Interview with the angry mother Lin Weiwei, the child crying, husband useless, moms, why don't you get angry?
"Ms. Wen's sister retreated, and the angry moms of the world stood up!" 」
A few lines, indo-ink on the cover of "Mother indignant", author Lin Weiwei, she said I want to speak the truth, born as a mother, many of my emotions are not powerless or disgusted, but anger. I'm angry.
For example, why do I always have no time to go to the toilet, why does the husband always disappear, why the family is always done, and mother, why can't you be angry? For her, to see inspirational success of the article, the network or the market has been much better, she said, I am really angry about the world, see others are very happy, I will be very low self-esteem.
"Then I'll just be dead." Write this book and tell yourself that it's okay to feel that way. When you do that, you will feel better, not good, others will feel better.
"Why can other moms be perfect, but I can't?" 」
"I used to be a novice mom, i read a lot of articles, but when I saw that other people's milk is always endless, can do a lot of delicious food for children, but also pay attention to health, organic, I feel that I can not do." 」
These things, which had made her have a long time, were guilty.
'It's an age of Facebook parenting, ' Mr. Wei said; from books to blogs, but for generations of communities, we're getting used to sharing our lives online. Every day there are a lot of people interacting with you, leaving messages, and we're like in the same plane, and you're going to see how other people are doing, and then looking at their lives in turn: "It's a very, very anxious thing for moms." 」
"When I saw other mothers, I thought they were great, and then I felt inferior. Will think why everyone can, just I can't. 」
Work is very busy, she said that if time is money, there are children's life, like every day to be robbed of the bank. Why on earth can those mothers have a full table every day and can clean their home like an ikea sample house? For a while, she even read in the kitchen, from "Thinking Germany on the Banks of the Main" to "A Deeper Place Than the Fog", where the mother, who was trapped by time and emotion, was holding a bookcloth mixed with fumes, was not like Zhang Huixuan said, and sometimes I felt that we were a generation in the fog.
"But then a few years later I felt that not everyone could. On the TV show, Deng Huiwen was heard saying, "Do you think everyone will take out those very failed, unclean rooms to show people?" Not everyone is really well, tidy and comfortable. It's just that we're used to saying only the good things.
"But I just want to say why not?" I really want to see, I really want to see. Wei said excitedly, tell me, your home, also messy, tell me you are powerless when, okay?
"Take a step back, I'll only fall worse" Mom/girl Why don't you get angry?
Then the "angry mother" was born. She doesn't tell anyone how good, how good, or how bad she is, or how dark she experiences, but climbs up to such stories. It's about telling you, since I became a mother, I've had a bad time almost every day. And know, as a girl, from a young age to be educated those gentle and the same ah, do not know what, did not let me live more happy ah.
Speaking of emotion, Wei suddenly pulled out a Nordic book from her bag that had not yet been translated, and then began the story: "There is a little girl, she is very good, always smiling." She will take the initiative to raise her hand to answer questions at school, but also quiet lying to parents to do their own thing, that is, we are the angel child. 」
Only one day, the girl disappeared. She hid behind a wall and screamed inside, no one heard. Until her voice finally came out of the wall, everyone ran over to see a dirty child, she was very angry.
"Seeing this, you thought there would be a tragic end. But not. Her rant encouraged more girls to come out. 」
From a young age everyone told you that you have to take a step back and the sky will be wide, and many girls are squealing, locked behind the wall, secretly venting. I don't know if it's a girl or some other human being who's afraid of anger. Until one day you may be a mother, someone else says you should be gentle and the same, to your husband, and to the unreasonable child;
She gradually felt that anger was normal and that people would have emotions: "Anger is not a problem in itself." But if the problem behind this anger is not solved, it will always happen and affect the innocent people around. 」
"It's like fire. Fire is a good thing, but is it a dangerous thing? Yes, if not properly controlled, it can cause a fire. But because that's not going to fire at all? It seems unlikely. 'Whether it's a woman's or a girl's, it's no use telling her not to get angry or cry,' she said. While negating emotions, you also deny the identity of the person, his own.
So what you have to do is think about how to use it well.
"Now when I feel angry, I say to myself, "Okay, it's okay." Although knowing that anger can hurt the brain, it can affect the family. But you have to look it squarely and acknowledge its existence. And then it's going to bring you something if you're not good. 」
The end of the book, the little girl in the story, came out from behind the wall, she would still laugh, but her smile is no different. She started digging her nostrils and snorting sausages, "and she became a normal child." She touched the back of the book, smiled and said, do not feel, very warm?
"Marriage is the house of love" but please muster the courage and take off the pink glasses
After becoming a family, she was not only a mother, but also a wife. For her husband, Mrs. Indignant has a lot to say.
"After I got married, I knew that people were really going to fight for the kind of noodles. 」
She used to think it was an online joke, or a story in the supplement that was written off to fill in the page: "I cooked the noodles and told him to come over, but he kept using his computer." I just want to say that I'm cooking hard, are you spoiling my heart? Then the quarrel went out of place; the absurd story in the supplement began to unfold every day in this home.
At the beginning of taking off her pink glasses, she was very unacceptable: "I want to say something so rigid, how could it happen to me?" "How am I so bad", "how my husband is so bad", "Why can't I change him", and then there will be passers-by to come and tell you, "You are too indulgent, you did not teach him, he will be like this." Like a set of modules, the story ends with a return to the logic of the ghost wall of "you don't work hard, you're not a good wife, you let it all happen."
She was angry, so she wrote that marriage is the house of love, marriage is to hurt each other. When everyone else says that couples should get along well, it is impossible to do no harm in real life. Even if you all do their best to be kind and try.
"But I'm not going to say what love is like. Love is important, without love, you will not be together. 」
"I remember when I first got married, I felt a lot about my husband, whether it was love or hate. Love is not a pure thing. Many people will look at it as Sands chocolate, and must be pure white that can not accept any drop of impurities. However, love is very complex, it will be impulsive, sexual, there will be financial needs. 」
It's not that you have to be 100%, otherwise you don't.
And the story of cooking noodles that ruined love? It has, but it doesnot. It's about letting you know that this is going to happen, and it can happen to everyone. It's just that most people don't say it.
What will change after that comes out?
"I don't know if I wrote "Mother Indignant" and I became more and more angry. She laughed and I asked her how she felt. "It's more comfortable. I used to feel uncomfortable with my anger and felt i shouldn't have done it. 」
Then some readers would come and say to her, "I'm relieved to see that you're writing that marriage is a house." I know I'm not alone in this way, know you're there, angry every day. In this generation, where everyone is afraid of being worse than others, she says in a somewhat self-deprecating tone that these things are bitter, but I want to use their own pain to make everyone laugh: "To me, literature is like an empty chair that allows you to stay there when you're tired, sad, or just want to be alone." 」
After refusing to be gentle and frugal, your gentleness to the world will be more gracious.
So then, not only that bowl of noodles, she will continue to tell me another bowl of soup, and that bowl of soup behind the tangle; The road is far away, angry mother, still trying.
(Look at the next article, how to solve the marriage problem:"If you find that you can't do it, you can really give up first" interview with Lin Weiwei: Moms, failure is not so terrible)