Interview With Fukuhara Love: A truly happy marriage won't make you feel at the expense of yourself

Fukuhara married Taiwanese snooker player Jiang Hongjie in 2016 and announced her retirement in 2018, ending her career at table tennis, and is now a mother of two in 2020. But in addition to the family, small love did not give up the cause, still strive for their own want to do, including table tennis promotion and so on continue to pay. She says it's important that a woman, even if she has a family, always has to reserve space for herself, and that marriage, marriage, is also a topic that she has been talking about again and again in her new book, "I Cry Anyway."

But when she was 20, she didn't think so.

Growing up in a traditional Japanese educational environment, she said she grew up dreaming of getting married, being a housewife, getting ready for just a good temperature meal and hot bath before her husband came home, putting an indoor drag at the door, and gently saying today's hard work when the other side opened the door. When I heard this I asked her, was it very happy to think of these pictures? She didn't hesitate to say, yes, very happy, and still.

Photo: Nishan Jixin Photography

People ask me what I'm going to do later, and I say it's to marry a housewife.

She says she has always had this idea that girls will one day sacrifice themselves for their families.

"I used to be in touch with players from all over the world because I was playing, and I told them I wanted to get married, and when I was a housewife, they would laugh at me and say, "Do you love you? 』。 」

"I thought, "I'm going to ask him before my husband leaves work, do you want to take a bath first, or do you want to eat first?" If he said it was a meal, think about what time my husband came back, to cook at what time, so that he can eat the most temperature of the meal; 」

There will be the idea of a male and female master in mind, in addition to being influenced by the external environment in Japan, she mentions, and may also be related to her mother: "My mother was older, 38 years old, gave birth to me; When I was a child, she would teach me how to cook, help with housework, and take care of men because I was a girl. My brother probably doesn't have to do all these things. 」

His mother is a full-time housewife, and so is his sister-in-law. She thought in her heart that there was nothing wrong with it.

And then she really met the marriageable person and got into a marriage; instead, at this point in time, she had the opportunity to think about more options: "In the past, when she was a player, I thought that girls would one day sacrifice themselves for their families; but I met my family now, and they've been very supportive and have helped me to do what I want to do." Later I found that, in fact, whether boys or girls, there is the encouragement and understanding of people around you, you do not have to give up work or dreams for the sake of family. 」

Speaking of which, the media will rush to report that she is married a good husband, but also lucky to have a good mother-in-law. However, she wants to say, there is no one-off happiness, all you see, can have these patterns of comicos, in fact, is also through each other to pay, efforts, constant communication, mutual understanding and get.

Photo: Fukuhara Love Offers

Marriage is like playing a team game, you don't need and can't take on everything alone

Speaking of which, always feel the small lover as its name, the pursuit of love is very clear. And she also in this marriage gradually understand that the so-called love is not a clear responsibility, but has the courage to share a family: "Before the interaction with XiaoJie, I put the division of labor between boys and girls very clearly, feel that the family must all girls to do." But with him, married found that on the one hand he is willing to share with me, and if two people can face together, whether it is hard, happy or sense of accomplishment, you can share together. 」

With And Jay together, into a home, they no matter how many small things will be discussed together, and then together to face, solve.

She said it was a lot like playing table tennis in the group stage before: "When I was captain, I valued the "heart temperature" of the whole team. Because if today this person's heart is a little cooler, this person's heart a little hot, everyone's attitude is different, so it is difficult to achieve the goal together. 」

So, not their separate troubles, I thought girls have to sacrifice work only for the family, but I still do not want to give up the life how to do? It is that no matter what desires you each have, from one person to two, there will be more difficulties in life that you can't imagine, but no matter what you are about to face, you are not sure that you can solve it well, but at least you will share your life.

Whether it's a trans-national marriage or not, you don't say anything, he really doesn't understand.

And maintaining a marriage is just as important, she feels, to be able to keep communication open.

Entering a cross-national marriage, she was often asked about the difficulties of running and getting along. For little love, however, the core is the same, that is, you have to be able to speak your mind, and willing to communicate.

"Because everyone looks at things and feels things differently. So, the way to get two people closer, in addition to the "share together, keep the temperature of the heart in sync", is that you can really say how you feel inside.

"I used to think that my husband, for me, was the closest person, and I didn't say he should understand it, did I?" But not. Then I'm still feeling depressed and wondering why you don't know me. 」

"Later, whether you speak well or not, as long as you can express the truth, coupled with the other side is willing to understand, he has that heart, must understand what it means." In addition, many times because of close, express love, gratitude, it becomes very important: "For example, you want the other person to help you do household chores, do not feel because you are a husband, so normal." You must say, hard, thank you, good to have your help. No one wants to listen to that. 」

In this process, both the originator and the recipient can feel that they are valued. Because in my heart, some people are equally concerned, and between need and need, is full of love and gratitude.

Photo: Fukuhara Love Offers

To the sandwich family: for who hard for whom busy, can not lose yourself

Fukuhara, 31, plays the role of daughter, wife and mother. The happiness of the dream of getting married in the past hasn't changed, but the way it's going. Because she finally discovers that the more you play a different role, the less you can give up your own space.

"I used to think I was a mother, a daughter-in-law, a wife, and I knew very well about these roles, and I felt that because I was a daughter, I had to listen to my mother, or because I was a daughter-in-law, I had to listen to my mother-in-law. But then found that the long-term will be very tired, there will be has been depressed their feelings. 」

"I'm a person, I'll have my own ideas, and this thing must come out." It's not that I'm white, if I turn red I'll turn red, i'll turn green. So no matter what role I am, the 'self' thing is like a pillar, a pillar in my heart, that will support you. 」

At this stage, apart from being easily lost to yourself, you have to always remind yourself to keep yourself, and more importantly, because you're playing a group game: "Like when you're 20 years old, you feel like you're going to end the day." But now I've found that every day, everything, is connected, and the end of the day is the beginning of tomorrow and the beginning of the future. 」

Getting married in the past was a bit like a life goal, like running a marathon, 42.195km, and finishing her job. But at this moment she gradually realized that when she entered the family life, it was no longer a personal matter. And the more you are, the more you will be able to catch yourself.

Speaking of which I asked her, do you like myself more than now?

"Of course it would have been easier to feel before, the feeling of ending the day; 'It's not important to be more comfortable or to be old, ' she says. But now that you have a family, more identities, so everything is different; you need to be more responsible than you have ever been with yourself and the people around you.

"As for likes or dislikes, I think it's all about me. 」

Much like she said, now she still loves to cry. The feeling of wanting to cry is the same, all want to use a way to solve the accumulation of things in the heart. And that one of their own undertones also did not change, tears is the customs code, once brought her to become stronger hope, now, is in the tears, see their identity is easier, from girl to woman, tears temperature, so that she can hear their innermost desire for things.

What they taught me.

If you want to know, what's the secret to maintaining a relationship?

1. Housework, decision-making, if you can, let two people face together, but also share the sense of failure or achievement.

2. Everyone's background is different, so think about trying to speak out and maintain smooth communication.

3. After entering a marriage, be sure to keep your life and what you're interested in.