Women are obsessed with Mother's Day writing plans - "Mother and daughter night talk", talk about their own thoughtful whispers, or with the mother's homely dialogue, those relationships between the pull and contradiction, through the text, to a gentle revolution.
Revolution is not necessarily destruction, it may be reconstruction, at the point of "freedom", you learn to let go, and I learn to bear, you put down the role of mother, I take on my own life.
Think of the other day, I did not finish the lunch box, on the table cool, you asked me: "Why did not finish lunch?" I buried myself in the computer, nothing to reason, said menstruation, can not eat. You didn't say much, silently put the lunch box prepared for me into the kitchen, is poured out, or you eat, I don't really know.
When you came home last night, you said, "Have you had dinner?" I have a big bone stew. I nodded, into the kitchen filled with bowls of soup, take chopsticks, you asked me today prepared when delicious, I said delicious ah, of course delicious, only to see you show a satisfied smile, as if nothing else is important, delicious.
Grow up looking back, only feel the relationship with the mother, seems to be built on the table, between the chopsticks, there is a familiar taste, there is a long love, there is no need to say, the children eat enough on the good expectations. All the values of the struggle, at the table are silent, the moment before the saying "I don't want to take care of you", this moment became "eat, eat more." I think if the husband and wife are bedside quarrel, bed end and, parent-child relationship is the table quarrel, the table and.
Taipei's children have not left home, and the mother's relationship seems to be similar, nearly every day to meet, every day there are a few words of chat, far for the free space pinch, still pull back and forth stage. Remember when you said to me, "Am I not free enough for you?" The next moment, thinking wrong ah, no, freedom I should have, do not need you to give me, but why you I always sandwiched in this power relationship, let the road of independence, touch, no rules, even easy to get hurt.
I think at the point of "freedom", I don't blame anyone, I don't blame you, but being a mother and daughter is like a track, we are a two-track parallel train, the daily rugged forward. The road of independence, always over the mountains, you learn to let go, and I learn to bear, you put down the role of mother, I take on their own life.
Letting each other free is a necessary learning to be intimate
From small mother strict control, small to food and living, living norms; So freedom and independence, has always been the blind spot of the relationship, after all, breaking the rules, as well as from a young inertia, all need courage.
When graduating from college, in order to go to Okinawa with partner L, to take a graduation trip for two people, wrote a long family book, always come down to a sentence, hope that from then on, we can get along more equally, whether we can give each other freedom, return to each other's hands.
Mother received the letter, silent for a few days, came a long LINE message, inside said: "Daughter, thank you for your respect and understanding, as a mother no matter how standardized to you, is always love." You listen to your mother's words, although feel aggrieved helpless will not say bad things to her mother, in fact, mother all know that now that you have grown up, I should let you fly alone, let you learn self-protection, self-growth, you have exceeded my expectations of you. 」
Many people liken parent-child relationship to a war, but as far as I am concerned, parent-child relationship should be based on long communication, after all, deep words, to speak slowly.
When we grow older, anxious to take back the dominant power, but also have to think, in the mother, the child from their own body, gradually develop the mind, have the mind, their own independence, that sense of loss also have to learn through time, in order to gradually open up, give themselves time, but also give the mother time, give each other freedom, will be a long journey in life.
The essence of life is their own independence, you and I all understand this, but the relationship contains hugging each other uneasy, you look forward to me to absorb these needs, and I look forward to different from you, back and forth, there are always some difficult to be taken on each other parts, and these parts, but often hidden in the daily Chaimi oil salt, think do not ask not to say, on the peace of mind.
In recent conversations, I have found that you are actually afraid of communication, perhaps not the communication itself is frightening, but rather the eagerness to explain something to me, which is alienating.
I think that is not my intention, the process of freedom, is like opening up the port, always have to dig out a little something, build a little something, in order to let the ship sail away, this opening up the process is really hard, but only in this way, we can together to open up each other's port, can travel, can also stay.
Freedom is like this, we let each other go away, but if necessary, can also stay for each other.
Dear mother, please do not be afraid, next, I would like to use two questions, to respond to our good, those contradictions, those usually dare not say more things.
Is there a time when you feel particularly attenied to each other?
Children living in Taipei, never really left home, there has been a long time, I feel bound.
Every day at about five o'clock, you get a message asking, "Will you go home for dinner today?" I know you cook dinner every day, even if we don't go home, and dad is there, but every day when we ask, it's often stressful, and the other day we talked about it and you said, "I'm just asking, there's no pressure, I just want to know how many dinners to have tonight." 」
I understand this, but three times back to you: "No, I have enough today to go home." It also makes me feel anxious, like refusing your offer again every day. So I began to regulate myself, seven days a week, at least three days to go home, then, I just refuse you four times, four times, still in the range I can bear.
Dear mother, I think I haven't escaped the shadow of restraint, for refusing you or asking for your opinion, there are some timid, but I think it is no problem, I am still learning, used to you really just ask, get used to you start a new life, get used to your twice-weekly cooking classroom, get used to you playing mahjong, get used to you and your father for the older generation worry.
Not so much accommodation, but rather worry, in the face of living in the same roof, can not reach each other's expectations, for each other's troubles sometimes powerless, that at the moment I can not do much mood, is very depressed. But, Mom, I think it's all about me, about you, it's a separation exercise, and we're starting to support our lives, not just relying on each other.
I look forward to you can think a little more for yourself, just as when you were young, take your own SLR, get on the train, send myself a trip, but also look forward to I can a little more shoulders, in the freedom at the same time, learn how to divide worries, how to learn on the basis of independence, learn to bear the burden, learn to bear.
Last time, when did you realize that you're growing or getting old?
Growth is often an instant. A few days ago, grandma in hospital, you run back and forth to the hospital for several days, several times in front of my eyes tears.
I think for the children, the moment of growing up, there is no more than to see their parents also have a fragile moment, see your tears, I understand a lot, understand that you become a mother before, in fact, is a daughter.
Seeing the pain, seeing death, often forcing us to grow up quickly, and you are getting old. Grow old unharmed, as long as you are happy, but this, let me most feel, is you consistent, still every day Zhang Luo children's meals, take care of the family, give indefinite care, embrace life helpless.
Impressed that day, I woke up because of abdominal pain, walked into your room to wake you up, you quickly put on a coat, dust and dust to ride me into the hospital, emergency room, I hung a drop and painkillers, lying in the hospital bed, see you lying on the bed bar that, but also help me to cover the quilt, that moment, feel unfilial, run outside, also failed to take good care of themselves. The feeling of the body is so low, so that the body back to me, I pain, I think you also pain. But you still take care of me as you do your 5-year-old daughter.
Dear mother, we are talking about letting go and taking on, but always feel that the person who let go is yours, the person who bears is you, in the future life, I would like you to pick up yourself, I would like to cheer for every thing you love, because, than as who who who's mother, you should love their name more.
My dearest you, remember the tattoo you accidentally found on me more than two years ago?
I said, graduation year, I stabbed the coordinates of home, on behalf of graduation, I will have my own life, I will go a long way, go where I want to go, but no matter how far I go, home is still on my back, that is my own graduation gift, but also for you, that moment, you have graduated from the post of mother.
So, next, let's fly together, tired, can also go home together.