Women are obsessed with Mother's Day writing plans - "Mother-Daughter Night Talk", talking about their own thoughtful words, or with the mother's home-cooked dialogue, those relationships between the pull and contradiction, through the text, to a gentle revolution.
Revolution is not necessarily destruction, it may also be reconstruction, familiarity and strangeness, the separation of the front line, children away from home, the beginning of new days, after less communication, how we pick up the past intimate, give each other the necessary sense of security, is a long practice in mother-daughter relations.
Mother's Day is coming, I want to give my mother a present.
But as I left home and worked outside for many years, my physical distance from my mother became more and more distant, and my heart went farther and farther. I don't know what she's thinking, and I think so is Mom.
The trouble of giving gifts reflects a bad acquaintance with her mother
Since May I have been troubled for a long time, so in the days before Mother's Day, I went back home, trying to find out from the home traces, to find out a little mother's heart, so that I can send a gift she would really like, slightly make up for our estranged relationship in recent years.
Back home, the two of us sat in the living room, see no words, I held the apple in my hand, by my chew slow swallow, as if to become delicious, eat for a long time can not finish, too busy to talk.
My mother stared at the TV, and I was busy concentrating on eating apples, my mouth full, and my mind was blank - I couldn't really find a topic to talk to my mother.
Just as I was about to be frozen to the point where the cold air of the scene was not working, I remembered the box of "Relationship Sync Card" in my bag, and I took it out and wondered if I could save the stiff atmosphere of the scene, or the apple would have been gnawed by me to the left core. So I went into the room and flipped the box of cards out of my bag.
Photo|photo by Simon Rae on Unsplash
(Extended reading: Baby's in-baby memory: Dear child, thank you for choosing me to be your mother)
There are 99 small cards, each with an instruction, but also a sub-difficulty and type, the theme card I want to use this time is "Cozy Trip: Fighting the Cold War, with this ice-breaking warm-up."
I correspond to the instructions on the subject card, one by one to find out the recommended cards for this game, and in accordance with the order of questions and answers. However, I found in the process of looking for cards, in fact, there are some cards that have not been selected, but also I want to ask my mother's questions. So I put a few personal questions into the prepared pile of cards
Ritual sense, let the relationship begin to synchronize
I returned to the living room with 11 cards, a small stack, carrying my big wish. I solemnly arranged the cards one by one on the table in order;
After putting on the card I explained to my mother, I brought a table game back, want to buy to a friend, asked if she can play with me to watch is not fun (yes, I even want to make a heart with my mother, have to use "play a game with me" proud reason to dare). After several requests, my mother was finally willing to turn off her TV, sitting on my side, put her eyes on that small white card, as if thinking about those white bottoms above the pattern led by red lines.
I explain the rules, it seems that the rules are simple enough for my mother to understand and willing to play with me. So I used my fingertips to point the first card, took out the strength of the national poetry recital competition did not get the name, out of the above topic:
"Please intuitively state the strengths of three (or more) each other." - Relationship Sync Cards
Fearing my mother's remorse, I quickly spoke out in a pleasant tone about what I really thought was my mother's strengths, and I praised her for her "strong" efforts to raise three children, her "administrative ability" which was valued by friends in the community, and the "goodness" that would help the vulnerable.
I answered quickly, and it was my mother's turn to answer for a long time (I think she probably thought about my shortcomings first), she said two of my strengths, and the third she thought for a while before coming up with the word "good".
I smiled and said, "Our third strength is the same, so my kindness is inherited from you?" My mother said nothing, but her face blushed slightly.
Photo|photo by Dakota Corbin on Unsplash
(Extended reading:We're all women before we want to be moms: the right temperature for moms)
To present the true picture safely is the beginning of relationship repair
The fourth topic: "Try to describe our current relationship in one sentence. " - Relationship Sync Card
It's a little hard, I thought. My mother frowned and made a little musing, and it seemed that she felt the same difficulty on the subject.
But with the warm-up of the previous questions more simple questions, in the face of this deeper topic, she also naturally with the card lead, thinking carefully about our relationship.
Half a minute later, I patted my thigh and said, "I think the two of us are like loving and killing each other, clearly care about each other, but often make each other angry." Mother listened, then showed a little naughty smile, gave her answer: "We are strange cohabitants!"
Mother's eyes, finally not just staring at the card on the table, our mother and daughter's eyes, finally began to have intersection.
"It's a good description!" I laughed, laughed at her creative answer, and laughed at the way she finally looked at me.
Although this answer is not the answer that a well-related mother and daughter will have, but this is what we really look like, and this look is presented, told, shown, we can slowly shape, shape each other can feel comfortable interaction.
The seventh question: "Today I, have you succeeded in conveying love to you?" - Relationship Sync Card
As a card advanced, our conversation became more and more heated.
For the seventh question, I half-pettingly said what I had done, and conveyed love to you, but you did not convey love to me. Mother heard the immediate retort, the reaction was so great that it frightened me. She said, "I'll cut the fruit for you as soon as you come back, and buy your favorite apples." Then she explained where the apples were bought and how expensive they were, what she bought for dinner, what she was going to cook, what to cook, and so on.
I listened not to the name of the dish, but my mother tried to express her love for me.
(Extended reading: Confessions to Mom: Dear Mom, you can't be strong)
Years of heart knots, not resolved, but become a little softer
The red lines on the little cards are connected like telephone lines, connecting me to my mother's communication lines, a problem connected to a problem, it is natural that we have been going on.
At the last question, I took a deep breath and uttered the words above aloud:
"What are the goals you've recently wanted to unlock successfully together?" - Relationship Sync Card
I immediately replied, "I want to challenge the upside down." But my mother then said, "No, it's asking 'together', it's not asking 'what you' are going to do, it's asking 'we' what we want to do together. '
At that moment, I really feel that my mother is seriously reading the question, she is really engaged in the "heart with her daughter" process, although packaged like a game;
Photo | Photo by Randy Rooibaatjie on Unsplash
(Extended reading: Don't write "Diary of a World-Weary Mommy": Three Things to Know Again About Mom's Role)
I had a sore nose and asked my mother, "What do you want to do with me?"
Mother thought about it, and whispered shyly, "I want to take you and my family to camp. "
The red lines on the cards, stringing one problem after another, from the mother's side, all the way around the winding wire to my side, will be our years of blank, to string up.
Originally said will be knotted praise, carelessly said will be said to be reproachful concern, in the "relationship synchronization card" a card, a question and answer under the sense of ceremony, smoothly expressed the value of each other's hearts.
Good mom, on Mother's Day this year, we're going camping.