As long as the date is good, promise not to do it first. Why do modern people love situationmore more than relationships? What kind of relationship experience is it, and with it, will it make us love happier?
Have you ever had someone like this -- you often subpoena each other, share each other's lives, meet many times a week, and have gone to bed. You like the moment you're with him and you feel like you're in love. You know you have some kind of need for him. But as the months passed, you never explained what they were related to each other. Because you talk about everything, but you just don't talk about each other's future.
So what's between you?
For this kind of dating mode, in fact, there is a new term in the dating market, called "situationship".
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Love is a family wine, we live for happiness: why do people start pursuing the situation?
American dating expert Damona Hoffman describes it as "playing a house wine" as "you pretend to be in a relationship and feel romantic and then meet your temporary needs." But it may not develop into a more stable or meaningful relationship. Because there is a lack of real commitment, consensus and trust in the future. In response, many attribute the emergence of the situation to the tendency of young millennials to avoid traditional emotional relationships.
Hoffman believes that it also stems from the boom in dating apps over the years, making such dating relationships more common. Ten years ago, you usually had to work a lot to get to know a new person. You want to go on a date, ask a friend, and your efforts often pay little. But now, the door to using dating software is lower. You can create an account in minutes and start pairing right away. This makes it easier for people to start a date, and it's going to go into wait-and-see mode -- because you've chosen more and faster -- and you'll keep waiting for someone to be better than it is now.
This relationship pattern seems to indicate a greater "casualness" to feelings. But Samantha Burns, an American dating expert, says it can still provide the intimate emotional connections people need to be truly friendly. And it gives us more imagination about emotional relationships and self-identity
By not settling down too early, you can have more opportunities and flexibility to explore yourself, and to tell the other person what you want, or what you like in bed. In a non-fixed relationship between freedom and unburdened, you can learn from what you are satisfied with and happy about.
Fortunately, you may have a deeper development because you have a better understanding and then a consensus on the future. As a relationship consultant, Alysha Jeney, adds, when each other wants to have the same thing, it's a satisfying situation.
But Perhaps I wouldn't be happier: What are the emotional pitfalls of the situation?
However, when we see this pattern of relationships, which allows people to keep open choices, it also becomes a haven for those who are afraid of commitment or emotional vulnerability.
Dating expert Neely Steinberg says that while it doesn't require commitment, get into the door low, and while it reduces short-term loneliness and distracts you, it doesn't teach people how to get to your own place.
When you need to be with you, you can quickly find an object; You may rarely realize that your loneliness, vulnerability, etc. are something that needs to be dealt with.
Then you may begin to feel empty and doubt your self-worth in countless object sin- and self-inflicted changes -- when you think you have to resolve your inner loneliness through others, you don't believe that you have the ability to be self-contained or to love yourself.
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It also allows you to stay in a shallow emotional level for long periods of time, which in turn prevents you from finding a truly stable, happy intimacy. When you maintain a comfortable but false relationship with the object, you don't really invest and pay -- you don't really know each other, you don't know what you really love or not, and it reflects that you don't know yourself.
Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist and author, notes in particular that "the situation is prone to situational inconsistencies in needs." When the relationship is blurred, such uncertainty often leads to unhealthy emotions such as anxiety, depression, frustration, resentment, and helplessness.
So, try to ask yourself, do you choose such an emotional state because you want to escape something, fear what? The situationship may seem relaxed and free, but it can also be an emotional trap -- it may seem to solve your sense of loneliness, but when you don't understand why you're lonely and vulnerable, that need will only be like a black hole, and more love and sex will fill it with.
Before you learn to swim in the emotional sea, you can only keep looking for driftwood. But your people, always in that ocean of uncontrollable drift.
How to "survive" in the era of situationship?
So what if I want to pursue an unburdened date and are afraid to fall into an emotional trap? How about smart talk about a situation?
First of all, in the process of engaging with others, you should be able to return to yourself at any time -- is that what I want? Is there anything weird about it? Try to trust your instincts and avoid finding answers in others.
Neely Steinberg also suggests that when you get into the situationship, "don't really indulge in it." You should say to yourself that this is a good opportunity to explore. Ask yourself more questions and when you feel happy and when you hate them. You'll make more and better choices as a result.
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Psychologist Carla Manly also says that such relationships often begin with loneliness, and that two people who desire to be with each other are easily close to each other. So you can start asking yourself, "Is this the person you want to continue to develop and commit to?" If you find that he is really a great companion, you can also try to communicate your thoughts honestly and your desire for the future. Doing so is your exercise of emotional honesty and the beginning of your self-importance.
And what if i'm rejected? Carla Manly thinks you can think of it as an emotional exercise. When you never run away and be able to face yourself well, you will find the one you want in other relationships in the future.
If you like, you honestly face that like. If you can't go on, you're not without success -- just because you're honest enough.
Kayla Knopp, a marriage and family researcher in the United States, notes that people like ambiguous relationships because it makes you feel safer. If you want how to love, how to carry out, can have more open space for discussion, we will not be closer to happiness? A little more ambiguous, a little more space, to you, also to myself.
As the world becomes more and more flat and has dazzling choices every day, people want to love, but they are afraid to love too fast -- let's go on a date first, okay? (Read Next:"Just want to be ambiguous with you, but don't want to develop seriously" Contemporary Love: Why is a cushioning fetal relationship addictive? ) )