Thai Spicy is a YouTuber, KOL and display designer who speaks for the gay community. Confident, he was also a tearful rose boy, after decades, he finally walked from the dark to the light, live again.
At two o'clock in the afternoon, it rained in Taichung. Thai spicy accommodation with studio in the alley, the location is quiet and quiet. Just got out of the car, a boy to pull the door, cordially greet us in, intuition is very accurate to tell me: that is the thai hot husband.
Thai spicy while greeting us, while looking in the mirror to grease powder. He asked us for tea or coffee, and then asked her husband to prepare it. Even if the new people come, not excessive restraint, self-real, very hostess's gas field.
The thai home has three floors. The first floor is the studio, the third floor is the bedroom, the second floor is our half-day room and studio. Step up the long steps, through the corridor, behind the door into the eye, is as if the ancient court will appear in the scene. Style arches, fine carpets, fine blue porcelain, as well as classical selection, furniture is very gorgeous, but not dazzling, elegant still leave white. So you won't suspect that in addition to being youTuber and KOL, it's also a showcase designer.
Leaning against the sofa, Thai sat down. I noticed the diamond ring on the hand of Thai Spicy, thinking about the scene nearly half a year away from Thai Spicy's wedding, the touching bridge section of the wedding film is still in sight. Perhaps because I was also a channel viewer, i had a familiar and strange feeling when I first met and looked at him. (Same show:Tyla Thai's wedding to her husband: I am me, you are you, we become ourselves in love)
This time, we started the time series, from the past of Thai spicy from the beginning to chat.
Rose Boy: Say it, the real world is so scary
Tai Spicy now lives a simple and happy life, but in fact he went through a very dark period. Adolescence, he felt that living is not good at all, every birthday of his youth, he made a wish to die at the age of 30.
It sounds painful and real.
He remembers that in the past in the country, when a boy's character is feminine, he will be judged not to be a "normal person". "A lot of gays have a shadow over going to the toilet. 'You have to be scared at all times, because you're going to have to take off your pants to check on the sex, ' he said. 'Almost all of the (male) gays, you ask him, he might have had this experience during his schoolyear.' 」
Bad things don't go away easily, they often get worse. When the students began to use a mop to block the toilet door, and then poured water inside, Thai spicy finally can't stand and decided to do something. In school hours, he went to the toilet himself, hands and feet and practiced how to climb out of the toilet.
Because no one saved him, he had to save himself. Tai Spicy realized early on that the world was unreliable, and he had to bring himself out.
On one occasion, Tai Spicy was forced to go mad, took a mop hit one of them, and then they called him "Xiao Cha some", but no longer dare to approach or bully him.
Does it feel like revenge? Or is it any better in mind? "At the moment, the mood is still fear. Although speaking of these things, the tone of the wind is light, but from the thai spicy eyes, see a deep.
Then we talked about Ye Yong. This is the name that must be mentioned whenever taiwan's sex-leveling process or sex-level education is discussed. On April 20, 2000, Ye Yong, who had been constantly bullied because of his gender, never came back after going to the bathroom in class - he was lying in a pool of blood and died.
This year coincides with the 20th anniversary of Ye Yong's death. A while ago, Tai Chiai, who was a model, took a series of photos in the toilet with the theme of bullying: "Some people die, some people die but are more miserable than they are dead." 」
"I lay in the toilet looking at the ceiling for half an hour, and suddenly I wanted to cry. "Thai hot breathed a sigh of relief, "Such a person as Ye Yong, such as Xu, perhaps he did not immediately die." Lying on the cold floor, even without wondering, a strong sense of loneliness and sourness poured up.
"That sense of loneliness is terrible, it's happening all the time, and it's unknown. Remember to take pictures of the moment, the scene is very similar to the scene of the criminal case, the husband can't help but ask Thai spicy, such rendering will not be too scary? "The real world is so scary, a life is so scary, " he replied. Bullying this matter, do not have to wear a rose filter to see, it is so bloody. 」
Ye Yong is the rose juvenile, Thai spicy is the rose juvenile, but there are many rose teenagers in the world, not seen, also can not make a sound.
It turns out that "being yourself" is strange in the eyes of others.
"I'm a man of the year. "Thai spicy mentioned the water, where he grew up from an early age, "I grew up very outgoing, very self-made." 」
In the child's age, there are usually a lot of discipline, but also because it is easy to be forgiven, there is also a bit of room to break, can escape the established rules of the human world. Tai Spicy will be instinctive to play the best, although there is no lack of feeling that his strange peers, but not to be bullied.
Such true feelings reveal, clearly do not disturb people do not hurt, but after puberty, began to be unacceptable to others. Perhaps it was the first time he realized that the instinct to "do yourself" was strange in the eyes of others.
"I was hated because I knew what I wanted from an early age. For example, when a teacher asks the class what drinks to drink, he raises his hand and says he wants to drink black tea, or when he is a soldier, he will express his opinion clearly, resulting in some of his colleagues unhappy.
Listen to the time I was thinking, those people to the Thai spicy hate, will it actually be a kind of envy? They may be jealous of Thai spicy good and evil, perhaps envious of Thai spicy have to say, after all, most people do not know themselves, let alone become their own.
Tai spicy in high school and a female classmate, tell each other secret, thought it was a sister's good honey, but in exchange for each other in front of the whole class out of the cabinet. "She told me, I'm helping you, you're just going to be yourself. However, helping others out without consent is just bullying others under the name "be themselves".
Those tears in the youth years, so that Thai spicy often feel nowhere to go. "You'll have a feeling of not knowing where to run. "Thai spicy with your hands than in both directions, "you run home, just go back to a home that doesn't know you; 」
With a restless heart, Tai Spicy wants to find a free place to stay. For him at the time, Taipei took on all the yearnings for freedom.
There's a place in this world where you can accept it.
"I found Taipei to be a very interesting city. Thai Spicy recreated the surprise of his first visit to Taipei. In high school, he used hair-cutting as an excuse to travel back and forth between Taichung and Taipei every month.
Originally, there are many ways out in the world, not only your own living space.
And the city of Taipei, the big not let him down.
When he was studying at Shixin University, He met a group of friends, and the friendship continued to this day, and one of them was a friend G egg pudding, now a work partner. Thai spicy, G egg pudding shy introverted, between them meet gay friends know each other, but also change each other's growth. "He softened my thorns, and I ticked out his little soul. 」
"A lot of the friends I've made in college have made a part of my soul. Thai spicy very serious thinking about the words, thinking how to express it appropriate. He says the holes in life that have not been satisfied in the past seem to have finally been filled after meeting the likes of G egg pudding, Apple and Molly. And these mentioned names, also in January this year became the bridesmaids.
Despite the bumpy road to growing up, Tai Spicy is still a strong person. "I think I'm probably a little bit of a wolf in nature!" So he doesn't really know how to teach others to be strong, "You have to believe in yourself first, because when the world questions you and you question yourself, you have no room for it." 」
When you can truly identify with yourself, you have the strength to resist the cruelty and suffering of the world. Once upon a time, Tai Spicy was the child who was trying to find light in the dark, and now he has the ability to shine other rose teenagers. "I'm in a difficult situation, and I'm going to find the light." If there is no exit, I will hit an exit myself. 」