Whether in a relationship with a partner, family, or the workplace, we all want to have the ideal relationship, but why often it backfires? Women fans interview "relationship communication" Luo Weihong Xiaohu teacher, deeply realized - communication is really a learning!

What is a sound coach? Where does relationship communication come from?

Mr. Luo is an experienced "voice coach" who has taught more than 1800 sessions in major companies and organizations over the years. He is good at taking students from the inner self-exploration, the voice into the medium, guide the students how to communicate their meaning to each other, and resolve conflicts and misunderstandings, and finally complete the purpose of communication.

This time the female fan is honored to interview the tiger teacher, in an hour of interview, the tiger teacher showed a high degree of empathy, easy-to-understand mind method but repeatedly broke through the blind spot of thinking, it seems that complex views through the teacher's image finishing and commentary, coupled with vivid and profound case story sharing, so that this interview like a wonderful lecture!

Photo | Little Tiger

First of all, it is curious why Miss Tiger developed this "communication" skill.

Xiaohu teacher smiled and said, in fact, when he was young, because of work, with his respected teacher there are many communication is not smooth, then because each conflict is too painful, so both sides choose to escape. Escape, but the psychological pressure is increasing, until one day the pressure will crush him - just because communication is not smooth, almost to see God.

From that moment flashed the life running horse lamp, the tiger teacher as if freshman in general, suddenly realized the core of communication. After that, he took some actions to get the teacher available, and those actions brought him fruitful results, even for him to have a wonderful marriage to his later wife Lynn - thanks to "relationship communication."

In this life turning point story, there is no talk and what profound theory, but said the core key of communication, that is, from the self to the connection with each other!

So how did Mr. Tiger use his communication skills in the workplace and in his relationships to bring him a critical transformation?

(Same show: Tiger teacher column| work from home, how to maintain communication quality with "all day long" partner?

The basic heart of communication: the relationship triangle

Mr. Tiger begins by explaining the most basic concept, which is communication with the "self". The teacher used his special chart to take us to understand the "three elements, three qualities", so that self-thinking has been followed, just like by a senior professional psychological consultant guide in general, to open up the chaotic emotional fog, so that the thinking more clearly.

The so-called communication starts with a motivation, that is, what our "heart" wants to say, so the path is from my "heart" to my "brain" and then from my "brain" to the person I want to speak to.

If we do not realize the "self" in our communication first, then communication will accidentally lose focus, and because we do not care about ourselves, it will be difficult to achieve our original communication purposes.

Because the important thing is not simply to "speak on the surface", but whether to achieve "inner communication" is the key.

If one of the links goes wrong, such as the one of the self can not pass, or the pass to the other side, then these small conflicts will accumulate, into a conflict snowball ...

A conflicting snowball, if left uncheaked, can overwhelm a relationship

There are often a lot of negative voices running out in our hearts, and when we choose to suppress, the result is like a snowball, rolling bigger and bigger.

But communication must be how much there will be conflict ah, then how to do? You may be wondering to see this. And the tiger teacher is not slow to explain the conflict from two angles to start:

1. Self-transformation

Sometimes if we can't correctly receive the other person's emotions in the first place, create misunderstandings, or receive full of negative emotions, then in our hearts, the discontent will begin to accumulate, and gradually with the surrounding conflict, so this "conflict snowball" will be bigger and bigger.

So it's better to learn from the beginning how to empathe with yourself and export your feelings in a positive way, rather than reflecting each other's negative emotions back like a mirror - that's "transformation."

When you convert your feelings, and then use a better communication method to the other side to throw the ball of communication, the other side will be more willing to "catch the ball", to receive your feelings, then the next step of communication can also be smooth.

2. Self-empathy

The above refers to the part of the ball that is received, and your inner self is the same.

When we encounter conflict, we inevitably feel angry and aggrieved, but when you can catch yourself well, you will find that the other person's negative emotions are less likely to affect them. Having a stable mind of their own, will also have more room to understand each other, and this also let you and the other side of the quality of the connection greatly improved.

After dealing with yourself, you enter the communication with each other! The tiger teacher came along with a very emotional example of the students who had taken the class:

If you start with "you", it is easy to feel recriminated, but if you start by saying "I", it is to communicate with the other person from my point of view, thereby reducing the initial friction.

Like such a small speaking skills, but can bring about a big change in feeling.

So, with the beginning, how to carry out a good communication model? This is what Mr. Tiger will bring to the course: a good communication class will teach you a good speaking structure, even a thought structure, so that your "relationship communication" with your goals can focus well, completely allow each other's thoughts to communicate, with a partner to produce a deeper sense of intimacy, or at work to produce a more exciting spark.

In short, relationship communication is a skill, but also a form of self-growth.

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Relationship communication is not limited to partners, but is applied across all fields

We think that only in the relationship between partners to operate, only need to learn relationship communication, but in fact not only partners, family and friends, the workplace, all kinds of interpersonal relationships need!

Because what is needed in the workplace is not just professional competence, but also complex networks, especially when we see our work as a long-term relationship, how to make each other accept each other's feelings, and understand that interacting with each other is a very important thing. If the communication skills are well mastered, you can communicate with colleagues, superiors, subordinates can be more smooth, naturally can also give a big bonus for the performance of the work!

The longer we stay in the workplace, the more important we will find "communication skills" that affect the smoothness of our collaborations with others, or even the possibility of promotion. So if you improve your communication skills through relationship communication and other methods, it will also become a display of professional ability, which complement each other.

Everyone's communication difficulties are different, but the core issues are the same

We continue to dig out the curious part of many students from The Tiger teacher: What is the most troubling part of communication? Does communication really need to be learned?

According to the tiger teacher's observation for many years, in fact, most people often feel each other covered by a layer of film, that is a kind of you would like to say something to each other, but as if in the water, you can not express well, the other side also failed to receive smoothly, resulting in a lot of misunderstandings, but also missed many opportunities to make a relationship closer to each other.

Some people look divorced from their partners, seem close but rarely communicate truthfully, some want their families to know themselves, but are repeatedly rejected, and some people are misunderstood by their superiors at work, but can't explain to themselves that everyone's difficulties in a relationship are not the same, but the core issues are the same.

In fact, the part of communication, should be a kind of heart to convey, rather than simple statement catharsis, under the guidance of professional, you may be surprised to find that "the original I speak less what", previously is cathartic to finish the words, can now be meaningful to convey.

Interestingly, it's back to the beginning, why should we learn "sound"?

Sound is a medium that provides the precision with which communication takes off. And the earlier you learn to communicate, the sooner you know what you want, what you don't want, and understand what the other person wants and doesn't want. This is not a direct capacity growth, but it will help in all respects.

And how to control their own voice, a good way to communicate their meaning to each other smoothly and completely, this is a professional, need to practice, and we can learn from the "voice coach."

If you want to rebuild a new relationship with the other person

Today, in an intimate relationship, or one-on-one working relationship, if one person feels aggrieved, the other person can't really be happy. Dissatisfaction in a relationship accumulates, day after day, like a snowball of conflict at the beginning, and eventually rolls bigger and bigger, eventually crushing the relationship.

When we use each other's needs as a starting point to establish a relationship pattern with each other, we can really achieve the appearance of happiness.

And in reading this article you can also think, if you learned "relationship communication", you first want to re-establish relations with whom? Who do you want to be happy with?