Interview Fukuhara love, there is a strict mother of her, from an early age feel that the relationship between the two people than mother and daughter, more like the coach and team members. She said that less intimate salutation and interaction, she also once felt, mother does not love me?
Little love of the game career, those who dare not speak, worry about their own bad, afraid of not being able to meet the expectations of others feelings, as well as her tears, in addition to the face of coaches, teammates, competitors, spectators;
If you've looked at Little Love's growth record, it's probably not hard to see that she has a very strict mother.
Speaking of which, she also said without giving a snobbean, that her relationship with her mother, like the coach's relationship with the team, was: "I'm not going to spoil her, hug her, or hold hands or anything." Just feel, a little bit of distance feeling. 」
Photo: Fukuhara Love Offers
I've been told that she doesn't love me.
In her recent book, "I'm Ready for Crying Anyway," She wrote that she felt she had no childhood. The amount of time other children can enjoy is a luxury for her. At that time, her mother educated her in a very harsh way. From the level of life, table tennis, to school, nothing can give up.
So, in the face of her mother, she often had a very tight feeling, and even once felt that her mother did not love herself: "Like my colleague's mother, the child will be very gentle, call them named . . . sauce." But my mother, from an early age, only called me "love". 」
"She had some very strict insistence on me at the time. Like when I was fifteen years old to athens Olympic Games, before the game every night at eight or nine o'clock home, she also insisted that the tutor to help me on a one- or two-hour class, to the day before departure I was still studying, and books must be brought to the Olympic Village. After going to the game, she called me every day, not asking how I was doing or how I was doing, but asking if I had read. 」
"There was another time to the Open, i had a high fever to 39 degrees eight, a whole three days of burning can not be back, but she will put drugs on my ass, let me continue to practice." At that time I was full of people, she thought that no matter what the result, there is no loss, just can not abstain. 」
"If I cry, she'll say, "Don't cry." I asked her, in that moment, will feel aggrieved? Or what else does it feel like? "Just think, listen to Mom." When I was a child, my mother was all i have. 」
Mom, I want you to say i'm good once.
That "all" is actually behind a kind of waiting, a little hope, in the mother's own set of many standards, one day she will know that she really did it, and then she will be praised.
"In my memory, there is really very little praise. 」
Hard childhood, the mother to train her to become a not easy to give up, perseverance of the girl. But she has also had countless times full of grievances, do not understand why mother to treat themselves without a little mercy and love, from home to the court, and then from the court to home, a moment must not rest.
"Like now I cook for her, she'll say it's too salty or too sweet, or not enough. Today this soup is slightly tasteless or a little salty, she won't touch it, or will you ask, didn't you try it yourself? I asked how i felt about that moment. "Actually, it's normal for me not to praise me. 」
So for her, to get the mother's identity, like a goal; the mother's standard for her daughter is like hanging high there, she looked for a long time, thinking that one day, in her body can get her long-awaited recognition. That's what she's been after until now: "I hope she can praise me." 」
She wanted to copy me, but I couldn't copy the same daughter anymore.
Mother reprimanded her every word, and she still remembers it. Worried about letting her mother down, afraid of the other side do not want their own, she tried to catch up, but can't help thinking, how can you bear to talk to me like that? Do you hate me?
Speaking of which, I asked her, and when did she start to compare and "understand" these things? "On the one hand, I also became a mother after the discovery, before the mother cooked three meals a day, each meal of the dishes, soup is not the same. I later found out that it was really hard! 」
"She used to be the last person in the family to sleep, the first to get up in the morning, and I've never seen or heard of her where she's been, and she never told me. Mother to their own strict, small love is also, like to copy a self, to exercise her daughter's tenacity, to let her be independent, and get a lifetime without going to the insistence.
"She used to be so strict that I couldn't abstain from every race, and that's the pride Of me growing up - I've had a life that I didn't give up until the last minute. Maybe which time to give up, after a little bit of things will think, this time also give up good, it becomes a way to allow their own escape. Mother just sealed the road directly. She said she would slowly feel that her mother's strictness must be behind her reasons.
Photo: Fukuhara Love Offers
Just back now, I asked her if she was also a mother, would she have the same standard for her daughter? "I can't, because I can't." Instead, calling her daughter her daughter's name now, she wants to be very close, and she wants to be able to hold hands and hug with her children in the future; she wants to work hard to build an imaginary relationship in which she can express emotions without feeling hesitant.
I think of the sentence she wrote in her book, everyone has 100 points of love in their lives, just from different places. If there is anything in the past that her mother cannot understand, if now, she still has to go this way to pursue an identity, she still wants to say that everyone, in fact, has the same love. Maybe you can't get it from here now, but dear, you don't have to be disappointed in yourself, because one day you will know that you are always in the care of the world somewhere, in another place.
What they taught me.
What if you also feel that there is some estrangement and friction between your family?
1. Get a fix in the process of experiencing different identities, such as having children, and you'll go through your childhood again and see different native family relationships.
2. You will always have the ability to set up a home you want, and to give the relationship model you once aspired to.
3. Believe that everyone has 100 points of love in their lives, just from different places.