Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates and his wife Melinda Gates announced the end of their 27-year marriage, and after their divorce, they began their lives in a new capacity.
If we can work together again, what can we do? Spread out the Relationship Sync Card as an aid, instead of asking questions that are difficult to ask.
Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates and his wife Melinda Gates announced the end of their 27-year marriage in a joint statement on Twitter on May 3, 2021.
Although it is an "official" statement, the manuscript is still warm and has a final note on a long marriage. It says:
"After a long time of reflection and a lot of joint efforts, we decided to end our marriage. Over the past 27 years, we've raised three wonderful children together, and together we've created a foundation to improve health and quality of life for all, and we're going to continue to live with that belief and continue to work for the foundation.
However, we no longer believe that we can grow together as husband and wife in later stages of life. Hope to give us privacy and space, so that we can restart a new life. 」
After the divorce, become a new person.
Put down the marriage vow that "from this day on, every day of my life is faithful to you, good, bad until death separates us", divorce, from today on, we will pick up that part of the relationship, pick up the pieces that contain you, but not to stab us, we can carry each other's marks, continue their days.
Twilight Divorce: It's time for us to move on!
As soon as the news of the divorce of the two people came out, it caused a lot of discussion, some people said that "if they do not give up faith, there will be no divorce this matter", others said that "peaceful break-up, their wonderful, not taste bad", "to the late twilight age, no longer brave to do their own, afraid can only regret life." Among the many messages, I see more relief than regret.
Marriage has its difficulties, lies in the endless love in life, lies in the balance between life and career conflict, lies in the collision of values, lies in clearly has worked so hard, but still lost the ability to love you.
In a 2019 interview with The Sunday Times, Bill Gates' ex-wife, Melinda, said, "We both had moments when we could laugh at anything, but some days it wasn't easy, and I couldn't help but wonder, "Can I really do it?" Marriage is hard, lies in the unknown, if the country, the establishment of a business, Qi family which is the most difficult, perhaps, family relations will be the vast majority of people Achilles tendon, even Bill Gates is no exception.
Many argue, as Melinda has said many times in interviews, that the biggest problem between the two is that Bill Gates has always struggled to balance work and family life, paying too much attention to his own costs, and being relatively difficult to respond to other people's expectations, yet it is inevitable that the relationship will be filled with expectations for each other to be completed.
Marilyn Chinitz, a partner at Blank Rome LLP WHO has long been no stranger to complex divorce proceedings, laments that marriages that divorce between 25 and 35 years after marriage are called "grey divorces", just like each other's hair color.
"Sometimes you understand that the people you love change, and sometimes people become less in love, and obviously they do," he said. Even if they're rich, in marriage and relationships, they're the same as normal people, they look at each other and say, 'It's time, it's time for us to move on', and money can't change that. 」
(Extended reading:Marriage Story: Sometimes things aren't as simple as not loving)
It is the belief of marriage that does not give up, it is the character of adults to gather and scatter
Change is inevitable in relationships, which is one of the reasons marriage fairy tales are broken. When we realize that we don't necessarily "love each other as we did", we don't always "get together" and we can't "be free from each other" in complex role tasks. Divorce in the twilight years, lies in walking here, recognizing that the relationship is difficult, dragging each other, it is better to let you go away.
Liu Xuan, a well-known psychologist and writer, heard the news of their divorce and mentioned on his personal Facebook that the pair, the golden girls of the rich world, continue to solve many of the world's biggest and most difficult problems, but can not solve the difficulties of marriage. It's a very humbling thing, but it's also incredibly real.
"Most of the time, the reason for their divorce is not because one of them is having an affair or something stronger, but because they feel 'unable to grow up with each other' and start thinking, 'Do you want to continue with the next 30 years as we are?'" 』」
- Liu Xuan
Time head has each other's reflection, accompanied by the way as usual, if not change, that is to stop, trip each other.
Marriage is expensive in good, good in the joint, perhaps do not have to reluctantly bet on a lifetime, only to become a full "hands of the deacon, and son old" dream, sometimes let go is also a relationship continuation, when we can not be a partner, we are still life partners, do not bother to love each other for many years, each other's fetters.
There are many kinds of relationships, as fire extinguisher lead singer Yang Da is divorcing Zheng Yinon said:
"For nine years we loved each other dearly, and this love will not disappear in the future, but no longer in the name of love, I will never forget my wedding vows "always defend Zheng Yinon to do their rights", or when she will be the most powerful backing in life, but also proud of our calmness and courage. The future will continue to exist in each other's lives in the role of 'facing important partners in life together'. 」
Perhaps a peaceful break-up is the most mature decision an adult can make in the face of a relationship that cannot move forward.
(Same scene: Zheng Yinon x Yang Dazheng x Shandong: love is history, love is free after)
If we can work together again, what can we do?
Two people together for many years, there must be some difficulties, a moment and a half difficult to understand. Sometimes the problem is in Chaimi oil salt, in the work of slowness, in the frequency of speech, in the expectation of failure, in the role division of labor, such as you are still working on the relationship, read this article, invite you to put down your cell phone, leave time for your partner, try to ask these three questions:
1. What can I do for you now, which will be very helpful to you at present?
Marriage is a double dance, swinging between, stepping on the right dance steps. Sometimes you into my retreat, sometimes I enter you retreat, sometimes put warm dance music, comfortable with you, sometimes is a hurry melody, pull you, spin and jump, and then work a little bit, keep up with the rhythm of the moment, tired, I would also like to stop, with you rest.
Rest, but do not forget to communicate the message, dance every day, do not forget today's events today, if there is a gap, must sit down and look at each other's eyes, tell each other: "I care about today's matter." Please remember that the days are not "live, live, just live", parallel days, is "live, live, scattered."
When you encounter a problem, please remember to share, please remember to bear. If we are all looking forward to tomorrow together, then please invite your other half to face up to today's problems.
2. Try to describe our current relationship in one sentence.
If necessary, find the right tools and methods. "Modern Love" in the "my marriage is a tennis game" remake into a short album, the opening, the twilight couple sitting in front of the marriage counselor, cold-eyed relative, can not find a common language.
After week after week of marriage counseling, and one game of exclusive rules tennis, I began to see the nature of marriage hitting the rocks, "I found that we become more concerned with pay, calculating who does more for marriage and family, who behaves selfishly, uncaringly, and always disapproving." We don't quarrel very often, but when we quarrel, we get angry. 'After a crazy argument, our family is somehow still intact, ' said his wife.
In an argument, put the emotions down, so we communicate, or, before the quarrel, we have a "good time together", put each other in the most important position, give up a little space to talk about how we should talk about a disagreement.
Spread out the Relationship Sync Card as an aid, instead of asking questions that are difficult to ask. as:
- "Is it easy for you to ask for a sum or apologize?" Why? 」
- "Did you become more like yourself after we were together?" 」
- "Is there anything I've done that makes you feel loved and supported?" 」
- "Usually you or me, will be more insistent on their choice?" 」
- "What do you think is our biggest common point or consensus at the moment?" 」
- "What can we do together now that will make you feel very in love?" 」
Communication sometimes relies on advice, sometimes on tools, it's not the weak, it doesn't mean we fail, it's that we can all be braver and do more for each other.
3. Do we now have a coherent idea for future planning?
The purpose of communication is not to quarrel, but to put down emotions and see the nature of things. The essence is important because we all want to be silky and peeled, know how to embrace each other's vulnerability, soothe their own uneasiness, and then, within the limits of what we can all accept, give a corresponding sense of stability.
Long-term relationship management lies in the consensus of the future. Consensus is not "I will always love you", because after all, love has many premises, the premise is that we respect each other, we depend on each other, we have a balanced relationship, we support.
To all of you who are still in marriage and relationships and try to love each other. We love each other for long because we work hard enough.
At the same time, to all about you who, after trying, choose to put down your stumbling blocks. We chose to separate because we were brave enough.