Interview with Eve Ensler: "Our society keeps telling survivors that you have to try to forgive, which is strange"

Previous: Interview with Eve Ensler: "My father raped me and I never waited for his apology"

Eve Ensler's Apology is an unprecedented work. The surviving girl sought the narrative rights of the family and searched for the lost truth in the mouth of her violent father - what the role and meaning of the apology was.

What it would be like if we longed to hear those words, the redemptions we desire, the kinds of salvation we have the ability to give.

We have long misunderstood the apology, the apology is to liberate their own series of actions

Apologize, to move on. An apology may be liberated as survivors and perpetrators. 'We've long misunderstood the true meaning of the apology, ' Eve said.

"Apologizing should be a deep series of actions, and sorry is not the same as an apology. "I am sorry is not an apology."

Apology is never easy.

Even the process of apology, for men, may be extremely painful, must be honest with themselves, pain comes from honesty, you see the harm you have done, you recognize it, you fix it, after experiencing it, you get a very powerful freedom - about the function of catharsis.

You know you have the ability to fix and change and save yourself from the wrong things of the past.

Eve slowly disassembled and apologized for four steps.

The first is "backtracking", starting with looking back at the past and trying to ask myself, "What kind of patriarchal education have I received in growing up experience that has made us violent?" "What environment did I grow up in, toxic masculinity, how did the patriarchy teach us?" 」

This process requires digging, opening your eyes, examining your own childhood in depth, not to blame, but to see clearly how the source happens, no one is born a demon.

Then there's "Restore The Details," a careful reflection, and describe what he did, not just an understatement, not just rape, but "I pushed her to the wall," "I pulled her hair and threw her to the ground", "I took off her underwear", had to be very specific. And then ask myself what my purpose is, "Do I want to hurt her?" "Do I feel threatened by power and want to take it?" "Am I jealous of her?" 」

These are why, along with a deep understanding of yourself, you need to know why. Know why, only then the so-called commitment.

The third is "seeing the results", what effect does it have on her when you act in harm," and ask herself, "What is the physical, mental, spiritual impact on her?" "Has there been any long-term harm to her?" "How will it affect her for the rest of her life?" "How did she go through this?" 」

You need to know, what consequences your actions, pregnancy, and what undeniable physical harm you have left.

The last step is to take responsibility. Above, I know, all I do, I bear, I amend, I compensate, so that is the real responsibility. Only by going through this well can we have the ability not to repeat the same behavior.

"These steps are all suggesting that this will not happen again in the future. It is only by us that we can break out of a society where women are constantly violent. 」

We shouldn't ask survivors for forgiveness, and the apology is not for forgiveness.

I also asked her if an apology was accompanied by forgiveness.

"I've been worried about the word "forgiveness." Our society keeps telling survivors that you have to try to forgive, and I think it's a strange thing. 」

There is no inevitable link between apology and forgiveness, and the responsibility lies not in whether the survivor sits to forgive or not, but on whether the perpetrator can begin to apologize.

"Men have to go through the process of apology, knowing that they can "fix" compensation, that they "can" examine the past, that they "can" change, and that they are free from their behavior." 」

You can. It's true.

Apologize, not to be forgiven. Apology is to liberate yourself, to understand your mistakes deeply, to see deep injury, to give yourself a chance to be different and to start a different life.

Apologizing, feeling the promise, is a relief to both sides, and the nature of the matter is closer to forgiveness.

"I hope this book is a guide for men to start trying." We are all imperfect people, we all make mistakes, apologies are to keep moving forward, if we do not do, how do we move forward? 」

When apology becomes a movement, when men start to participate, it is possible that we can work together to address the issue of gender-based violence.

I believe that the surviving women, that is, the warriors

From the victim to the survivor to the leader, Eve says that the strongest force she has ever seen in the world is to walk past the surviving women. "They're a bunch of fighters, really. 」

Their bodies, once the scene of the injury, reminded them of the fact that they were violent every time they breathed. And this society keeps telling them - you're hurt, you're a victim, you're never going to be better, your future is just about solving the painful past.

"But we're really better, we're alive, we're stronger." Through that wound, they went back to their bodies, regained their strength, a billion survivors, a billion warriors. "Because we survived, we want to make sure that no one else has suffered the same thing as us." We don't even want to "just live", we want to "live well". 」

No one can hurt you anymore.

'For the rest of my life, it's real, ' she said, "and it's not just the rest of life, it's a big life, it's a great life." She's been through it, so she knows that she can actually choose not just to live "the life of the victim."

After being subjected to a storm, to some extent, the body is off state, off all imaginationand and feelings, because it will be afraid. Eve's eyes are gentle, she says, go back to your body, dance, do yoga, enjoy the comfort and true love of sex, back to the body, your inspiration, your imagination and the energy, will come back.

Finally asked her, there is nothing to say, "Anyway, to their own gentle, good to their own people, be kind to yourself, love yourself." And added, "You're not a man, you have allies, and we're all behind you." 」

If you have the opportunity, please recommend An Apology to your friends.

Postscript to an interview

After the interview, she gave a speech on the Hung Hom stage, facing more than a thousand people, first asking everyone to give themselves a round of applause. She said it was not easy for all here, they were people who were willing to solve problems. Can we stop first, give us around, so hard we, a hug.

"Women on the scene, it's not just a women's issue, we take it on the issue just because we're very willing to do it. Next, we're going to invite men to join us and learn to apologize. 」

Crowd passion, Buddha concert, i have some people around me, began to wipe tears.

The gender movement as a collective struggle may not need a leader, but Eve's breath is willing to follow, people are willing to believe that the direction of her fingers, there is a better future.

I remember her in the interview, before leaving, hugging me, saying thank you, and Young Lady willing to work for the world.

She convinced me that all of us were huge and strong erstia than we could have imagined.