In a relationship, can you allow the other person to have a secret? When your partner hides something, should he or not be asked to speak out?
Recently, artist Chen Erin shared her views on the gun in the community, saying that without any deception or cheating, it is normal to have sexual needs. And because she and her partner know each other's past, they won't go to the past anymore.
How difficult is it to get into a relationship that is mutually present?
Some would say that secrets are the biggest cancer in a relationship. Many partners often quarrel over each other's secrets, worried about whether the other person is hiding what they are doing, what to do sorry for themselves, we always think: since love, what else is not good to say? Shouldn't relationships be open to trust?
Of course, there are other groups of people who think that being together doesn't mean we should share everything, and we can still keep our privacy and little secrets.
So when you or your partner has secrets, should you say it?
To be completely honest can you exchange total trust?
We often hear that relationships are based on honesty with each other, which is the way to maintain a long-term relationship. However, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2018 by the American Psychological Association, people have an average of 13 secrets in relationships, the most common secrets associated with "sex", for example, being attracted to people other than their partners, or even acting (infidelity). But no matter what the other person's secret is, from emotional betrayal to stealing a piece of cake, it is likely to continue to hurt your relationship, and these injuries are all aspects, making yourself or the other person anxious, nervous, and reducing the happiness of the relationship.
See here, perhaps you will quickly enter the conclusion: in order to maintain the relationship, today decided to tell each other their secret, by the way the other party to hand over the mobile phone password!
But wait a minute.
Secrets are the biggest obstacle to intimacy, and that doesn't mean that when you confess, the other person can give the most appropriate response. If the other person does not have enough knowledge, sometimes honesty may become another kind of harm. For example, if that secret is associated with childhood trauma, sexual assault, domestic violence, or mental illness, then when the other party does not have the same, relevant knowledge background, at this time open, the harm to themselves will be greater.
We may be able to rethink, behind the secret, not necessarily deliberately concealed, may be more, can not speak out of the pain.
"But he never said, let me mind" know the secret, really can promote the relationship?
You're anxious because the other person has secrets, but let's stop and think, do you care about the "secret" or his "deliberate" or his "deliberate"?
Even if you get along for a long time, people can not know each other 100 percent, there is bound to be some things the other side do not know, it is likely to die do not know, that will be brought to the grave to become a secret of a lifetime. So, when you look back, when you find that the other person is hiding from you and someone you don't know to send a message, in fact, you may not care most about what message he sent, but why when you "ask" and he "deliberately does not say."
What you fear is his attitude and consideration of relationships. So, find the right time, like a dinner, when the two sit down and chat together, share the insecurity and anxiety you feel in the relationship, and feel that trust in him is dismembering. Then we discuss edged together, in addition to public secrecy, other ways to rebuild trust: maybe you need a little more time together this Saturday, maybe later when you send a message, don't just read it, put back a picture or, you can discuss a time limit for public secrecy, give the other side time to think, It also helps you stop thinking.
It is not easy to admit the whole, behind the secret, perhaps more need to be solved, but rather the problem of trust. Until then, the two might as well create other ways to build trust together.