When the holiday arrives, ready to go home, and you sense your mood a little depressed? Honey, it's not surprising that you feel. In the event of an unpleasant experience, we suffer from the anxiety of going home to be reunited, and these counselors want to provide you with a way they will use themselves.
Photo A photo of "Kim Chi-ying in 82 Years"
Time series came to January, the presidential election, the Lunar New Year, is also the time to return home. Do you really feel a little upset about wanting to be with your family and friends?
Some will always be provoked on topics, who work does not meet who's expectations, who don't find a partner to make your parents happy, remind you of the strange distance between your family, some don't want to be violated privacy, or are constantly being talked about at relativedinner. You actually cherish the festive time, but the past experience, accumulated your psychological pressure, and gradually do not know how to get through these moments.
As for holiday reunion anxiety,HuffPost brings together therapists' own coping with them; just like the average person, therapists need to deal with complex family issues at this point in time. And we're practicing the best way for ourselves and our families. Here are a few lessons to share with suggestions, and go home together:
If possible, try to discard your previous views on your family
Life trainer Olecia Christie says she always reminds herself that the state of her family is constantly changing. Just like you were last year's yourself, even just last week's you self, is not the same. So are other family members. Your family is growing.
It's like thinking differently, we're all back here after some of our lives; we should try to understand and listen to each other where they're changing. It's a chance for the other person, it's a chance to give yourself. She suggests using this point in time to try to keep your heart open to approach them, which will also allow you to experience the freedom you haven't had before.
Stay open, but remember to protect your mental health
While he believes in the benefits of being open, Christie also stresses the need to keep avoiding negative emotions that affect us. She thinks it's also very important.
She tries to protect her own psychological boundaries and self-space, to understand who she is, what she likes or what she doesn't like: "I welcome any opinion, but I'm the one who can ultimately decide whether these opinions matter to me or not." 」
Consciously allocate the time given to others and who to spend
Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali, a California marriage and family therapist, shares that she splits some relatives into two groups, and that she spends time with some family members, while others prefer to avoid them altogether.
"I would visit some relatives who wouldn't get emotional during the holiday season, but for a short time; During our visits, we interact politely, talk about each other's gratitude for the festival, and I remain vigilant. 」
Vigilance is important, she says, so that when you realize that the other person is starting to be disrespectful, you will consciously start preparing to leave the scene. She mentioned that the holiday was a time of love, gratitude and joy, so that anyone who undermined those principles would not be given the opportunity to share it with her.
Photo : "Flower Armor Boys Turn Adults"
Establish borders and not be afraid to enforce them
Elise Hall, a clinical social worker in the United States, says you can let people know in advance what your boundaries are and what happens if you cross them. Even family members, he mentioned, do not have to be asked to endure humiliation.
So if you find yourself in a situation where your self-limits are ignored, don't be afraid to leave the scene. Avinashi Shivon Ramadhin, a social worker in New York, adds that maybe he'll go to a friend, or go back to his house for a day, go to places where you can feel calmer.
V. Don't participate in unhealthy arguments
Anthony Freire, clinical director of psychology in New York, said he thought it was best for individuals to avoid potentially explosive topics during the holidays. And if you find yourself being drawn into a heated discussion today, you can take a moment to ask yourself if it's worth continuing.
He explains that if you don't participate, the other side inevitably has to stop the topic.
You can also try to keep yourself low, because the sound of high decibels often makes people feel threatened, want to overtake you, and so on, and then can't cushion the argument. Of course, you never have to be afraid to express directly the "what topic sydd you don't want to discuss". You can just say, "We may not be able to reach a consensus on this, but I'd love to talk to you about something else" to shift the focus.
6. Looking for a "buffer zone" or ally
Finally, try to find your "allies"! He may be your friend, or other family member with similar values; Elise Hall suggests that you can let the other person know what you care about, what you want today and what the outcome will be, and what kind of support you might need before the party.
Ramadhin also agrees that through partners, friends, siblings, etc., you can often work together to help you get through stressful family moments.
Basically, we agree to adjust ourselves to your mood first, to stay receptive and to embark on the road home, to feel the positive things that the family offers, and that although we know that there are differences between us, you can focus on the similarities between them. However, we also keep an eye on ourselves and avoid getting into unhealthy conversations or environments. On the way home, we have different complex moods, anxiety exists, and you are not alone, we are still slowly exploring ways to make each other more comfortable and positive.