How can we tell how serious the relationship is? Listen to the seven judgments given by the experts.
You hold hands, you kiss, you open your eyes in the morning, you will first send a message to each other, in the eyes of outsiders, you are a loving couple. But in your heart is always a little unsteady, because it is not clear how the two people quietly walked to this step, no one confessed, also did not confirm with each other what, just look at each other's eyes, there is love, so the relationship is so determined down.
The above situation, perhaps the contemporary way of love, do not need special rituals or commitments, walking together. Of course, two people to go together, do not necessarily rely on "I love you", "I want to be with you" to confirm, but the sense of uncertainty in the heart, how can it be eliminated?
Shula Melamed, a US relationship expert, said: "A serious relationship, in which two people decide to grow together, can happen quickly or take years, but the key factor is that they are betting on it in a similar way." 」
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If you want to determine whether the relationship is serious, in addition to asking, you can also refer to the following seven signs to judge:
Plan to spend time together
How often do the two meet? Do you reach a consensus on every meeting time and place? Relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein says that if the two plan to meet, rather than requiring a particular co-ordination and request from one party, it shows signs of a steady future. Shula Melamed also argues that the focus of the meeting plan is not on frequency, but that "planning" and "practice" are important if you want to maintain a serious relationship.
Stop unnecessary "pretending"
In the early days of our relationship, we all want to show the best in front of each other, so we spend a lot of time dressing up, grooming and the environment. But when a person is willing to seriously run the relationship, he or she will stop "pretending" to himself.
"When relationships start to develop, we are always overly polite and tolerate many situations, but when you become more comfortable in a relationship, you want your partner to see the "not so good" side, which means that you deeply long for the other person to accept the real self." It's also a sign that you want to develop deep links with your partner. Marriage and family therapist Weena Cullins said.
The ceremony of establishing two people
As the relationship becomes more stable, life has a fixed rhythm and trajectory, and you two may have many of the same behaviors or rituals, such as cooking together on weekends, going to sports on weekdays, or finding new restaurants every week. (Extended reading:"Make Love, not sex" for some hot ceremony bar)
When you are interested in creating a fixed habit or life pattern with someone, you have the opportunity to open up a deeper intimacy.
Be familiar with each other's life circle
Shula Melamed and Aimee Hartstein both stress the importance of connecting with each other's families, so that when a person thinks you're important enough to have the potential to continue to grow in the future, it makes you know or know your family.
In addition, the other party's willingness to let you into your circle of friends is a powerful statement: "Those family friends know your name and know your role in your partner's life, which is a very good sign that your partner is sharing his world with you." 」
Put caring for each other first
A serious relationship means that you don't have to be emotionally win-lose, don't be shy about showing real feelings, and are eager to care about each other every day, says Melamed: "Both sides are trying to make the other side happy, and you're happy to give it for each other." And the "long-term bet, pay care" thing does not make you feel anxious or afraid. 」
Able to handle a conflict between two people
The emotions between you are not torn apart by a conflict or disagreement, and a brief quarrel is actually part of a healthy relationship, which Melamed believes will eventually bring the two closer: "A serious relationship is balanced and stable, and can withstand different, difficult conversations, or outside interference." Even if you're angry about your partner's disappointment, you'll still be eager to understand each other. 」
be able to talk openly and naturally about each other's relationships
When people are in a serious relationship, they are not afraid to discuss the relationship openly, and are not afraid to discuss the future, the status quo (although you may disagree), and willing ness to touch more difficult topics means a certain degree of intimacy on both sides.
Finally, if you're still skeptical about the relationship, starting a discussion is the quickest and directway. The above seven points are only a reference, the most important thing is whether you are willing to discuss this relationship, to tell you about your insecurity and anxiety, bless you, but also to find the ideal intimacy.