Well-known psychiatrist Dr. Deng Huiwen talks about the middle-aged marriage crisis, in fact, when the marriage conflict, the role of a party is changing.
Does middle age represent the beginning of a marital crisis?
On November 10th, psychiatrist Deng Huiwen spoke at the Society of Obstetrics and Gynecology, talking about the problems of modern partnership. According to UDN, modern health and relationship issues, including insomnia, anxiety, and complaints, reflect, to a certain extent, the result of conflicts between people's intrinsic and environmental values.
Have you ever thought of this: the more into middle age, gradually found that many of the problems that were previously tolerable, did not notice, now more and more disgusting, one by one surfaced, so complain ingress that Mr. sitting on the sofa after work to do nothing, do not understand why they are so distant with the child's relationship, and I do cattle for this family, For no one cares about themselves, cares about their feelings?
"Complaints and grievances are actually because they also want to pursue happiness, " Deng said. 」
Why, after getting married, after 40 or 50, would have no reason to hate their own marriage, to hate their old life, into a feeling of wanting to change but powerless? (Extended reading: Sex into everyday errands: My dislike of my husband after 40 years of age)
Images : Screenshots of A Woman's Youtube video
After half a lifetime of hard work, suddenly the world told me that what I believed was wrong
Perhaps the anxiety and irritability of women in the fifth and sixth grades is created by the whole social environment.
According to The UDN report, psychiatrist Deng Huiwen told the Society of Obstetrics and Gynecology: "The whole society is telling women how to live, women in middle age to feel their lives of sacrifice and sacrifice, to some extent is not respect for the boundaries of the child's aggression, strongly feel that they seem to have lost something." 」
Modern in all kinds of media, you can see different slogans, the main woman to economic independence, know how to love themselves, do not let themselves wronged, occasionally come to the scene to walk away on the trip - women do not rely on men, to rely on their own.
We always thought that this was a liberation for women in the fifth and sixth grades, allowing them to walk out of the "cage" to live the life they wanted, and even complaining to those who did not pursue freedom and autonomy that they were self-inflicted.
But do not want to leave, then why is not a kind of powerless? Remember that more than a while ago, this society was to tell women, to sacrifice for the family of a lifetime, into the family, she gave up their career, life, wholeheartedly committed, but society in turn told her: you are wrong, you waste d'or resonate your life. (Recommended reading: He won't hold you in his hand for the rest of his life!) Deng Huiwen: After marriage, the most important thing is to love yourself)
The conflict of values turned into all sorts of complaints in the marriage.
Social thinking is facing a huge change, is undoubtedly a great help to women's pursuit of freedom, but there are so many people, standing at the intersection of the fifth and sixth grade women, she must deny their life's firm belief, turn to believe what people say, and then found that the original love, to children is a kind of harm, you think the family imagination, At this point it is completely disintegrating. Discussions about domestic injuries ensued, and society began to teach women how to be a better mother, learning about emotional blackmail, giving children space and creating boundaries for women's anxiety, which was hard to calm.
It is also because of the mood of conflict that has evolved into marital quarrels that have led to marriage gradually leading to divorce, with only 11% of people 20 years ago believing that personality mismatches could be grounds for divorce, according to the Basic Survey of Social Change in Taiwan from 1984 to 2015, and now 27% believe that personality mismatches can be grounds for divorce.
Deng Huiwen believes that the sense of loss caused by internal and external conflicts of values has become a complaint to the other half, all because we are eager to get out of the framework of social roles and re-recognize and integrate our roles.
"When marriage starts to conflict, it may represent a change in the role of one of the parties in the life phase, " Mr Tang said. 」
Conflicts in marriage represent the possibility of another change, each looking for the happiness they want.
You don't have to deny yourself who used to hold on to your beliefs.
To all the women in the fifth and sixth grades, perhaps at this moment, you, the sense of loss and loneliness is indescribable, when the whole society is advocating that women should be independent, economic independence, you do not have to rush to deny the beliefs of the past immediately, and do not have to blame the original adherence to the faith of their own.
Conflict and loss, let you see the future may be the opportunity, to see those marriage regrets and helpless, to lift the other half of the misunderstanding, refocus, and then see the marriage, their own life has another possibility, is not slow, always have more than left to slowly correct, do not need to say go.