"After the relationship, his response is getting colder" relationship psychology: the way he communicates messages, does it affect relationships?

Remember when, from time to time, he dropped the message from time to time, photographed the beauty he saw during his outing, and then said, "Good hope you're next to me"; There's just a client who's annoying.

Just just a contact between the two people, always do not want to share the small things of life to each other, tell each other how much they miss him, how much like him. However, after a long relationship, open the dialogue between the two people, are only simple "um", "good", "I am busy", or not even a word, directly lost a poster response, long over time, you start to feel powerless.

We fall in love with each other because of the message chat, and because of the message and start to feel disappointed in each other, why does the message affect the relationship between the two people?

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You can send a message to keep your feelings together, but don't use it as the only way

Modern people talk about feelings, will be the main channel of communication, especially for long-distance relationship partners. This is a quick and convenient approach, and it does have benefits.

Leora Trub, an assistant professor of psychology at The Dyson College of Arts and Sciences at Pace University in the United States, surveyed 205 couples aged 18-29 to understand their emotional satisfaction from their messaging style. The team found that whether it was sharing the minutiae of life or discussing larger emotional issues, the more consistent the two people's messaging style, the increased happiness.

But some ways of transmitting messages can have an impact on relationships:

1. Too many messages

According to a 2018 study published by Leora Trub at the American Psychological Society, constant messaging can be a sign of loneliness and boredom in people's hearts, which can spread into two outcomes: alienation from the population, or help to reconnect with the people they love.

Leora Trub surveyed 982 people aged 18-29 who wanted to know what causes people to become addicted to mobile messages, whether it was related to personal traits, community anxiety, and so on. They found that there was a significant view of the message, not a problem, and the most dangerous thing was that we saw the message as the only escape exit. And so when you find yourself constantly sending messages to each other, it's time to stop and check why you're anxious.

2. Maintaining relationships with messaging

We all know that words spoken in the head, the messages that come out, often hurt without thinking. So if you quarrel with your partner, try to avoid communicating only with messages, after all, many things can not be solved by words.

A 2013 study of 276 people aged 18-25 at Brigham Young University found that partners who resolved their relationships by sending messages were less satisfied with their relationships, while the study showed that women were less satisfied with sending apologies and making big decisions through messages, while men did not like to send or receive too many messages. So the best way to use a message is to think of it as a place to share fun, not to solve things.

3. Frequent sexual messages

Many couples like to send intimate photos, nude photos, or sexual texts to increase their interest, but a 2018 study of 615 people's messaging habits at the University of Alberta in Canada found that people who send weekly sex messages (frequently) and daily sex messages (frequently) are more satisfied with sex in relationships. But people with such heavy sex messages are prone to conflict in relationships, with lower attachment and commitment. "In fact, sex messages are not one of the factors that create healthy relationships," the study concluded.

Finally, with regard to messaging, we can begin to build basic perceptions that allow messages to be a way to stabilize, not destroy them:

Building healthy personal boundaries

Not everyone can reply to the message anytime, anywhere, it is possible because of work delays, and sometimes the other side needs to have their own time, this time you can communicate in advance, understand each other convenient time. It may sound like a cliche, but we often forget to reserve space for each other after a long time.

Don't overread each other's actions.

"Isn't he impatient?" "Does he make a joke of my words by adding a wave at the end of his sentence?" We've all been over-guessing each other's actions, but it's easy to know that replying to messages is a simple thing (admittedly, sometimes you'll respond to each other at will, but you know you don't have any malice), so practice looking easy and not letting over-reading take hold of your head all day.

Avoid satire and speak directly

The sarcasm can make the other side a fog, if you are in a bad mood, want to say dissatisfaction with him, it is better to directly point out the problem, or meet in person.

In fact, sending a message to cultivate feelings is not a bad thing, it is even an emotional help, help us to start any topic more easily and conveniently, but also to let the couple in love to maintain the relationship, however, we should know that the message is not the only way to maintain the relationship, too dependent on the message, When one day the pipeline starts to fail, you feel like you're losing touch with the other party, and there's a hundred ways to forget to fall in love.

So, if you feel like your other half's recent response is getting colder, take a break to have a meal together, talk about your own feelings, and reconcile your expectations of each other's relationship :)