Feelings into the burnout period, is a "not enough love" warning? To you who want to run a long-term relationship, try to use the crisis as a turning point, recalibrate the frequency of two people, and create the love and love you want together.
"Love, let each other know." -A Couple Minutes | relationship sync card
What is "love" that has been together for a long time?
People always yearn for a deeply connected relationship with themselves and love each other. Love, love, love warm, with increasing familiarity, toward the smooth flow of fine water.
Unwittingly, the old husband and wife became synonymous with both. Some people feel stable and peaceful, even if the passion is no longer, still deeply affectionate, but some people, can not boil Chaimi oil salt, daily become no longer love reasons.
Why does "being together for a long time" be a test of intimacy?
Psychologist Kernberg suggests that the deep link to a relationship consists of four orientations:
- Attract each other and desire each other
- There is a sense of intimacy, sexual harmony
- Be able to face friction and contradictions positively
- Be loyal to each other
Looking at these four elements, partners who have been together for a long time are most likely to lack the words "attract each other, desire each other" and "have a sense of intimacy and harmonious sexual relations". Day after day, no longer feel the heart of each other, as if the ability to lose love. The man who once made you love each other is now no longer attractive, and the responsibility of connecting with each other seems to be left to nothing.
In fact, feelings become alienated, time is not necessarily the main reason, but that the intention of feelings is gone. Gradually, the two no longer as first seen, cherish each other's feelings, everything has become a matter of course.
Many people will think that feelings into burnout, is a warning message: "Is not enough love?" Or "Are we fit to go?"
Think from another angle, burnout is not necessarily the end of feelings, but is the opportunity to heat up. At this point in time, re-grooming the state of the two people, examine each other's expectations of the relationship, if the two people still hold the feelings of "unwilling to let go easily" adhere to, and even through this opportunity to build consensus, towards a longer-term path of intimacy.
If you don't want to be left to kill between the two, provide you with five Tips to heat up your relationship.
5 Tips to Heat Up Your Feelings:
I. Say I love you without being mean
Mingming tied the two together is love, but because together for a long time, forget how to express love. Try to say I love you to your other half! Very old-fashioned, but very useful a way, with language to pass the feelings to the other side, so that the other side feel valued, needed.
If you can't say it, it doesn't matter, everyone expresses their feelings differently, and you can choose to express yourself in a way that makes you feel comfortable, perhaps by leaving a "love note" or "giving each other a big hug." Whether it's saying "I love you" or other actions, don't be stingy about expressing your feelings.
Second, stare into each other's eyes when you speak
"The eye is the window to the soul."
In 2010, the Museum of Modern Art in New York held an exhibition called Artists Present. There were two chairs on the scene, one of which was by the artist Marina. Marina Abramovich, the other, sat with any of the show's participants. Each time, Marina stared intently at the visitors.
The main thrust of the show is: "To be able to be truly present, here and now." Many viewers shed tears to express that for the first time they felt so cherished, understood, appreciated, noticed, and truly felt their lives.
The power of eye gaze is so powerful. The next time you talk to your other half, you will no longer be influenced by other foreign affairs, and you will no longer respond to each other with a simple "hmm, ah, oh" response, paying attention to the moment when you are with your partner, because of your intentions or not, the other person feels it.
(Same show:"Why do I always get nothing?" Stop the endless pursuit and enjoy the beauty of the present )
Third, for life to create small fun
"Once again, make love cute" -A Couple Minutes | relationship sync card
Life is trivial, ordinary, and occasionally we feel a lack of sparks and heat, but we can actively change and create temperature. You don't need to be extravagant to call a surprise, you can buy a favorite drink for each other after work, you can plan a date with only two people, and you can add fun to your relationship through the game.
Like you can play together "relationship sync card",the use of card questions, say each other's real feelings, small to recently why low tide? The last proud moment? As big as two people in the future planning is consistent, the shadow of the original family, etc. , through the game to understand how each other is how to view feelings, thinking about the relationship, so that this moment, the frequency of the two people synchronized, to find the desired "love and be loved", continue the heart- and kinetic.
Four, the same time to go to bed to sleep
Remember when they were together, they always cherished the time when they could sleep together? Did it feel like excitement and joy at that time? In the moment before bedtime, with the person you love to talk and laugh, you can feel extremely happy. Even if tired and bitter, are they gone?
In intimate relationships, proper touching increases oxytocin production, which not only soothes emotions, but also makes each other feel more secure. If you can, schedule at least one or two days a week to fall asleep together. Even if not in the same space does not matter, through the phone, messages, a gentle good night to each other, in addition to increasing the sense of security between the two people, but also let each other feel synchronized, we are together at this moment.
Photo|photo by Erick Palacio on Unsplash
Share the joys and sorrows of the day
When you first got together, was your partner always the first person you wanted to share your joys and sorrows with? From when to start, see two words, it is better to play mobile phone?
In fact, many couples have been together for a long time and think they are already familiar with each other rather than sharing details of their lives, so they are becoming the most familiar strangers.
Don't let familiarity be an excuse, and don't feel that insignificant little things are not worth opening up, these little things are the basis of the long years that support the two. So remember to spend a little time each day sharing your status with your partner.
So, what is a long-standing love? Not just together the roar, nor to find someone to barely live, but you know there is a person has been, he is your life partner, willing to accompany you to see the sunrise to see the sea, through the road of human growth. And this love is not taken for granted, need two people to love each other hard.