The education experienced by women has led women to choose to turn their anger, sadness, and fear into a "sorry" in their lives, and over time, these habits of apology have been transformed into self-blame and injury, constantly undermining women's self-confidence.
"I'm sorry I was in a meeting, so I didn't get a call. 」
"I'm sorry, I wasn't free that day. 」
"I'm sorry, i didn't make it clear that I misunderstood you. 」
Have you ever calculated how many times you say you're sorry in a day? At work, we apologize to our co-worker supervisor at no or five hours, we apologize for letting our family down when we get home, and we have dinner with friends, and we apologize for our time, and sometimes "I'm sorry" has become your starting point, even though many times you don't know why you apologize.
In 2020, women's fans did a "women's power survey", 3/8 published the results of the survey, in which nearly four in 10 women said they did not feel fulfilled, and 46.8 percent of them said they had something to do with their "habitual modesty and retreat." In fact, whether in the workplace, women in the family, relationship, often habitually retreat and apologize, but also tend to show modesty, low self-esteem, this may result in the achievements of women are easy to be buried, not seen by society, and, they are not easy to affirm themselves, tend to think that all problems, are their own problems. (Extended reading:What do women think of themselves in 2020?) Women's Force Survey: Nearly 40% of Women in the Workplace Do Not Have a Sense of Achievement)
We didn't apologize, and then we apologized for being harassed.
There have been a number of studies in the past that have discussed ways to apologize between men and women, such as The Journal Of Psychological Science, published in 2010,in which college students recorded the number of apologies they made within 12 days, and recorded that they felt they had done something to apologize, and researchers tracked the group to find out when they felt they owed themselves an apology.
The figures show that 81% of men and women think they should apologize for their offending behavior. But another finding of the study suggests that women's apologies are lower than men's, such as interrupting a friend to sleep in the middle of the night, women think they owe a friend an apology, and men don't think they need to apologize.
The study, which 10 years ago, found that women are more likely to apologize for what they have done, and by 2020, we still see that most women are used to apologizing in the workplace - even though women don't have to apologize.
But what makes women more accustomed to apologizing to this society?
When recalling childhood, it can be found that women in social education learn to surrender, submissive, bear the voice, women are expected to be able to undertake emotional labor (Emotional Labor), in the family need softer and considerate, in the workplace to become a role in softening tension. Women must be patient with other people's careless jokes, and they must turn a blind eye to inappropriate verbal harassment. At the same time, society has made women "keeping calm" responsibility, and today is being violently treated because she bows her head, which indirectly sends a message that women must obey and please others in order to keep themselves safe.
In an exclusive interview with the documentary filmmaker He Zhaoxuan, she spoke of her experience of sexual harassment and her decision to resist and pursue the perpetrators:
"Because I can imagine if I wonder if I'm not right, too exposed, too uncensored, if I reflect on myself and don't say my anger, it will affect me for a long time." Because that's what women interpret as moral wrongdoers. 」
"So I think gender education is important, first I know I'm safe, and I have to react, not just to show that I'm a female subject, but to be - I'm not going to continue to hurt myself." 」
The education experienced by women has led women to choose to turn their anger, sadness, and fear into a "sorry" in their lives, and over time, these habits of apology have been transformed into self-blame and injury, constantly undermining women's self-confidence. (Extended Reading: The Gentlest and Cruelest, Teenage 18-Year-Old Youth: An Interview with "The Future Is Unharmed"
Photo By Karolina ski-cim on Unsplash
When you stop apologizing, you feel more powerful.
Actor Amy Schumer once imitated a girl's constant apology in everyday life in "Inside Amy Schumer": when someone called your name by the wrong name, you say "sorry" and then point it out; when you accidentally rob someone of another, you apologize; and when someone misunderstands you, you apologize.
"I find that I am always used to starting a sentence with sorry. When I stopped apologizing, I felt powerful. Amy Schumer
Not saying meaningless sorry, is to let the power return to yourself, you can reason, you can stop blaming yourself. If you're looking for confidence, start with everyday life, practice using other words instead of sorry, sorry, and being polite doesn't mean you need to apologize: for example, if you want to correct someone else's words, you can start with "I want to add a little";
If you're afraid of yourself and start apologizing unconsciously, ask your family and friends to remind you. Do some small exercises every day, record the number of times you say you're sorry, consciously reduce meaningless sorry, and slowly regain your self-confidence.
You have to remember, to assume their responsibilities, and do not have to bear, do not take on their own.