Many people who see the news of the divorce will refer directly to the fact that the client is "selfish" and "disregarding the child's feelings", and seem to believe that when you decide to become a parent, you should not have other options in your life. However, we rarely think, this will be our myth about the "perfect family"? From The news of Ho Wei, talk about how to face the children's care and communication after the divorce.
In April this year, the female artist He Wei announced the news of divorce, these days, the media catch the wind and shadow, mentioned how she wronged herself before marriage;
In the face of these statements, the established social values, she has not shied away from talking, nor should she have chosen to change; (Extended reading: Written after He Wei's divorce: choose to separate, precisely because she knows herself well enough)
Including her mother's day this year, she told the China Times that divorce affected children. 'I don't want to hide it from her kids- my mom is hurt now, I may not be as good as I used to be, but can we try together?' she said.
Photo: He Wei Facebook
"After the divorce, my children become happier."
We have discussed in the past that He chose to end the marriage peacefully because of his self-confessedness. Not because of who's right and who's wrong, but because we may no longer be fit to have a couple' identity, no longer fit for such a relationship model. However, seeing this you may want to ask, when two people want to separate, how to avoid children affected?
Indeed, with children, divorce may no longer be a matter of separation between two people. Some people will also for the sake of children, and continue to hide their own do not want a relationship, so support for a lifetime. However, she did not take this path.
After announcing the divorce in mid-April, she told a media outlet that they had gone through a lot of discussion and coordination after the problem was discovered a year ago;
"We have a tacit understanding that we will not let our children be affected in any thing. We may end up with our own lives and friends, but the children will be placed in the most important focus of our family of four, a lifetime. 」
Many netizens see the news of divorce, will refer directly to the client "selfish", "regardless of the child's feelings" and so on, seems to assume that when you decide to become a parent at the moment, your life should not have other choices.
However, we rarely think, this will be our myth about the "perfect family"? The state of each family is different, and the relationship between the child and the parents continues to change. "From the day we ended our relationship, I could feel the peace and relaxation of the family, " he said. My children are becoming happier. 」
Rather than determining that "a father and a mother's home in law" is equal to "happiness", perhaps more precious is that we confess each other's needs, and then willing to use more love to undertake this fate. If this is a better choice for all of us, perhaps the child will read the meaning of the word "divorce" when the child is old, however, the so-called home, is someone do not give up to love you, and you know that you have not been a single.
Confessed to the child: Moms will be in pain and are practicing how to become a better mother
In an interview with the China Times on Mother's Day this year, Mr. Ho said,
"If you'd ask me to give myself a few points as a mom, it was 85 before the marriage, last year I was 65 in the treatment of lost my love, and now it's 75." But I believe it will get higher and higher. 」
She has mentioned in the boosh news interview in the past that she is an emotionally sensitive person who needs to be taken care of in her mood. After the divorce, she also focused on the mood and acceptance of her two daughters.
She says she handles her children's emotions carefully and worries about hurting them in the process. However, she does nuns: "When I go to a counselor later, I tell my child that I'm not feeling well, so I need to see a doctor." 」
At that time, the eldest daughter asked, "But mother did not cough, fever ah." She was referring to the location of her heart, "Mommy is sore here, this is also sick, need the doctor's treatment." 」
It's like saying, Mom's not in a good shape. I'll have 85 minutes, and i'll have 65 points. Because I am a mother, a former wife, and I am also a woman, is myself. Slowly, she guides the child to see what she really looks like, but with each other can understand, accept, and communicate with the child without harming the other.
From marriage to parenthood, He yi seems to be explaining a concept that is to be honest with your inner feelings, not only is it not selfish behavior, but it is your way of cherishing each other. It's also like an invitation, she says, 'I'm not the perfect mom, and a lot of things happen in reality, but I've been practicing how to be a better family for each other.' And would you like to come with me?
If you're on a similar path, maybe her story can give you a little way forward.