I always thought I'd love boys forever, until I found myself a little bit concerned about "she." I try many ways to convince that it's not like or love, but feelings and bodies don't lie after all.
I like boys.
This sentence, this should be a simple positive sentence, but after rising to the country, began to have a question mark.
From kindergarten to sixth grade, I've always had a heart-thnist look at boys. And that kind of childish but pure like, very direct, usually before the shift or graduation, will certainly pass to the class know. Each little girl and little boy's "relationship diagram" is the secret that circulates in the note, and it is also a dark love game in which almost the whole class is involved.
Boys love girls, girls love boys, we don't know that there are other combinations.
when I met Y. She cut short hair, never wore the school rules girls to wear the uniform dress, from the back to see the past like a boy. We chatted and enjoyed our time with each other. At first, I thought of Y as my best friend, and then I didn't know when to start, and when there were other girls who were too close to Y, I was jealous.
I don't know what happened to me. The mood is full of panic and anxiety, do not know who can tell.
It was 2011, gays were seen as a minority, gay parades were not yet popular, I had not seen gay movies like "Blue is the warmest color" or "Love you", and my gender consciousness had not yet been enlightened.
Photo A photo of "Blue is the warmest color"
I try many ways to convince that it's not "like" or "love", but feelings and bodies don't lie after all.
We spent three years together, saying long, short, but also enough to prove that this mind is not a short illusion.
Grow up a little bit more and occasionally talk to other people about the relationship. Once, I was very confused, whether I was heterosexual, gay, or bisexual? Later, I began to feel that defining what sexual orientation I was, it didn't really matter.
Perhaps, I have always loved boys, or maybe I met a girl who made me heart move.
After Y, all three of the people I dated were men. And whether or not I will like women again in the future, I know that the feeling really exists, as to what name or label, for me, do not have to care too much.
Gender spectrum: You're not black or white
At that time, if someone had talked to me about gay issues or gender spectrum, maybe I wouldn't be so helpless.
The Taiwan Gay Advisory Hotline has compiled a detailed description of the "gender spectrum". Simply put, you can extend them from these four sentences:
- I was born a dragonfly.
- I think I'm a dragonfly.
- I look like a dragonfly.
- What I like about is the dragonfly.
Photo: Taiwan Gay Hotline
I always thought I'd only like boys for the rest of my life, until I met someone and made me realize the mobility and diversity on the spectrum.
Gender is not black or white, love is not.
When we know the meaning of the existence of the gender spectrum, we are more able to understand everyone in the world. If I could, I wish someone had told me about the 13-year-old. (Same Show: Confessions of a Heterosexual Girl: The Place That Makes Me Most Comfortable, Not Everyday, Is A Gay Parade)
After "different", I live a softer life.
Looking back now, the relationship with girls in China seems to give me some indication of the future.
After going to college, I paid more attention to gender issues, in addition to taking courses, but also participated in the Queer Film Festival, gay parades, marriage equality concerts and other initiatives, or write related articles, so that their views in the media fermentation.
During my time with girls, I lived as a gay man, and then realized the privilege sitping in my former life as a "different girl" - who loved to hide and talk about not having to worry about not getting married.
After experiencing "different" experience, I live a gentler life.
I started to focus on things that I didn't care about, and I knew I was going to keep doing it.
Photo Bye Bye, Lip
Walk on the path of sex, and constantly untie one knot after another. None of these knots came later, they were there very early, but they were not seen at first, or I chose not to see them.
Not everyone is heterosexual or gay, and not everyone has experience like me. But most of all, we can understand and respect all kinds of gender or sexual orientations.
I used to think that I would always be a heterosexual girl and always like boys. But that's not the case, and I'm glad To have this story.