Two people together, argument is inevitable, and you know that quarrels also have a difference between health and unhealthy? To maintain long-term stable relationships, experts propose the "magic ratio 5:1" principle, and confirm that happier couples can usually implement it.
When we've been in a relationship with our other half for a long time, or we get into a relationship, we're inevitably in conflict. No matter who's right or who's wrong today, or right or wrong, you feel that both are hurt. You may be a little anxious about this, this quarrel, will hurt our feelings? How do you know it won't leave permanent trauma? If we are to continue to move on, how can we resolve this "obstruction"?
Dr. John Gottman, an American psychology researcher and clinician, suggests that the "magic ratio 5:1" that applies to couples requires five positive interactions for each negative, negative interaction; In contrast, unhappy couples tend to have less positive interaction, and if positive and negative interactions with each other are 1:1 or less, it is unhealthy and may indicate that you are on the verge of separation and are teetering.
We all know that quarrels should be made well, but you may not know that by doing so, you will be able to achieve a more stable and healthy relationship:
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What is negative interaction in a relationship?
When two people get along for a long time, they are in an inevitable mood and angry, and indeed , "anger" does n'up to marriage. In "Marriage Success or Failure," Dr. John Gottman explains that only mixed criticism, contempt, or defensive anger can have a negative impact on marriage.
Each negative interaction consumes a lot of emotion, which is why it needs to balance five positive interactions. And don't worry, these negative interactions can happen in healthy relationships. As long as it can be well repaired, it will be more understanding and resonance between you.
Find at least five positive interactions to build healthy relationships
According to John Gottman, couples who can go for long will eventually have their "secrets" -- through positive interactions, they can make their conflicts mild and then be repaired. Here are a few of the positive interactions your stable partner often uses, are you ready for your notebook?
1. Let him know that you are focusing on receiving messages
Do you listen when your partner is complaining about something? Do you have the will to know why he is angry today? Ways to show interest include asking open-ended questions, or body language, such as nodding, eye contact, and responding in a timely manner, to show how eager you are to listen.
2. Never hesitate to express your feelings
In conflict, emotional expression of body or words can relieve stress between each other. If you find it difficult to communicate at this point, try to hold the other person's hand and tell him, "I know it's hard, but I believe we can work it out together." As your body moves forward, you'll find yourself less nervous, hurt, or aggressive.
3. Express appreciation and praise each other
Have you ever thought that complimenting is really important in a relationship? Marriage counselor Sheri Stritof notes that a stable marriage often depends on whether you remember to thank each other, and emotional expert Nancy Ruth Deen says the benefits of "praise" are multifaceted and can make the person who expresses satisfaction and the recipient feel scared.
And even in times of conflict, your head is filled with negative thoughts, but positive actions can effectively offset your anxiety. Give him a compliment, no matter how small it is, which will strengthen the emotional energy between you.
4. Looking for opportunities for agreement between the parties
When two people quarrel, you will focus on the negative, negative emotions of the moment and miss the opportunity to reach a consensus. So the more you go on to find a point where you can reach an agreement, the more you can reach an agreement, and even if it can be small, you will be able to reverse the energy configuration in front of you, and you will form so-called "alliances" rather than stand on the opposite side.
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5. Try to accept the other person's point of view
Then you can try to accept your partner's point of view, even if you may not agree, but your behavior will make him feel that his point of view is meaningful. Keep in mind that accepting ideas does not mean a final agreement, but an act of expression of respect and care.
6. To express the same thing and say "I'm sorry"
At this time, it is also important to express a similarity, which is one of the ways people connect with each other's deep feelings. You have to make the other person feel that you are feeling the same way, which will cause him to remove the atrium and then get a new link to each other. Also, try to say "I'm sorry"! Apologizing doesn't mean who's wrong, who owes whom, it can also be for yourself, you're expressing your concern. You know that you may have hurt each other, that your hearts are fragile, and that apology can have a magical effect on making you feel loved again.
Long road, walk ingested on the road of love, we will always make mistakes, will accidentally leave some wounds for each other. However, as long as you make sure that love is still there, that respect is still there, that you have good intentions toward each other, and that you have a willingness to do business, you can't worry too much. We never meant to hurt each other, and to accept love is to contain a lot of complex emotions, but also important.
These are a few forward-looking proposals, and not just in times of conflict or emotional lows; it is suggested that each couple can start from the day to build the language of love between you. As the positive energy continues to roll and fill, your relationship will become healthier and stronger.