Interview with indignant mother Lin Weiwei, she said, mothers, whether marriage or child-rearing, no way, get away. Failure is not so terrible, or it may be because of failure, let you find another way back.
At the birth stage, we're all different kids.
"Actually, I feel like I'm a child in my marriage. I didn't mature as I thought. Sometimes you take care of the other person, sometimes you take care of yourself. Wei admitted that although angry, but the husband also contained their own many bad places.
"Growing up is not about you growing up to be 18, you're a child before that, and after that you're an adult, it's all plain sailing." It's like a computer program, she describes, and needs to be updated regularly, and if it doesn't work, it won't be used.
So when I asked if she had any advice for couples, she just told me that this would be the case, and there was no way: "Like my husband is Polish, he says he has to have soup for every meal." So I started cooking, but he didn't eat it every time, or said wait a minute. Wait until the next day, it is not good to drink. I hate overnight dishes. 」
But then she said, a lot of problems are like that, you can't understand, why is it? You'll want to argue for yourself, you'll be struggling with your emotions. And it's like there's a wall in front of you, if you just think about how to cross it, break through it, and then face yourself again and again is not going to break through it. Then next, you'll blame yourself for it, or you'll feel like you're just bad.
"But just run away, as the monthly salary wife says, escape is not shameful, and useful." That's what it's like to accept marriage, she says, and in finding a way, if you find something you can't fix, put it down first.
That put down, not put down the marriage itself, or put down each other. More often than not, it is to put down your anxiety on your own:
"When you're a wife or a gentleman, you'll grow up once." Because you haven't done it before. At each stage, she wants to say, we are a different child, and they'll piece it together into the final son of yourself.
Sunny sometimes, rainy sometimes. Wait, maybe it's not that romantic. She wants to say that her life is like a disaster, in the end, more like to avoid bad results, and then try to try to make everything can save time and effort.
The meaning of "indignant world" is not only to do the heart chicken soup of the times
After understanding your emotions, Wesaid, let's accept ourselves like a child. When a wife is, when a parent is.
I like a word in the book -- we all talk about it, every child is different, but every adult is different. When a new mom and dad, you'll expect yourself to be the perfect mom and dad, "but when you think like that, you don't allow yourself to make mistakes." 」
Speaking of which, she turned around and said, "When a new mom, people will tell her, "You're good enough to be a good mother," but she wouldn't believe it." She would think that my "good enough" was "not good enough". 」
"Go and say to them, "You're good enough," and it's like saying to some people, "How do you look fat, you're thin, " or say to the boys, "You've made a lot of money." And he will feel no ah, I want better can. 」
And back to their own, angry mother, admitted that until today, she has no way to say that I am a good enough mother: "I still think to this day I am a good failed mother." I often wonder what I can teach my children, and I doubt myself every day. At this moment she is so frank: "I want to teach him how to learn to face life?" But my own life has gone very wrong; A lot of times when he has emotions, I can't be gentle and the same. 」
Usually, sir. After gas, and then look back and reflect on their own not how to do.
But the angry mother is that failure is not so bad for her. Failure also has some negative things that allow us to re-examine our lives: "I used to blame myself for why I was angry and why I was so bad." It's like a virus, and you're going to keep opening the window and saying, "Why do I hate myself?" and there's another who runs out and says, "Then why do I hate myself?" Endless. But now what I can do is, I don't deny my anger. Those windows should stop, because that won't solve the problem after all.
'You'll have anxiety about yourself or to your children, and there's no problem,' she said. Anxiety is okay; you're not thinking about your child, you're thinking about yourself, and that's fine. But keep reminding yourself not to let anxiety dominate your negation or your child's.
Perhaps facing that wall, the better thing is, I know this can not, then we continue to work together. Good, good.
At the end of the interview, she chatted about the story we had all heard as a child, climbing mountains and climbing to the half-mountain, because you stopped to see the flowers, so there was no way to attack the top: "Then you will be very believed in this story, will feel right ah our purpose in life is to attack the top." This may have something to do with the education we receive and the overall social atmosphere; we can't always be satisfied and accept ourselves now: "Everybody is telling you that to keep working hard, to keep building a mountain high, you have to continue to surpass yourself." 」
"But then when I look back, I want to say no, if you stop at half-mountain to see the flowers will make you happy, that's not good?" Even the general mainstream values have not taught you this. But she wants to say that she wants everyone, the child, the mother, or the father, to appreciate the stop. She wants to say that your life is not a broken game, nothing can change anything:
"Even if you stop there, you don't see the flowers, you just see a bunch of poops, it doesn't matter." This is life. 」
Writing this, I think of what she said in the book, the child is sweet water. The first time I saw this sentence, my eyes only stared straight at the word "sweet", thinking bitter to the end or sweet, but then, I only saw the word "water against" the word, feel on the surface of the good things, must be hidden in what conspiracy.
And now, I know the angry mother wants to say, water is bad, will continue to come, and the next time to make you doubt yourself, but it is not necessarily the worst, because even if you are at the bottom of the valley, you can still tell yourself, rain sometimes, good not so romantic, that is, you will not, you really won't, will always be there.