"You have a family to return, and who should my pain go to?" New North Health Bureau crash: Why miss sexual assault victims?

On July 3, the New Taipei Health Bureau reported that a female employee had fallen to her death, and that she had been sexually assaulted and had been in a long-term relationship with violence, according to the Central News Agency.

The female staff mentioned that one night the other party hangover sexual assault, the next day to find their own, "with tears and kneeling with me to confess, said really like me, a moment can not help, will be responsible for me, everything he will deal with." She said that she had lived a life as well as death, shame and guilt day by day, the other side more in the name of love, to violence against themselves. When she chose to leave the perpetrator, the other person also molested her life countless times.

"The thought of you with, lies, violence, betrayal destroyed my life, you still have a family to return, there is an ignorant masses can rely on, and my pain to return to who." Finally, she left a message that "willing to use this life to let the truth come to light."

Through this incident, we have observed that two issues of sexual assault need to be discussed, and why our social support network cannot afford to take on victims of sexual assault?

Photo by Kevin Laminto on Unsplash(non-party)

Sexual taboos give excuses for sexual assault

The woman mentioned that after reading "The First Love Park of The House, " she realized why she had been sexually assaulted but didn't say it, and even continued to interact with the other side, she said because it was too dirty. She quotes a passage from the book: "Society's sense of sexual taboos is too convenient, a girl, the whole world feels that it is her own fault, even she feels that it is her own fault." The guilt will drive her back to him. 」

This passage, read to make people heart-wrenching, but also really reflects the victims of sexual assault difficult to escape the stigma, labeling the situation. What is the taboo of sex? It may start with the dress and appearance of the victim of sexual assault, accusing "your skirt is too short", "Your underwear is out," "You're getting too much makeup," and commenting on the behavior "because your actions are bad" "because you're acting like you're sings him." The taboo of sex is also a shame, so that the victim sits on his own priority, subconsciously and habitually first, thinking it is his own problem.

"The truth will come out of a hundred versions, but the story of the lie is not blood and tears, and now I am tearing my wounds to present to you." 」

Let's also talk about trust.

Throughout the incident, we saw a response from the so-called "atypical victim". It can be seen from the female staff's post that she had been in contact with the perpetrator for some time after she was sexually assaulted. Maybe you'll wonder, why didn't you say it? Why don't you leave the relationship? Inquiries such as these often throw the blame on the victim. And perhaps from another angle, the thing we can think about is - why do so many victims feel that they can't say it with peace of mind? Worried about being reviewed for legitimacy and qualifications?

After the jump, the victim's wife sent a message referring to the female staff member's involvement in her marriage, and at the same time produced a triple-single certificate of reporting the case. We have no reason or no evidence to determine who is right and who is wrong, but we can talk about a phenomenon: the revelation of sexual assault, may be accompanied by a variety of doubts about the victim, it can appear in the judicial system, the mass media, or the victim's friends, family, the closest person.

Professor Wang Xiaodan, of the Law Department of the University of Political Science, wrote in his comments entitled "Lies: The Truth Behind a Sexual Assault Lie":

Misjudgments in sexual assault cases are often influenced by binary opposing narrative modules - victims' tragic breakdowns and desires to embrace/liars feel they are in trouble, victim statements are consistent/liars are broken, victims are independent/liars want attention, perfect victims/play victims, tell the truth/lie - because the opposite is the second choice, as long as not the former, it must lead to the real discovery of the error.

The fact is that before the truth can be trusted, the victim must prove that he is "honest enough" and "innocent enough" and "not lied". Whenever a sexual assault occurs, society first questions the speech and personality of the victim of sexual assault. By the time they reached the other side of the truth, the victims had lost their privacy and were scarred. (Extended Reading:#METOO Interview with Ito: Breaking the Silence of Japanese Sexual Assault, I Bet who Will Believe me)

The existence of the pain is in itself a kind of undertaking

Why do we need to discuss, understand, and even empathise with such experiences?

The woman wrote, "I don't expect anyone to understand, but when this happens to you or your loved ones one day, talk to me about those comments that don't matter, and now, for me, hate is the emotion i need to face with coexistence every day." 」

There are also taboos in society about pain, and when we comfort our victims, we often tell him: "Things are over", "Don't think about it" and "Don't think about it any more", so as to escape and deny the existence of sexual assault. In fact, this is the feeling of the victim of sexual assault, because the pain is huge, the pain still exists, and when we do not want to admit that every feeling and experience is true, the protective net will continue to leak. (Extended Reading:17 Charts Understanding Sexual Assault Survivors: Forgive, Put Down, Heal, You Decide)

Discuss sexual assault, a process that can make bystanders miserable and extremely uncomfortable, and you may be more likely to feel angry about your powerlessness when you read every news. However, so-called support is not necessarily to erase all feelings for the victim, it can be: to acknowledge the victim's pain, to believe his experience, to give the victim enough space to tell the true story.

When you stop listening/every violent story looks similar
How story sounds the same / when you stop listening
- Polish poet Brenna Twohy

Let us stop letting tragedy be the only way to move the discussion of gender issues.