To the lovers in the epidemic: "Because of distance quarrels, because of miss, because of uneasiness" When long-distance love becomes the new normal of society, what can we do about this intimate relationship?
Code of Conduct for Epidemic Prevention, which can begin today
After the national level three alert, many people have been working for a while, home-and-away operations, and to this day you will find a cruel fact: when something is difficult to solve before the pandemic, then it may become more difficult after that. For example, the balance of life and work, parenthood, the test of children, how to exercise regularly, or get along with a partner.
Among these potential problems, the impact of long-distance relationships at the bottom of the epidemic is less clear, with more than 51 percent of respondents saying they are more open to long-distance relationships over the past year than in previous years, according to a new user preference survey by OkCupid, a US dating site.
Why is there such a "tendency"? Joey White, a Michigan resident interviewed by The New York Times, said that under normal circumstances it's unbearable to fall in love, "but when every other aspect of our lives is virtual, it doesn't seem like a big deal to communicate through FaceTime alone." 」
Photo|Photo by jhphoto on PIXTA
Thanks to the epidemic, the established pattern of "getting along" no longer works, and long-distance relationships no longer seem so scary when we spend most of our time unable to "physically get along" and begin to adapt to the many changes brought about by the outbreak.
However, there are risks, as professor Theresa DiDonato, a romance expert, puts it: "If you were in a long-distance relationship before the pandemic, you are more likely to maintain your habits; 」
The so-called "new connection" approach refers generally to new relationships created before or shortly after an epidemic, such as long-distance lovers who are not allowed to meet because of the outbreak, or long-distance partners who are forced to travel long distances because of their respective home epidemic prevention.
(Recommended reading: Epidemic prevention and anti-anxiety mantra: when the epidemic heats up, give yourself a little more gentleness)
When distant love becomes the new normal of society, whether the relationship can survive the pandemic is something we all care about. Here are three of your long-distance teaching strategies to build new love principles together.
1. Discuss "When are we going to have a conversation" with your other half
Whether it's because of an outbreak or because you're in a "long-distance relationship" with a lover, try to establish "clear expectations and settings about when and how to communicate" with each other, after all, some people like to send messages back and forth all day, others think it's a distraction. It is important to determine the frequency and time of conversation with your partner as early as possible, provided that their needs may be different.
When you try to set the frequency of circular chats, choose a time that each other can commit to, so that your partner becomes more likely to feel like your priority, which can be different and can take you on a long journey.
Bela Gandhi, a DATING COACH AND FOUNDER OF SMART DATING ACADEMY, ADVISES LONG-DISTANCE LOVERS: "IF YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT A NIGHT OWL, DON'T SCHEDULE A VIDEO AFTER 10:30 P.M., AND YOU DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO MAKE THE PERSON FEEL GRUMPY OR TIRED WHILE TALKING." 」
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2. Even if there is no real companionship, do your best to accompany
It's important to create fake, staggered, high-quality dates, and even if there's no way to be together, you can create good memories together. Make a meal that you love, dress up, hang up your headphones, turn on the video, and start a dinner date, a moment that distant couples can create for each other. Maybe before a date, you can send a gift, maybe a handwritten letter, or something sent online shopping, to create a dating atmosphere.
Arranging virtual appointments is an important key to creating a sense of "interdependence" through which each other's lives can be woven together, and in this highly valued, highly dependent relationship, the partner will always live by your side (in your mind). When you cook a dish, you want to share it with him, and you think, "Ah, he'll love it, and next time you meet, I can cook it for him." 」
Photo|photo by Chinh Le Duc on Unsplash
3. Pay attention to each other's "realities", but don't forget to discuss each other's "futures"
It has to be said that there must be motivation to build relationships, and part of that motivation comes from meeting in person. However, during an outbreak, it is more difficult to meet people who do not live together or who have separated the two places in order to avoid unnecessary travel.
For two people who maintained long-distance relationships before the outbreak, the absence of regular visits to maintain each other's pace of life while both domestic and foreign travel were prohibited makes it more difficult to "exercise" together in real life, as what you had expected suddenly became out of reach, which also means that you will lose the opportunity to recharge your batteries by hugging, kissing, and snuggling up to each other.
(Same scene: When an emotional mature person!) 5 tricks to keep you from getting angry and refuse to let emotions dominate your life)
In this case, it is important to recognize the reality and find a realistic way to get along with each other. You can start with a few consensuses:
- We have no way to fight fate, especially to ignore the severity of the outbreak, so it is not the responsibility of anyone not to meet, we will work together to minimize the damage.
- Any issue where we argue over distance needs to respond to each other's real needs, knowing that "the quarrel because of distance is because we miss, because we are upset" Don't accuse either side of a quarrel over fear, understand it, and then appease it.
Photo|photo by Safar Safarov on Unsplash
It is difficult not only to commit to a relationship, but also to maintain stability without meeting each other, but even if it is difficult you have to make sure that you are on the same path and that long-distance love can be maintained, but you still have to share an ultimate goal.
This means that you have a lot of dialogue, and before you do, you have to be well aware of your expectations and imaginations about the relationship. Don't feel like you're wasting time with each other and don't ask other, more detailed questions, such as: What do we do to make each other feel better? How do we get along in the long run? How long before we have a chance to change the current pattern? If we are not suitable for each other to fall in love over long distances, can that last?
If you both agree that the distance under the epidemic is only a temporary physical sacrifice, then you should also understand together that, in the end, the distance will end;
It is recommended that you read more "distance love exercises" and look forward to the day we meet again.
(Extended reading:"Long Distance Love Exercises" 5 Exercises for Long-Distance Couples To Argue: Remember that all bad words come from the need for love