Interview Xiaosheng, talk about the feelings of rarely seen male vulnerability. When gender equality becomes universal value, when people shout for women's rights, have you ever thought that men are also victims of patriarchy?

"Girl / brother taiwan Hello, I am a baby, occasionally guest reply, dotting your life." 」

Girl? Brother? In this era, how can someone respond to the emotional problems of contemporary men and women in the ancient way? Open the PTT men's and women's version, mention the hot gods, Xiaosheng is definitely one of the most representative people. The text always brings a little "old" gas, perhaps from ancient times to the present, troubled the world's men and women's feelings, in fact, has never changed it.

In 2015, Xiaosheng was red-hot on the PTT board, and he was humorous, fluid, blind and not aggressive. So, a vote of the villagers to xiaosheng as a beacon of feelings, hoping that he will guide himself to find the "right person" in life.

And wrote hundreds of replies, and even out of the second collection of essays, "to love into the seat", he said only the sentence "if your ideal "right person", are heard from other people, such as height to 180 cm, to look like Kong Liu, to be very gentle and very rich, is usually impossible to find. Because, such a good object how can round to get you, ha haha haha. 」

Science and technology men do not say nonsense, a word to break the emotional truth, "we are all just ordinary people, the object of communication will not be 100 percent like the ideal type, but after talking about a love or two, you will know what kind of person, what kind of emotional pattern." 」

As a minority of physiological male writers on relational issues. What men's anxiety and emptiness have not been discussed and understood? What impact does male involvement have on a relationship? At the end of march, let's talk about the changing needs of men when gender equality becomes universal value.

can't solve the dilemma, so that men can only self-deprecating

To understand the situation of men, first do a network observation.

Open Google and enter "How to Fall in Love", full of articles such as "A few things girls must know" and "As long as there are a few things, he's your Mr. Right." Seemingly practical and reliable, but wait, why do only women need to know how to fall in love? Why aren't men missing in the discussion of popular articles? Do men need love?

Xiaosheng put forward this observation: "A lot of emotional teaching on the market is for girls, but in fact boys also have these needs, boys also want to be seen the softness of the heart." It's a male dilemma to want to be seen and say no to export. (Recommended reading: Interview with The City Men's Old Heart Station Director Huang Huiren: At least Don't Let Men Feel Isolated)

In the face of relationship management, regardless of gender, we all start from scratch. But when society long tells men to dominate, to be strong, what is good trouble, it is easy to ignore the fragile part of the male mind. "So later, because i didn't know how to solve the problem, boys often easily solved it in another way of self-deprecating - I'm a million-year-old, I just can't get a girlfriend." 」

Unable to solve the problem itself, men had to push the problem to "all external conditions are wrong". Maybe I'm not rich enough, maybe Not high enough, or maybe there are other better people. All kinds of self-denial emotions occupy the hearts of men, every sleepless night, they can not sleep, also can not find the real core of the problem.

And because the spiritual needs have not been valued for a long time, but also lead to men in the face of difficulties, the general habit of the problem is attributed to external specific conditions, rather than their own internal mental problems. "If the break-up, boys used to find obvious visible, quantifiable, comparable reasons, they are less to think is not suitable, is not their own wrong words and other reasons." You usually question yourself with external conditions, because once you find it, you can change it, such as work, such as wealth. 」

That's why the emergence of Xiaosheng is especially important - he wants to tell men that you don't have enough money, you don't think enough.

Why do the boys on the gossip page like to say "feminist buffet"?

Since he is active in the PTT community, Xiaosheng is also very interested in the gossip version ecology, which has always had a tendency to hate women and is tired of women. "If you go to the gossip page, you'll find that there are groups of boys who just don't want to understand women at all and have been criticizing the "feminist buffet." 」

Why is it toward sexist duality? "We have evolved from a society of traditional values to the present, advocating gender parity and women's autonomy, a process that I think is a bit green and yellow," Xiaosheng said. When society is constantly talking about "promoting women's rights" rather than "breaking the rigid patriarchy system", it is easy to be seen as not just emphasizing women's voices, but ignoring that men are also victims of patriarchy.

Thus, the claim of a feminist buffet may have something to do with the lack of a breakthrough in the fight for sex, a new concept that is well connected to both men and women. Fault is not a man or a woman, wrong is patriarchal thinking, so that men are soft not to be seen, so that women can only become a flat image.

Asked if he felt he could take on male vulnerability, about 45 percent of the readership in a PTT environment with a lot of discriminatory comments, he said, "I think what I'm doing is providing a channel for everyone to vent, including when I reply to messages, I also want to be a neutral character." I'm not particularly biased in favor of girls or boys, I just say what I should say, with this person as the center, with him as the starting point, to think about what kind of advice I should give. 」

No matter the gender, and no matter what stage you are experiencing is ambiguous, love, run-in, break-up, are welcome to find a small student chat. If you're slow to start a relationship smoothly, he wants you to focus on yourself, and if you keep thinking about compounding, he wants you to examine your real needs. (Recommended reading: Xiaosheng essays, feelings seem to be only responsible, but also to continue together? ) )

I can live well and believe that everyone can live well.

"I actually wanted to reply on PTT at first because i was out of love. It turned out that he was able to give advice because he had also experienced pain. At that time, in order to attract the attention of his ex-girlfriend, he began to reply, trying to comfort men and women in the same situation. Didn't expect, did not find an ex-girlfriend, but for their own find a new direction of life. "In the process of replying, I saw more different emotional orientations, or emotional ways I had never been exposed, and these issues slowly corrected the angle of my own sentimental outlook. 」

From the first to the next few hundred, Xiaosheng's mailbox flooded into more and more private information, he found that he seemed to be able to help a little, so he decided to quit his job to concentrate on working at home as a full-time writer. Don't clock to work days, listen to romantic leisure, but in fact the process is extremely laborious.

"Then maybe three or four years later, I became pretty hard. At that time just finished the second book, also happens to be the peak of the rise of audio and video, the brand's advertising budget is invested in the audio and video creators, the text naturally becomes more difficult. He faced the negative feelings of the people in the feelings, while taking on the sense of instability in his life, for a while, found that this way is not the way to go. "I felt like I was on the edge and I knew I couldn't do it, and I should go back to work and get back to work. 」

Experience full-time writing workers, and then return to the workplace, looking back on this journey, when no longer using words as a means of life, Xiaosheng admitted that he now believes that "reply is a kind of mission."

"I have just broken up from a little boy, slowly grow up to now, learn more about love, more know how to get along with others, has become a better person, but also know my wife now. Although life still seems to have difficulties and challenges to face, but I am now living very happy, contented. I hope to use this course, tell you, at that time I think the world is going to be destroyed, but after such a series of growth, I can live very well, I believe you can too. Everyone can live better, and they can find the right person and happiness.

Xiaosheng's story is probably like this, from the fact that he accepted the fact that he lost love, found himself able to undertake more discussion and emotion, and then experience the past did not think of the emotional view. We see that when men are willing to talk about vulnerability, are willing to deal with anxiety head-on, don't attract ridicule, don't attract criticism, but more understand themselves, have the opportunity to make the right choices, and thus achieve their ideal life.

Finally, sort out three tips for you:

  1. There is no ideal object of one hundred, only the "right person" who has more advantages than disadvantages.
  2. Speaking openly about your vulnerability won't make you laugh, but gives you a chance to be understood.
  3. Even if you are in pain, believe that you have a good chance.

How does the emotional writer's emotional path go? See next: Interview with Xiaosheng: When his wife's first birth check, I didn't dare to accompany her, I didn't feel confident to be a good father