Interview with Tao Jingying, family is a wonderful relationship. Because of blood, thought that natural should be close, but often, we are also hurt each other the deepest people.
In the last article, we saw the helplessness of housewives from Tao Zi's novel "Twenty-One", and she encouraged all mothers to know how to fight for and express their own ideas. In this article, Tao Zi sister will share, why run a family intimacy, there are challenges?
Suppressing emotions is not the best way to maintain a relationship.
After the publication of "21", many people are asking Tao Zijie, husband Li Ren after reading the book what is the feeling? She said that after reading the book, her husband praised very well.
"I don't know if it caused any other unpleasant emotions, but so far it should be fine." It was only when he sent me to work this morning that I asked him if you regretted getting married. "He said often, " she laughed. 」
"Very tired, aren't you?" 」
"Yeah, how free a man is. 」
The dialogue between the two people is straightforward and refreshing, I was surprised to ask, usually you dare to say your own ideas, talk about these topics?
Tao Zi sister nodded: "Because I also want to know what he really feels, I do not want him to be depressed." I don't think depression is good in any relationship. For example, the supervisor's employees, the depression of marriage means that one day you will explode. From the beginning of the water treatment to tell us, the containment is not the best way ah, must be channeled. 」
Honest and frank, we have a little anxiety about marriage, not satisfied, regret sometimes, spread out honestly, do not mean not to love each other, but to find the crux of the problem, understand you and my difficulties, and then hand in hand. The best relationship is to admit that we all have moments of dissatisfaction, so much better.
And in the future, how can we avoid each other in the family depression, she believes, these depressed emotions, often because of feeling isolated in the family, no one can support each other. That's why she suggests that as you move into the next phase of a relationship, be sure to look closely at each other and whether they are really willing to help you in a relationship. Take marriage, to know whether the other party also agree that family matters are everyone's business, take care of children is everyone's responsibility, before marriage, you have to get to know, but also avoid the future in the marriage alone depression.
"How many chances do you have to find out what kind of person he is, why do you open one eye and close one eye?" "Open one eye and close one eye" is the most terrible word in the family. So before you get married, the hood is a little brighter. 」
However, in addition to marriage, the repression between parent-child relationships is also a major problem.
Previous parent-child relationships, there is no "how to get along" the question
Psychology has a saying: 21 days can develop a person's habits.
In Ms. Tao's new book, the housewife is offered a 21-day trial period for agency," and she can create the perfect new family of her self. The digital design of "21" is intended to explore whether in 21 days we will acquire the habit of love, or a habit of indifference.
Family, born with a blood relationship, always thought that than anyone to be closer, comfortable with each other, but the evolution to the end, often more and more alienated relationships. Because in the process of growing up, very few people tell us that not only feelings, family intimacy is also needto business. So we see that in parent-child relationships, marriage partners, full of contradictions and quarrels, even mutual indifference.
"Family is a wonderful relationship. Because of blood, we should be born close, but I do not understand the person may be you, " Tao Zi sister said: "Hurt me the deepest is also you." 」
Sometimes you do not understand, you are hurt, but also have to feel guilty, you try to distance yourself from each other, it is best to feel guilty, because people around you will often say: you can't do this to him, he is your family ah, "You will feel, north, I have not worked hard, but it is ridiculous." 」
Some book fans after reading "21", told her that their home is this situation - no interaction, even do not look at each other for dinner, after reading the book, very much hope to change this situation, but did not have the courage to open at the table.
"A lot of people don't know how to start. Tao Zi sister for example: "For example, the past father, authoritarian used to, moving to shoot the table scolding you." But suddenly you ask, "Dad, what movie have you been watching lately?" He'll say to you, "What the hell?" Eat" children will also be afraid, as long as an opening on the shot, over time feel that counted, do not want to cause trouble.
She believes that family apathy is about the upbringing of the previous generation. Take the role of father as an example, in the past father would think that making money is his only responsibility to the family, children will gradually think that the relationship between parents and children is like this: "You see, many literary works of the father, the child sees either the back, or feel alienated, such as the description of the usual with the father can not talk about a sentence, I finally saw my father lying in a coffin and cremating him.
"The whole era background, there is no discussion of the "parent-child relationship" this topic, feel that the child is a dozen, roar, until modern times, will begin to pay attention to the original children will have their own feelings. 」
These influences will be passed down from generation to generation, but Tao Zisister also encourages everyone, at least to try, there will be no regrets. She often thinks of what her grandfather said to her: In fact, sometimes you can try to say something and change the relationship at home.
Next question, let's talk about the confession and interaction in the relationship, how can we warm up the intimacy?