, so that you don't let a friend become a enemy? Here are five things you need to think about and discuss before you live with friends!
1. Understanding differences in each other's habits
Since you want to live together, you first have to understand each other's living habits on the differences, such as each other's activity time mainly during the day or night, need not need private space, whether to care about the clean environment and so on all kinds of "do not live together will not understand" habits.
And, of course, it may be difficult to tell all about your living habits for a while, so it is recommended to travel together or stay at each other's home for a night to get to know each other. (Recommended reading: How can we make friends like children when we become adults)
In pictures, "Bad Love In the Late Night"
2. Clarifying each other's living and physical boundaries/mine fields
Before living together, you can take the time to clarify each other's life and physical boundaries, such as: no bath can go to bed / garbage a day can not fall down / eat snacks can wait and then clean up and so on. In addition, physical boundaries need to be understood in advance to determine each other's acceptable range of physical boundaries, so as to avoid feeling uncomfortable.
Such lines, if known in advance, can assess whether they are suitable to live with friends, if you have absolutely not compromise mine, but friends do not care, then you may not be the best person to roommate!
3. How to calculate common services distribution/shared hydropower
Living together, anyway, "I'm all in" behind, but also represents "something to do together." Roommate's common affairs distribution, including supplies who want to buy, clean who is responsible, garbage who want to pour, etc. common affairs, all need to be discussed in advance. There is also the issue of water and electricity cost-sharing, which, because of the shared burden, may also require consensus on the use of a "reasonable" range of use.
Pictures: Roommate's Classic Quote stoa
4. What should a visitor do?
Go out, inevitably there will be friends to borrow their own home, about the frequency of visitors stay / norms, etc. , can also be discussed with friends in advance. Try to see, clearly is their home, if the day to night strangers, who will feel happy? Inform in advance, discuss with roommates, in addition to allowing friends to have a psychological preparation, but also respect! (Recommended reading: Too lazy to make new friends?) How to view social anxiety after the age of 25)
5. How can I express my feelings well?
It is also possible that the most difficult is not the above communication, but "how to speak out about their feelings and needs." After all, friends so close, you can also understand each other, if they actually have other ideas, will it be very hurtful feelings? Provide scant communication steps that allow you to communicate effectively without hurting your friends' feelings.
According to psychologist Marshall. In his book Non-Violence Communication: The Language of Love, Marshall B. Rosenberg's book, the following four steps are taken to have a "non-violent communication":
- Observation: Speak your "observation" with the other person first, without comment or judgment to describe the facts. I observed that you have recently taken a friend home very often.
- Feelings: Then try to express your "feelings" in a smooth tone to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. I think it makes me a little unhappy.
- Need: What "demand" causes you to feel the above? That's when you can say it. For example: Because I need more private space.
- Request: After you have said the above, you can try to make a specific "request". For example: I hope you can reduce the number of times you bring your friends home.
The above four steps, hoping to help you communicate with friends without hurting feelings (of course, it is highly recommended that you forward to a friend, let him and you have the same consensus).
Pictures: Roommate's Classic Quote stoa
Living together should be a wonderful thing, in advance to do a good job of communication and preparation, with a respectful mentality to live together, I believe you can get a close roommate! But if you're a roommate before you share a flat, it doesn't matter if you find that you're not suitable for roommates, who says you have to live together to be friends?
Finding ways to make each other comfortable and place each other in the most appropriate position in life may be the best way to do this friendship!