Why do some couples get together longer and have a bigger heart? Those familiar daily, has become the biggest estrangement between each other?
To you who have been with your other half for a long time: try to add a little change to your habit of being used to it, and not let a relationship pass.
With M has come to the eighth year, from the student period to the beginning of society, are the closest to each other. We are familiar with each other's interests and hobbies, but also know each other's taste, is a friend, is a partner, is a family member, but over time, but found that each other gradually lost the "curiosity with each other" heart.
Remember just together, even the other side on the network published waste text are like a number of Jane, across the screen giggling, thinking "the other side is really cute", but do not know from what moment, the other side said, no longer so centristic;
The person who stays around every day suddenly becomes no longer need to know, no longer need to communicate, always feel "together so long, how can I not understand you?" So that the most frequent conversation between us becomes: "That's what you are anyway!"
"You are like that anyway" has two meanings, one is that we know so long, what behavior you will do, how can I not know, and then give up understanding the possibility of each other;
Because of this mentality, let each other only silence. One day I suddenly realized that if we went on like this, maybe one day we would become "the most familiar strangers".
Photo | Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
There was a consensus between me and M that we didn't want to kill the hard-won relationship over time, so we decided to get back into business. The road to reorganization of course, to put on each other's focus and communication skills to get back, need a lot of deliberate, but sometimes, deliberately long will become a habit, but also become more handy.
Love is temporary, relationship is a lifetime. Two people who have been dating for many years, want to find the original intention and patience of each other, I think we can work together towards the following three points:
1. Familiarity is no longer used as an excuse
My parents used to say to me, "Don't I know you yet?"
What I thought to myself was, "Do you really understand me?"
As the years go by, everyone's mind and mind will change, and no communication will only allow each other's perceptions to stay in the past.
Familiarity, like a double-edged blade, makes you understand each other, but it may also make you reluctant to understand each other. It's not until one day that you find that you don't seem to understand your partner or family as well as your self-righteous familiarity and how much you've missed.
Just as I thought M wouldn't like watching a movie, M thought I wouldn't like listening to certain songs, so for many moments we labeled each other without communicating with each other.
If you can ask each other one more, ask the other person to say a little bit of their feelings, there is a chance to go deep into each other's hearts. Start with simple little things, such as watching movies, discussing each other's ideas, making homely meals more than just trivial, cherishing every moment we can communicate with, and not letting familiarity be an excuse for not being close to each other anymore.
(Recommended reading:"I really can't be with people for a long time" seven communication situation drills, ideal relationship to build their own! ）
2. Keep it for a period of time each day
Before, M and I always thought, so long together, do not need to leave special time for each other? Because we're basically staying together except at work and partying with friends. But those moments are not only broken but also have no quality. We were all over the chaimi oil salt, and the topic seemed to be: "What's for dinner today?" , "It's your turn to pour the garbage" and "The eggs don't remember to buy."
Day in and day out, we seem to forget that when we first get together, we always pull each other to try new things, and our notepad in LINE says "to jump walnical together", "to learn to skate together", but we don't know when to drown in the sea of time.
In fact, compared to a long time tired together, we need to have quality together, no foreign affairs, no mobile phones, only each other. M and I agreed that 30 minutes before bedtime was our talk time, and we exchanged what happened today.
That day M said, "I'm tired of working today and I want to leave my job. " At this moment, I learned the pressure of work on him, and his suspicion and uncertainty about himself, which was a normal emotion I could not detect. Through these 30 minutes, we combed each other and had another level of communication.
3. Don't forget your time alone
Don't forget to give yourself time, in addition to keeping time for each other.
Together for a long time, not two people are tied together all the time, in addition to losing the quality of getting along, may also be emotional, demand parasitic in another person. Two people who are highly dependent, like walking a rope, fall when they accidentally lose their balance.
I once said to M, "I hope you don't go out with your friends and stay at home with me!" He can accompany me once, but can he accompany me forever? Seems to be less each other's company, will no longer feel "love"? The longer I get together, the more I lose the ability to love myself and need another person to fill the void in my heart.
Practicing to be alone, even if it's just reading a book, allows me to place myself and restore the energy of my heart. Because even those closest to us cannot bear all our emotions 100 percent. So the longer we spend together, the more time we need to be alone. Love yourself well, it is possible to love others.
People must be alone, in order to get along with themselves, see what kind of person they are, want to achieve what kind of self.
Give your three exercises to be together for a long time:
- No longer use familiarity as an excuse for unwillingness to understand
- Keep it for a while each day
- Don't forget the time you spend alone with yourself
May every couple remember the original intention of falling in love.