Talking about money is to make both sides feel that "I have power in this relationship", so if you want to warm up your feelings, you may want to start talking about each other's view of money first!
Have you ever talked to your partner about money?
In a relationship, when it comes to money, there are often many emotions, such as because the other party is too much money, feel angry and disappointed; It's not until you start arguing that you mention the usual money problem.
But in fact, before talking about feelings, talking about money is also a very important thing, it can help the feelings to warm up. Haruna Miyamoto-Borg, a clinical social worker, says how a couple shares financial resources can have a huge positive impact on each other - making them more open and honest. (Extended reading: Dear, before cohabitation, let's talk about money)
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Talking about money makes both sides feel like "I have power in this relationship."
Why is it hard to speak up whenever things get to the point of money? Behind the scenes hides a lot of your inconfidence and anxiety, such as you are afraid of losing your financial resources, but you choose to hide from the other half, because you feel that you are no longer such a good person in front of the other person, afraid of the other person's disappointment, and you are no longer respected - everything makes you lose confidence.
For example, the couple, Chloe and Samantha.
On Psychology Today, clinical social worker Haruna Miyamoto-Borg shares their money story. The two were married for more than three years and were very much in love. But the two gradually found that their views on money were different.
"My company's finances went downhill in 2017, when we started to have a lot of bickering. At the time, two of Samantha's clients didn't pay on time, and she couldn't pay the staff at the bottom. This plunged her into the negative smoldering of fear, shame and sin, and she didn't even know how to talk to Chloe: "I was afraid that Chloe would criticize me." 」
Later, they chose to sit down and talk about the difficulties of money spending and establish equal money relationships. So understand that in the process of growing up with each other, either by the father to make financial decisions, mother and their own no room to talk, or the family has never talked about money in front of the children, so often on the topic of money feel powerless.
After understanding each other's difficulties, they begin to find each other's strengths, such as one party rigorous, know how to spend money on the right place, while the other side knows how to look at the money flow, control the budget spending, through understanding each other's strengths, to build a collaborative approach, but also to let them know more open to the view of money, Now they set a regular weekly meeting to discuss their money.
So, how do I start a conversation?
If you also want to start talking to your partner about money, it's recommended that you focus on understanding your daily (daily, monthly) income spending, the priority of next year's financial spending, your long-term financial goals, and the value of your money to your personal. And when you talk, you have to be based on honesty.
According to Money Under 30,there are several specific ways to provide you:
- Don't make things big: you can talk about a little spending every day, and don't wait until you've accumulated a lot of money to start talking about it, and it's going to be hard to solve the problem.
- You can't just talk about numbers, but money: how you think about money will affect your actions. If you're tempted to buy an expensive pair of jeans, but your partner can't understand it, you can try to explain to him why you think jeans are worth the price.
- Talk about spending, but also how to make money: Do you have any plans to work part-time or run a side job? What do you think about investing? In addition to discussing spending, discuss ways to save money.
We know that happy relationships are not always perfect in each other's eyes, but that we all have not good at the place, admit to vulnerability, and then support each other. Learning to be honest from the subject of money will bring your relationship closer together.
Why don't you try it tomorrow!