"No matter how long apart, still care about you" relationship psychology: Why do my predecessors have contacts, I would be depressed?

IG a slip, found that he changed a head sticker, next to a girl hugging him, two people laugh very happy, you frown, and a careless hand slip, point into his FB. Persuading yourself to see how he's been doing recently, he's actually trying to see the emotional state of that column, whether he put on a name you don't know, or, the recent photo tag which girl you didn't impress.

And the predecessor broke up for a long time, you once thought that you no longer miss, even if a friend inadvertently mentioned his name, you can talk and laugh. However, you always can't figure out, why see him today has a new contact object, but the heart can not stop bored - since really do not love, why care? You ask yourself.

Why is it difficult for us to face our predecessors with new objects?

Pictures . . . . . . . . .

Once naked, so you can't bear to ignore each other

"In fact, this man has nothing to do with me Turn over his Facebook so late, but it's a bad habit of my fingers making their own claims" - Tian Yu-chen this person has nothing to do with me.

There is a possibility that you are attached to each other, so after him any contact sly contacts, are just to find links with people, to make up for your and the former intermittent contact, and see the predecessor really have a new object, you finally know that you still miss. "When we give something to someone, or show the closest thing, when we see our predecessor, we feel very uncomfortable about being replaced and indifferent," says Jeannie Ingram, an American psychotherapist. 」

And marriage therapist Lynsie Seely explains: "Even if you've been breaking up with your ex for a long time, you think you should go through it, but the sadness will continue and you're dealing with a sad one that hasn't been dealt with in the past." 」

After the break-up, you force yourself to get better, to quickly get out of the attachment to each other, but in fact you simply did not give yourself time to digest, also too late to think about where the problem is, so with the day pass, can laugh, can love, but between and the predecessor, there is a should take care of the mood did not do. (Extended reading: After a breakup, can you be friends with your ex?) ) )

In addition to sadness, there is a vague fear of the past that was so close to him, and now it is meaningless to him. "My cat can't bark!" "The opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference," says Kevin Darn? Whether you are satisfied with your relationship with another person now, when you see your predecessor laughing so happily in front of his new object, you wonder why he was with him self and didn't laugh as he is now. 」

You've spent so much time running and trying to keep the relationship going, but it's not going to work out. This is when the predecessor appears with a new object, as if to remind you that past relationships are "failed".

But there's another kind of concern, because of yourself, not because of your predecessor. April Davis, founder of Luxury Matchmaking, a British matchmaking company, says: "Some people like each other and still feel about themselves, even if they know they're not going back, but it makes them feel like they're needed. When the other person is alone, you will feel that he is always waiting for you over there, but seeing his predecessor find a new relationship will cut off your fantasy.

What to do to stop caring about him?

If your predecessor has a new object and your mind is always over, perhaps you can try and think in these three directions:

The other side has a new person, does not mean that you are very bad

We will inevitably have a comparative mentality, so will not consciously take each other and their own comparison, determine that it must be their own where is not good enough, will go to break up, but you must stop this idea, the end of a relationship, because you two can not solve the problem, so if you start to compare who is good who poor, It will make it harder for you to get out of the shadowof of your predecessor.

The new relationship won't erase your memories.

Once intimate memories, will not be because each has a new object, it is easily replaced? In fact, the other side may be like you, do not want to be forgotten. Remember, no emotion can completely remove the memories of the past, but will not be easily remembered. Therefore, you also have that part of the past, do not need to tell who, do not need to deliberately forget, hidden in the heart. You need to accept, and then remember now can only be in each other's hearts, so that, can go on.

Relationship is not a game, no win or loss

Many people will worry about breaking up, the other side will be faster than their own male and female friends, and then think that faster into the next relationship of the person, on behalf of completely out of the pain of the break-up, no longer care about each other, in order to prove their victory, self-esteem as a gambling. But in fact, we all know in our hearts, the relationship has never been who to lose who wins, and therefore the other side to find new objects, does not mean that you are a loser.

When you can rethink the above three points, we hope you will take some time to digest the sorrows of the past, stop blaming yourself, learn to let go, and not use each other's actions as a basis for assessing self-worth. Next, focus on your predecessor's strength and shift it to yourself. (Extended reading:"After falling out of love, can't walk out" this relationship for you, is exactly what you have to learn a lesson)

Then perhaps after the break-up, in the face of his new love, we can all be more comfortable, heartless and truly wish him happiness.

"In fact, this man has nothing to do with me, the road ahead of him is bright and dim, I decided to stand by"-Tian Yuchen this person has nothing to do with me