Interview with mother, after experiencing an affair, how do we continue to face each other's relationship?
(Review the last interview: Interview with Mom: The first time I heard the sound of love breaking down when the marriage went off)
It's not that the other person forgot to take care of you, it's that you forgot to take care of yourself first.
She was very grateful that the mother of the meat had held the hands of two people and said, otherwise, you live separately for a while, if after a month, or want to divorce, I will help you sign.
Standing in front of the house office, three people, pinching the same divorce certificate, become the same back - as if to say, in front of a long life, what should be repaired, go a good trip. We have never had anyone, greater than who.
After that day, they each had a chance to return to life without each other. In those days, she started going out to work, drinking coffee, writing blogs, exercising. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . But no matter what state you are in, you need to have a time to spend with yourself. 」
"In the past those days, I've been drowning in the words,'Why am I ugly when I get pregnant, why do you go outside and be nice to others?" in the emotion of the victimization. And such a aggrieved mood will only infinite steel, "you will feel that I need to be cared for, to be taken care of, you do not show me, is your king eight." Because you made me have to get pregnant and have a baby. Because at this time, you have fallen into the "victim situation".
"When you turn over old books, you're treating yourself as a victim and putting yourself in a poor situation. For a long time, you will really think of yourself as the most pathetic and vulnerable person. 」
"In that case, no matter how the other person appeases you, it's no use. Because you have to turn over the old account, your purpose is to ask the other person to obey you. But if you turn over once, twice, three times, he might feel like you're bored, thinking, "What exactly do you want?" 』」
And you may not be able to answer. You may even have been self-involved in the role of the victim; it will be a long time before you find out that being a victim doesn't save yourself. "That's an act that doesn't help. 」
She then spoke seriously about whether we were married or pregnant, we should all maintain our original interests in life. That's the healthiest thing: "As long as you give up anything you like because of your marriage, you'll come back one day and complain." 」
She knew that her father never wanted her to sacrifice herself. That was her own choice: "I felt that when I had a baby, I wanted to stay at home and stay with him." But I'm actually someone who needs to be outside. So staying at home always makes me very depressed, of course, can not take care of the children ... 」
And when you forget yourself first, many times, love you again want to help you, your heart has been like a wronged bottomless hole, and then how to fill in the dissatisfaction.
How to face an affair? "Ask yourself first if you want to forgive yourself."
In September, his father suffered a sudden stroke. Seeing her mother running back and forth at home, in the hospital, in the work room, a friend told her, "You're working so hard, I can't forgive him if I think he betrayed you before." 」
She then remembered those years, she may not have been unforgivable, but did not want.
What's that "don't" is? "When I need you most, you go to someone else", "I was born a woman, i made so many sacrifices to have children, you don't have to," or "You don't think you're doing too much regardless of what?" 」
Later, she found that she could not forgive herself.
"Sometimes it's you who don't want to forgive your self." One of the things she realized was, "Your persistence and unforgiving, but only to let yourself have a heart card there." So you seem to be constraining the other person, but at the same time you are tied up yourself. You will never be happy about it.
Marriage, she wants to say, is always a matter for two people. Do you try to communicate at the moment of what happens? Do you have the will to start the conversation? Is it really helpful to cling to each other's faults? Ask yourself these questions, and tell yourself that no one is perfect. You may make mistakes, and I may. The important thing is that you still don't want this relationship:
"Now there are so many temptations outside, medical beauty is so developed, coupled with human beings are primates, you can guarantee that you are married, you will not fall in love with others?" It doesn't seem logical. 」
"Instead, I think everyone has a chance to cheat. But the most important thing is, if this happened today, would you like to understand the reasons behind, together want to face and solve? 」
"And if you decide to go back to marriage, don't go back to the past." Because, the third party in the marriage may not only appear once. And most importantly, there is always the future.
Marriage is hard. No one has ever said it's easy. She recalls her 30 years old, surrounded by people constantly told her that you do not find a person to marry, the eggs will be old;
Maybe when you get married, You just don't want someone. But if two people's lives start to make you more burdensome, make you want to look for other arms, or start to miss the days of being single, then there must be something wrong with this.
And the relationship to this point, it is also very simple ah. Is to see the marriage appears in the foreign, naked, no bright, no longer dream imagination, and marriage is, you see through the thorns, the other side is still the one that makes you willing to continue to gently look forward to the existence of life?
No grievance, not bow, two people accompanied, is to hold your head. This is the day, I listened to the meat husband and wife good frank story, the mind surfaced a picture. (Interview Next:"He suddenly fell by stroke" Interview with Mother: Any relationship is the same, you won't always have each other)