"Before you get married, get disillusioned with your other half" before you walk into the auditorium, try "Premarital Counseling"

"You didn't see you as such before you got married. 」
"I used to think you were a very confident person, but now I find out that it's not self-confidence, it's arrogant!" 」

Conversations like this continue to play out in the day-to-day after marriage. Blame each other also complain about their own, why not before marriage to see each other, and another side of heartbreak, for the marriage of the romantic imagination gradually broken. Does it have to go through the process of "smashing imagination" to understand what real-life marriage is?

Not necessarily. You can choose to start giving each other a preventive shot before the relationship breaks down, rather than after an argument before the two sides choose to deal with the problem.

According to the Guardian, a new type of consultation is emerging among married couples - wedding therapy, with a growing number of couples tending to consult with wedding therapists before they get married, in order to get the two into the auditorium. Break the unrealistic, overly romantic vision of the future first.

Then you can "see" the other half and love the "real" him.

Pictures . . . . . . . . .

What is wedding therapy?

In the past, marriage counsellors tended to resolve conflicts and incongruities in their marriage, such as having an affair, having sex, having poor communication, and so on, while many of the partners who came to the marriage counselor had a tight atmosphere in the discussion and their relationship was close to falling apart.

But the so-called wedding treatment emphasizes not ex post-remediation, but pre-for-an prevention.

Many new couples have a lot of imagination slyly after marriage, but most of the time it is impractical, or choose to ignore the questions to think after marriage, such as whether or not to have children? How do I allocate my living expenses? Who's in whose house is it for the New Year's Eve? Who's in charge of the family? If there is a debt problem, do you need to take on it together? Would you like to buy a house or a car?

And wedding treatment, refers to the pre-wedding interview with the consultant, the two sides discuss the scope of the wedding planning, to the post-marriage child upbringing, money management, festivals and even sex life, including the problems you encounter in the interaction.

Thomas and Jenny, a couple who are about to get married, chose to meet their wedding counselor before marriage because they had trust issues, and finally set up a pattern of communication between them: "It's not just what you say, it's about when and how." Before the treatment, if I had been more critical of Jenny in the morning, Jenny would have immediately switched to defense mode. Later we knew that the best communication time was after dinner, when both sides sat down to chat and turned the post-dinner conversation into a routine affair. 」

In fact, as early as now, there were cases of premarital counseling, but it was not common, such as the Guardian's report that Georgina Fuller, a woman who had attended pre-marital counseling 11 years earlier, had to attend a six-week pre-wedding prep class hosted by a priest in order to get married in a Catholic church.

"We go for hours a week to get relationship advice, including sharing our values, our expectations of marriage, and counsellors advising partners to discuss how to bring children together." This is important because not everyone who loves or is going to get married thinks first. Georgina Fuller said. However, because it is a religious group organized courses, most lying out of how to become a good believer, lack of care and understanding of the individual.

As a result, more and more people are seeking wedding treatments independent of religion. In 2018, The School Of Life, an education centre in London, introduced pre-marital psychotherapy courses to help build a relationship foundation for partners.

Will I need wedding treatment?

Non-religious wedding treatments/premarital consultations are currently less common in Taiwan. If there is no wedding consultation, you can also try before marriage, you can first list the issues you think after marriage needs to be dealt with, can include buying a house to buy a car, upbringing, long photos, boxing day, sex life and so on, the more detailed the better, the more time the two people to talk about their values, coordination (although less counselors, will be less professional advice and guidance, etc.), and even can join you in the premarital awareness of the problem, such as you have mutual trust problems, money use has been close. (Extended Reading: Ten Values Discussion Before Marriage: Ask Him, What Kind of Intimacy Do You Want to Create?) ) )

Here are some directions you can take out before marriage (list a few, or increase as appropriate)

About Values

• Why are we getting married?
• What do we each want?
• How do you see yourself?
• What do you think will change in 30 or 40 years?

About personal habits

• Do you think it's important to know each other's health?
• How often do you drink?
• Can you clean the toilet/kitchen?
• How do we divide household chores?

About Finance

• Can we talk about money?
• What are our financial goals?
• Do we want a common account?
• How much debt do we have?
• Do you think it's a luxury to go on vacation/movies/eat at restaurants every year (months/weeks)?

About family

• Do you want both the family to intervene in our marriage?
• Do you like my family?
• How long do we spend with each other's family?
• Do your parents like our marriage?

About sex

• Do you lack trust or feel insecure about me?
• What is our language of love?
• How would you praise me?
• What do you think if I need to spend the night with my friends?

Talking about these before marriage, it will take some time, it is not easy, after all, is immersed in the atmosphere of love, really destroy the atmosphere, but you have to believe that with its marriage quarrel for two or three years, the preparation is more worth it. And you will know each other from it, to fall in love with him, to accept the real Him, because love is to be based on sincere and true understanding.

So-called forever, in fact, will not be too far away from you. Before you get married, you're disillusioned with your marriage!