It is never easy to have a child through questionnaires, interviews with past celebrities, and the real experiences of friends and relatives around us. And until then, how do you know you're ready? How can I judge that I am fit to be a mother? Maybe these questions and answers can give you some direction to think.
How do you know that you are ready to become a mother? Or, in other words, what questions can we ask ourselves before we have children?
Between February and March 2020, women fans conducted the annual Women's Impact Survey, which collected 900 valid questionnaires. Go home and focus on the mothers in those families. We found that women with children were most distressed that they no longer had time of their own, or that they always felt they were not doing enough, and that more than nine out of ten women expected their partners to share parental responsibilities. People who don't have children are more often troubled than they do about how to take care of their native and their own families.
Whether it's the impact of life planning, worries about self-expression, expectations of a partner, or relationships with a native family, there are a lot of things to consider in every way about having a child. And go home and continue to talk about a few things we're thinking about before we have a baby, through past interviews, sharing experiences with friends and family, and discussions onHuffpostandYoutango.
We all asked ourselves these questions before we had a baby.
We interviewed two female friends, one who already had two children and one who had a pregnancy plan, who had asked themselves questions before giving birth:
1. What is your financial situation? Enough to cover the cost of pregnancy and the child's future?
First of all, the most basic or to go back to a very pragmatic but important level - your money is enough to bear this choice? Estimates of the cost of an examination during pregnancy, post-pregnancy physical maintenance, to at least the first three years of child-rearing. The money figure is absolute, but relatively speaking, it is probably the thing you can control most.
2. If your career plan is bound to be affected, can you accept it?
With children, because of physical condition or maintenance problems, may affect your work status, or even career development, etc. , these problems, we can certainly timely to reach out to family, partners, etc. to find a relatively good solution. Until then, however, we may be able to ask where we can accept it? Is it already ready for the corresponding psychological preparation?
3. Can I really divide up the time, money, freedom, etc. I had?
And in addition to career, the birth of a child, will also divide you more realistic level of resources. Including your original free time, you can use the money, etc. , will have to be together with the child's life in the future to consider and plan. And you can take this opportunity to ask yourself, is that acceptable to me? Am I ready to take responsibility for this life?
4. Have I matured enough to raise this child well?
In this period, you may also worry, I am still a child, how to raise a child? Am I mature enough to be a "good mother"? Will I delay his growth? Will it hurt him instead? However, in fact, we have not been able to guarantee that we are already the most perfect, suitable for parents of the state;
5. Is my partner the right person to raise a child together?
If you are in a two-parent family, are your partner ready for this life? What kind of practical support do you feel you need when you have children? What kind of upbringing expectations do you each have, and is there any place that goes against it and needs coordination? It's important to have a good teammate and you'll be able to save a lot of effort, so it's better to consider your other half's status. (Extended reading: "The more you want to have children, thebetter your feelings are" Counselor: Want to maintain a stable relationship and discuss at least eight things with your partner before becoming pregnant.
6. How is my health? Is it suitable for pregnancy?
Next, let's examine our physical condition. Pregnancy will give you a completely different physical feel, you may even feel that everything is strange, your body does not seem to be your own; You will also be less nervous.
7. Will the current external environment make this child grow up well and have a happy future?
Maybe we've done everything we can to prepare, but it's still out of control. Some people, for example, also take into account the external environment. May it be the effect of global warming, whether the political atmosphere is volatile, whether the national educational environment is friendly, and so on, and thus think, this child will really be happy after birth? And if you're going to be worried, you might think about the next decision.
8. I want a child in the constellation, okay?
This answer may surprise you a little, but there are quite a few mothers-to-be who want to think about it! Perhaps it is because you know that they are particularly out of step with certain constellations personality, or have a particular favorite which constellation, usually in the study of the stars, the heart may have these lists. This process may make you think, why do I particularly want a child with some personality? What do I want to do with each other? And what would be the subject if the child was particularly difficult to raise today? After all, these things are harder to get under our control.
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If I need to pay so much, why do I want to have a child?
Seeing this, you may want to ask, since having a child, we have to consider so many conditions, but also a lot of pay, so why do people still want to be a mother? This may include our expectations of a new identity, and, more deeply, our realization that it will allow us to experience the feeling of having a home.
A mother onHuffpostshares her own experience son-in-law, and the experience of having a baby involves once again understanding each other with your native family. For example, when he brought his children back to his parents' homes, he found that when he saw his parents love his grandson, he could feel love and healing. Beyond that, you'll be raising your children and finding yourself in need of a moment-long battle with your childhood; you may realize that you don't want to repeat the way your parents treated yourself, and you may be repairing lost emotions by building your own home.
And go home in the past in the people interview, we also visited a lot of mothers' family experience, and have similar answers. Mrs. Science, for example, once shared that his mother's love for her grandson was more than he could have imagined:
"My mom's going to do something crazy lately, and he's going to tell stories to my son, something I've never heard of when I was a kid. For example, it is very vivid to my son said that there is a little mouse in the ceiling, you have to drink milk, the little mouse will come to you. I heard next to me very silly eyes, he has never been like this before ah! 」
In an interview with the writer Lin Weiwei, she once mentioned, "Having children, I found that I was so loved when I was a child":
"My mother wouldn't have been more intimate with me. After a small will feel very lonely, and even feel, why does n'or her mother do not like me? But after my baby was born, she would come to bring her grandson and say, "I've sung this song to you before." I discovered that my mother actually loved children, and that I should have been treated the same way before. 」
With children, we seem to experience another childhood, with the child's age step by step, to see the past did not have the opportunity to understand things. For example, when my mother actually meant this, they were in that situation; we had the opportunity to grow again, but also to let those who always miss, have a chance to reconcile with themselves.
Everyone's reasons for having children are different, and there are many reasons for us to stop and hesitate. However, there may never be a time to be ready, but as soon as we open our conversations with ourselves, or with ourselves and our partners, we will be closer to our ideal home.