2021 "Near the Future, Respect the Future" the first live online speaker Hai Moss Bear, accompanied readers to use "the association of the door", "the metaphor of the wall" and other thinking to break through the blind spot, and everyone together to create visible happiness!

In the early summer of 2021, Taiwan's new crown pneumonia epidemic expanded, so that life changes rapidly, daily is no longer business as usual, those who could have gone out to let off the wind, but also replaced by tight space, spent several weekends at home, under a few books, by the algorithm pushed pit to buy some online courses, become cross-video streaming platform users, living in peace, but there is always a sense of loneliness.

In June this year, women fans launched the "Near the Future, Respect the Future" online event, planning a series of "Embrace Energy Guides", inviting a "Embrace Energy Ambassador" every week to accompany readers to calm their energy, calm down and work for the future at very moments.

As the first live online speaker of "Near the Future, To the Future" in 2021, the psychological writer Haitsum asked, how do you settle down in your irritable life? He took himself as an example, for quite some time, he also pulled in two extreme emotions, one thought "I suck", and one thought "I'm fine today".

He mentioned that to settle down, he first had to be taken out of the state of chaos and identified himself. Try to think about a simple question, which is when someone asks you today, "Hey, how have you been?" Can you answer that?

Photo|Photo by Pangaea on PIXTA

3 things you should ask yourself when finding the source of anxiety

"Every day since level three alerts, it's a bit stuffy, but it's so abstract that you can't answer that question, " says The Sea Tess, a psychological method called Self-determinism, a theory ㄧ theory of human personality and motivation that divides "motivation" into three parts: one is "Competence" and the other is "Competence" Belonging (Relatedness) and "Autonom".

How do you know if you have these three parts, the sea moss bear mentions, can be judged by three self-questioning:

  • Do you get a sense of accomplishment because of your recent work or task? (Competent)
  • Has there been anyone in your life who cares about you and someone who loves you lately? (Attribution)
  • Can you choose your own recent life? (Autonomous)

If these three questions aren't enough to help you find the pain points in your life, try testing your energy state with a Positive and Negative Affect Schedule, PANAS.

First of all, the sea moss bear said, spread out your five fingers, to calculate the past five days how many happy days you have, one day the happiness index is greater than the anxiety index, pull a finger, try to recall the past five days of life, your satisfaction, whether your emotional state has reached the "happy" standard, after thinking, suppose you use to remove two fingers, your positive percentage is 40%, three are 60%, and so on.

If it's not easy for you to remember the past, try to think about when you last laughed and then go back, what about the last time? What about the last time? Use this to determine your energy and emotional state by understanding what the positive and negative emotional ratio is.

(Extended reading: Always used to suppressing emotions?) Relationship Psychology: Patience is emotional violence against oneself)

Solution one: Let "the association of the door" lead you to find a breakthrough in positive and negative emotions

What if, after both assessments, you find yourself having a bad time recently?

The sea-tess bear cites the example shared by psychologist Professor Han Peiling in an online seminar, the door's even thought, "Imagine if the outbreak were a door, and what would the door close and open?" The sea moss bear led the participants to think, "Looking at this picture, you can think of it, what does the red part outside the door look like?" 」

Photo | Sea Moss Bear

Participants wrote their thoughts in the Google Meet message area, looking at the red halo behind the door, and you could try to ask yourself what those things might be inside and out of the outbreak.

"I closed the opportunity to go out and climb the mountain, and I left my time. 」

"It closed the door to travel, but opened the door to travel inside." 」

"Shut up false friendships and leave behind those who really care." 」

The positive and negative narratives lead us to accept the vested facts of "negative things" and to see that "positive things" have their place, "you may feel like you're dead this morning, and you'll feel productive in the afternoon and evening." It's important to be aware of your productivity, whether it's assignments while working from home or the deployment of a week's trip, to create a "golden time" for yourself, and you need to know when to open the door and when to close it.

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Solution 2: Let "The Metaphor of the Wall" show you new landscapes under different interpretations

Regarding dealing with negative emotions, in addition to "the association of the door", the sea moss bear proposed another "metaphor of the wall", he followed the sequence: "You can imagine, there is a wall, there is a hole in the top, if the outbreak is outside the wall, what do you think this wall can block us, protect us what?" 」

Photo | Sea Moss Bear

"To block the noise of the outside world, to protect the inner peace. 」

"Blocking the virus, protecting health." 」

Vision sometimes reflects the heart, the back of something you seem to be solving, or it can lead to different explanations, "A friend said very well, he said, although the mask is inconvenient, but he blocked some ugly things, face is blocked by the mask, you can be more without mustard to get close to others, " said the sea moss bear, when we do not have to look to judge a person, the light will shine through the hole in the wall, you will see a different scenery.

Solution 3: Put anxiety aside and leave him alone for the time being

Step by step, you can pull out of a single negative emotion, see the positive and negative side of the event, assume and perceive different emotions, and then, the sea moss bear proposes a third solution, from an exercise in commitment and acceptance therapy, he guides the participants: "You can try to keep your left and right hands in front of your eyes, feel, when we put both hands in front of you, your eyes will become blurred, unclear, this feeling is very depressing, so how to make the eyes back clear?" 」

The answer is, just put your hands down. Before you put it down, try to feel, what is this blocking thing? Is it our inner voice? Is it self-loathing, self-denial, that lets you see things through a filter?

"I suck, I don't have anyone, I'm crap, and when you're full of these thoughts, it's hard to see the whole picture." The so-called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACCEPTANCE and Commitment therapy, ACT) means that your hand may always be there, it won't go away, and you still have a lot of times when you feel bad and unworthy of love, but you can try to put these ideas gently next to it, and it's still there, but it doesn't block your view.

As for how to take away the hand that blocks the view, the sea moss bear put forward the least feasible solution for everyone to try: "You can take a piece of paper, write down the idea, and then, put the paper next to it, feel, this sentence in front of the eyes when blocking how many sight, and put next to, you can see other scenery?" 」

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Solution 4: Create visible happiness for yourself!

Lea Waters, a 20-year-old psychologist with strong research in psychology and education, focuses on the six main faces of life, and you're likely to find happiness.

To put it bluntly, creating "visible happiness" helps to bring back a sense of control in life;

Creating "visible happiness" can begin with six important faces:

  1. Advantages: In short, what are you doing well? 」
  2. Habit: You are the sum of your daily routine.
  3. Response: You can ask yourself, "What can you do in the face of adversity?" 」
  4. Emotional management: Increased positive, accepting negative direction.
  5. Attention and awareness: inside and outside the world.
  6. Interpersonal relationships: the quality and "quantity" of social support.

In the case of "emotional management", if you want to strengthen the positive parts of your life and accept negative factors, you can start with a daily Thanksgiving diary.

"I started actually doing it after the outbreak, and I found that in my daily Thanksgiving diary, the person I most often thanked was myself, thanking myself for not playing tricks today, doing a lot of things, thanking myself for exercising, and by thanking myself for one thing every day, you can create positive values for yourself," he said. 」

If you want to improve "attention and awareness", the simplest exercise is to feel the distance between the inside and the outside, which is very mysterious, but the sea moss bear guides the students to feel the self sitting in the chair now, "you can feel the gap between the buttocks and the chair, feel your hips and pants contact feeling, before I have said, very few people should be aware of these tiny contacts, to perceive the details of the body, is the first step to awareness." The sea moss bear said.

In addition to the usual daily, there are accidents. Create visible happiness, and more importantly, you have to know that in times of adversity, what to do will make you feel better, adversity is sometimes not a single event, may be a long-term and persistent state, when you step on the mud, there will always be something can be used as a basin of water, watered up, you can temporarily clean, build up strength, rethink how to leave this impasse.

Photo|Photo by Peter Fogden on Unsplash

In addition to disaster response, you need to develop emotional adjustment muscle strength

Emotions are fluid, it is not a one-time solution to you, you can be concerned about this, the absolute control of the day, therefore, than control, face and adjust more important. In the face of a fickle life, you can practice to develop strong inner self-talk habits, such as: try to make uncomfortable feelings, and make a division with yourself.

"You can imagine something in front of you that makes you uncomfortable, try to drag it away from you, or you can imagine you're a gecko on a wall (sea moss bear says: I don't know why it's a gecko, you can imagine other creatures), look at this sad person in the room and think, how do you feel when you look at him?" Cai Yilin has a song called Third Person, you can use this point of view to see their own state, pull the distance away, the pressure will be reduced. 」

Put the heavy pressure aside gently, try to pull yourself away from your emotions, and then try to accept your four steps:

  1. Focus on breathing and live in the present moment: feel yourself as much as possible.
  2. Distinguish between the self of thought and the self of observation: observe the negative thought itself, pull yourself out of your body, hold a magnifying glass, and take two steps back to watch.
  3. Know your values: Clarifying what you believe in can help you see things and make decisions.
  4. When tangled, look at your thoughts again: try to think of negative emotions as a cloud that drifts away slowly, or you can imagine negative emotions as anything, slowly being taken away and taken out of your sight.

When you complete the above four steps, you can try to live in the moment and feel the present.

"After all, a lot of times when you live in the past and in the future, you feel stressed because the more you think about the cause, the less you know what it is, and if you're the one who feels anxious before bedtime, you're advised to just wake up, write down your questions on paper, tell yourself, "Think again tomorrow" and go back to bed." The sea moss bear said, tell yourself to wait and think, not don't think, wait to think, sometimes things put, it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Under the epidemic, your body and mind are all right, first a quick test, the following state, is you facing the stage of life?

□ can't help but brush the news every day, the more I look at it, the more anxious I feel
□ spend more time with yourself and feel uneasy about spending time in vain
□ can't stop worrying that I can't really live in the present moment

If any of these are the things that's happened to you recently, this audio series is tailored for you:a must-have relaxation lesson for Womany Original contemporarys!