Women are obsessed with Mother's Day writing plans - "Mother-Daughter Night Talk", talking about their own thoughtful words, or with the mother's home-cooked dialogue, those relationships between the pull and contradiction, through the text, to a gentle revolution.
Revolution is not necessarily destruction, it may be reconstruction. All along, I hope my mother can chase herself and find what she likes to do, except for her family. But why not project her with my own life experience, do I really understand the version she wants to be?
My mother, always running back and forth between two families, her world is composed of husband, children, family, a pair of slim hands, running the housework. I once asked her what her dream was, and she returned to me without thinking, "You are all healthy and happy. "
"Mom, what do I say about you?" Where's your own? Her eyebrows were deeply locked to my question.
I remember my mother occasionally showing us pictures of her youth, and we laughed, "Wow! Mom, you're dressed up in fashion! began to talk about all the things she had when she was young.
Speaking of teenagers, the mother's mouth with a smile, I often chased her, want her to say more. At that time, I saw my mother, not only her mother, but also herself. I think that she was folded up the good little, and the photo is hidden in the small box, what was her dream at that time?
Several times my mother and I said we could do something I liked, and now the children are big and don't need her to worry about it all the time. The corners of her eyes fell unconsciously on her father.
I found something that she always needed her father's consent. I argue with her, no, you can do it yourself, I will support you. Mother smiled and kept silent.
Then I started my own family, and the family relationship really started to take shape of my life, but I still made time to practice yoga, read and write. At this moment, I always think of my mother and think about what she would like to do.
Get to know your mother from the new and from the heart
I was afraid that I would begin to grow the shadow of my mother, and gradually lose myself as the months passed. So I always use extreme ways, this emotion, vented on the mother, I blame her dare not resist, I complain that she is willing to do so.
It wasn't until I began to comb through my emotions that I realized that those "blames" were my own projection.
I hope my mother to do "self", why not I use their own point of view to interpret? Will "Free Her Be Happier" be just my fantasy mother, or my ideal self? I never really understood her, and I always loved her and guided her in my way.
I hope to have the opportunity to know what my mother really thinks and find out the difference between us. But ordinary us, not good at and each other to admit ideas, perhaps can be more relaxed way to get to know each other, so spread out the "relationship synchronization card" in the head of the question, and mother to come close to the soul of the torture.
Mom, are we very much alike, or are we very different?
I asked my mother, "Mom, what can we tell if we're really like, or very different?"
Mother some twists, but I am amusing her just playing a game together, do not have to be too rigid. Mother thought about it, and when it came to me and my husband, she felt that the way we dealt with our partner was very different from hers.
"Like, you're going back to your mother's house, you and M holidays are going out with friends, and I think it's weird."
"I think you and Dad are very strange, why stick together, everything to do together?" I asked.
She felt more secure when the couple stayed together.
I asked further, only to learn that the young woman had a history of betrayal. Twenty-somethings, she, looking forward to a single person, did not expect the other side to cheat her property, even outside someone else, but also let her carry a huge debt, let her alone to bear. Speaking of this matter, the mother's eyes burst into tears, these experiences, like ghostly haunting her, until she met her father, she did not know what it means to be sincere.
I think the family is a shackle for the mother, not because the father is to give her a complete sense of security, accompanied by her through emotional trauma, sharing the family. Perhaps, has always been my mistaken mother's haven?
Mom, what do you think is most necessary to run a relationship?
Curiously, I went on to ask, "Mommy, what do you think is the most necessary thing to run a relationship?"
Mother has not answered, I first said my version: "I think partners, each other do not have to spend a long time together, do not get tired of each other every day, but to find a time each other can focus on good time to get along, and most importantly, two people still have their own time alone."
"I feel like I'm with each other, and I'm not going to say, like I did with your dad."
"Well, why do moms always ask Dad for advice?"
"I hope we can make decisions together, respect each other, he's good to me, and I want to be nice to him." Although my mother is not good at expressing her feelings, but in tone, I see her ideas about relationship management, even if there is a generational gap, differences of opinion, but that is the real feeling of her life course.
Everyone has their own version of comfort
In the process of mutual inquiry, I see not only the mother, but a wounded woman, emotional need to rely on, and there is a person to give her a gentle response, so she is willing to join him in the family, long years, mutual support, each other.
I always do not want my mother and sacrifice to be equated, to find herself, to become herself, no longer be bound by the family, but I do not expect that, is my own life to interpret her.
Through dialogue, I see her real experience, her wounds, her feelings with her father, how can I look at her only with "sacrifice"? There are her choices, her thoughts, her hopes.
There are many kinds of relationships, and there are different ways to depend on each other. How can the "free mother" in my heart not be a kind of self-righteousness? After this dialogue, I decided to let this imaginary mother leave, the interpretation of the family, life, the dream to her, so that she becomes a comfortable version of herself.