No matter what method you choose to use to maintain your social energy during the outbreak, let's take the initiative together and build the network of people you feel most comfortable with.
Say to a friend, "I'm looking forward to the day when I can have a meal face to face." 」
It has been three weeks in a row, because of the outbreak, almost enough to stay at home. From work and meals to daily leisure, you can only rely on the "home" space to complete. This time, inevitably accumulated a little depression, a few weeks down, if the family each other busy, do not talk is a common thing.
So confiding in this ritual, which is important in relationships, seems to have been forgotten in the past few weeks in a way that we find hard to find.
A few days ago, women fans asked, "No social life (or dating) is the biggest problem for you?" Inviting readers to leave messages, we found that people who were anxious about not having a social life mostly mentioned the words "get bored", "too boring" and "want to talk face to face", like saying:
- After a long time of isolation at home, will you lose the ability to speak?
- Very troubled, want to have contact with real people, want to talk face to face, want to walk. Stay at home all day to do those things, very boring, almost stuffy!
- Husband in Taipei temporarily do not go home, friends did not see, outside did not play, to park children can not help, face to face in the house all day, feel breathing difficulties!
- It's good to get along with yourself, but it's okay.
- Too long did not speak, will say goodbye to the sender across the door!
Of course, in addition to the readers who speak out about "disturbing", we also observe that a significant number of readers feel comfortable with "no social life", for several main reasons:
- Without trouble, have more time to talk to yourself alone, do what you want to do, and live more comfortably than if there were no outbreaks.
- No trouble. It's a social insulator. ㄧ person is comfortable and doesn't have to be angry.
- Some of the social life is just small talk right and wrong, people between people are some interests of the community, rather than do what they want to do to enrich themselves.
It is reasonable to assume that many readers, like me, are genuine "introverts". Introverts often need to be alone to charge themselves, introverts often don't choose to confront others head-on, they prefer depth and meditation, which can sometimes be very suffocating in "extrovert-oriented" social networks because you will look "slow," "unentactive" and "indisputable."
This is why short-term social barriers are not happy for introverts.
Photo|Photo by Aki Tolentino on Unsplash
However, having said that, sometimes absolute loneliness has its blind spot, only oneself knows their own thing best, has its limitations, proper self-understanding, depends on the feedback after two-way interaction between introverted and outward, the internal understanding of the self, and external understanding of their own combined, in order to feel satisfied.
"It's hard to fully understand yourself with a completely lonely self. Liu Jin, a famous Chinese thinker
Therefore, during this period of the outbreak, it is normal for you to enjoy being alone, or to be eager to rely on others, when you feel lonely because of interpersonal alienation, or because you want to say no one to listen to, lack the activation of group activities, then you can use this as a new opportunity to clarify your needs for sedition and socializing, to find the group that makes you feel most comfortable, and to embark on your journey.
(Extended reading: Are you afraid of being alone?) 3 home prevention advice for single-family residents: Focus on what you want to do
Do introverts really need to socialize? No, you just need to have quality socializing
Whether it's an "introvert" or an "extrovert," it's important to have your network well integrated during this social blockade.
According to a U.S. study, social distance limits people's ability to interact with friends during an epidemic, and most study subjects believe that their friendships change dramatically as a result of the pandemic -- including perceptions of the quality of friendships and how people feel about "friends."
It did happen, for example, in the first two weeks of home vaccination, I had little communication with anyone but my partner L (not even lazy at work), and within a few weeks I found something was wrong and felt like I had a lot of stuff in my heart and couldn't vent. So I said to L, "I find it boring that I haven't talked to anyone but you欸." Of course, during this period still often play the game L, and will not feel this way, he only returned "yes." I went on watching his Japanese play with disdidraughtness.
There is a fixed pattern when partners get along, your gossip is often filled with details of each other's lives, as small as what you eat tonight, as big as today's investment profits, although it may seem all talk, but in fact most of the time into rambling. Even if you think there's something you want to say, it's always stuck in: "Ah, it's been told, as if it hadn't to be repeated; Often at times like these, the role of a third party is especially important, and you can get out of your partner's identity and take your life over again.
Psychologist and friendship expert Dr Marisa Franco notes that connecting with each other is an important part of physical and mental health, "we often see 'romantic relationships' as the main form of connection, but it's important that friends feel 'who we are' and 'who we are', and if you turn to only one person, you'll only experience your side." To be a complete person, you need a community to show all sides of who you are. 」
Photo|Photo by Aliaksei on Unsplash
3 ways to find the right relationship for you
During an outbreak, whether you're anxious about a long social disconnect or feeling comfortable with yourself, you'll probably not be able to spend a lot of time with yourself, but as soon as you're isolated, you'll have a better chance of understanding where your interpersonal threshold is.
"Introverts" such as me, even though they are usually resistant and energy-hungry to "Small Talk" on social occasions, require regular in-depth communication to maintain energy, such as long conversations with 1 to 2 close friends, or regular sharing of recent situations.
When you realize your "needs", then there is how to act. Rekindling friendships can stir up a warm but strange sense of freshness during periods of social distance, but before we go into action, I think the most important thing is to think: Is our recent alienation from our friends all due to distance and inability to meet, or is it caused by other factors?
If a friendship is always exhausting and brings little joy, then perhaps it's time to reflect on "what keeps you in this relationship."
This matter needs to be carried out with caution, because friendship, for better or worse, is a voluntary relationship that requires the consent of both parties to continue. Of course, in this thinking, you must also be clear: it is difficult to end a friendship, especially one with a rich, common history that you will lose a lot of time, and that once you go down this path, it is usually gone forever. Therefore, all thinking, all need to be full of reason and sensuality.
Photo|Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash
As you try to rebuild, or rebuild, your relationships while you're at home, try the following three steps step by step.
1. Know yourself and design communication methods
First, you have to understand your social tendencies, and if you prefer to get energy from the outward-looking world, love to get along with people, communicate freely, and interact widely, you are likely to have "extrovert" traits, and if you prefer to get energy from the introverted world, like to be alone, have friends to refine, love precipitation and thinking, then you are likely to have "introverted" traits.
The two personality traits require different contexts, and you can try to recall the social forms that made you feel comfortable in the past, such as:
- A separate party of two people from the lively Party V.S
- Get together for a drink and chat V.S. A small group gathering at a coffee shop
- Big group table games with V.S. and a drink with a close friend
Different forms of partying, their participation in the group image is also different, some people like to be lively, and some people like quiet, from the past interpersonal process, to distinguish which friends are most suitable for your current stage of interpersonal needs, open the right communication activities with each other, but also help you to restore energy through interpersonal connections.
2. List the minimum feasibility plan
Once you know your needs, move on to the pre-execution phase.
There are times to think, you can hardly know what you can do, or what things are sure, at this time suggest that you can set their own "minimum feasibility plan / plan", after all, sometimes the tall plan will be reduced to a "year plan" together, at the beginning of the year eager to feel that they can certainly make a change, to the middle of the year, only to find that a lot of things are repeatedly dragged, stuck in human inertia, in the priority position is constantly pulled down the standard.
The least feasible plan, as the name implies, is to start trying at this point without paying too much.
The butterfly effect is so, from a little change, to create some kinetic energy and opportunities for themselves. And from getting some nourishment from you, only then can the interest can continue to stick to.
Next, we can try the methods learned in the Women's Time Management Course to make a minimum feasibility plan for "avoiding interpersonal alienation during the outbreak", so that we can inject new ideas into our lives and find friendships and business ceremonies that are worth doing with or without the outbreak.
First of all, in terms of "day" or "week", without looking too far, our aim is to let ourselves know: these things can now be done, and do not have to pay too much cost, why not try?
Again, write a few more, self-brainer, try to think more openly, what I have done and what is worth trying? After sorting it out, write down three and you'll find the best way to be right at the moment and what's most exciting to you.
Photo | Women's Time Management Course
3. Give yourself at least 3 comfortable social actions
Once you've identified your needs and outlined your options, you can try one of the three MVPs to "try online activities with low entry barriers" and recommend the following three methods that I've tried to use as a reference for maintaining a circle of close friends and improving interpersonal communication during an outbreak.
- Voice chat room (2 people)
When you realize that "getting along with yourself" has reached a critical point, try to reach out for help.
Take myself as an example, as a typical introvert, in the past in interpersonal relations management, has been in a relatively passive role, when the world maintains normal operation, from time to time there will be three or five friends sent invitations, I want to do is to try to tell myself, when the invitation comes, generous acceptance, feel the warmth of the interpersonal, from which to release what, also give something.
However, when the entity's social life is suspended, a person is alone for a long time, there is always a need to hug each other with trusted people, at this time, remember your mobile phone address book, those star-labeled close friends, perhaps they are also waiting for you a phone call, take the initiative to care, you will get unexpected gains.
(You'll love it: Interview with Kiwebaby and close friend Mackie: When you like yourself very much, the world will come back and hug you)
- Online reading club (2-5 people)
Expand the circle a little bit, find like-minded 2 to 5 friends, read a book together, make an appointment, turn on video software (can be LINE, Google Meet Zoom, or Zoom) to set rules for each other's co-reading, such as one person to read for a week, and share with each other the caution you see in each chapter. Can be related to work, can not be related to, reading can get more different perspectives, can let you on the front of this familiar friend, more different understanding.
- Online table tours (5-10 people)
If the energy is reachable, you can try a little larger communication community, table games will be no lethal, also do not need to chat too much energy, but through the game can be a good way to relax each other. Last weekend I also tried to play online werewolf killing with eight other college friends (because we have a werewolf kill in the playing entity, so the entry threshold for the game is low), and it is recommended to search the Internet for "online table games app", there are quite a number of viable options, such as: K song, who is undercover, werewolf kill and so on. Games should be an important part of life.
No matter what way you choose to maintain your social energy during an outbreak and connect with the necessary people, the most important thing is to remember to focus on your energy and needs, let's take the initiative together a little bit to build the most comfortable network for ourselves. Look forward to the day when we can have a meal face to face.