Interview with women's fan Sales Head Cotzerin: Every time I get a new assignment I'm scared, but it's because I'm afraid that I'm going to act

Audrey Ko, Cotzerin, born in the summer, was born in Taichung, raising a cute orange cat, and a woman fan worked for eight years.

In the past, people are more familiar with her as editor-in-chief, leading the gender discussion, Ann's injured soul, head deep dive in the work, even if carrying overloaded oxygen cylinders, are eager to explore some deeper, play to enjoy the creation of fun, now, out of the water breathing, change climbing equipment, with the sea to the mountain such a very long-span metaphor, she by the content span sales, it can not be more appropriate.

In 2021, Audrey will be a women's fan of Sales Head, opening its Nth adventure for women's fans.

Photo | Jennifer Photography

I'm not sure a female fan is the best fit for my job, but I chose it

"Ask me how to be sure that the work and lifestyle of a female fan is best for me?" To be honest, I'm not sure. Through the studio's earphones, Audrey's clear voice came into his ear, and it was felt that there was always thought behind every answer, but he didn't deliberately hide some uncertainty.

Right and wrong, she says, she chose the job herself, and whether there are more options on the back of the choice, she can't say without saying: "Maybe a better job does exist, but I didn't have an interest in knowing at the time, I just wanted to choose the thing I chose now." Now, so much so that at any point in the future, I may not know for sure whether my current job is the best option, but it is clear that I chose it.

Instead of looking for a job, look for something you really want to defend.

The 23-year-old, with a concern for gender issues, leapt into the rapids, feared, doubted, and physically and mentally exhausted, Audrey describes his first year at work, leaving his office in the Inner Lake every day from work, standing in front of the bus that left the bus, like a spotlight on himself, floating from God's point of view to ask, "What the hell are you doing now?"

"It has to be said that just entering the workplace 23-25 years old, is really the most confused stage of life, as if all my contemporaneous, peer people are caught in the same vortex of confusion, no matter where you go, want to talk about this topic, you can only get more confusion, that kind of overwhelmed feeling like multiplication, you and all the people around you, are caught in that hopeless." Audrey says that once life reaches the intersection of "must-choose" and "no-choice," it's time for you to open your heart and be aware of yourself.

It's sometimes like this - you have to throw yourself into an absolute "pause" before you have a chance to get out of the moment and go back and understand why you're in pain, why you're lost, why you're not safe.

"One of the things I did at the time was "rest" and I ran to New York for a month and immediately realized something I had never noticed before, and I was aware of myself. " She said that she found herself a workaholic on that trip, Mingming editorial desk has found a reassuring shift editor, everything is handled properly, but she will still be unable to help every day message concern, today ask how the manuscript, tomorrow chat whether there is a need for their own place.

These irresistible concerns about work turn back to Audrey's big hint, "I'm beginning to realize that what I really want to resist and adjust is not to get back to work, but to build a line between myself and my love of work." She mentions that for a long time, living in a pattern of blurred work-life lines, accumulating fatigue and irritability, always falling behind before work is not possible, and then producing a sharp rebound, and this imbalance, as a hate of work.

Start by introducing yourself and try to understand yourself in a more nuanced way

"When you pay more for something than you expect, more than you can cope with, without complaining, or even having fun with it, try to think, what is the common attribution behind the actions you are willing to give?" Audrey notes that in addition to dealing with imbalances, finding faith in your work is also an important process.

By looking back at life, what things do you spend relatively much time on, try to ask: What is my motivation behind doing this? By finding the switch of motivation, you will increasingly know what you are driving behind your behavior patterns, and this belief will take you further afield, where you can continue to dig more, give what you can and get what you deserve.

And ask yourself this action, can eventually be turned into a phased summary of their own behavior and thoughts: "I have to say, I really love to do summary, it comes from an editing training bar, because we have to do interviews, very quickly to others throw out the words to react, so the daily work should do a variety of summary ability, and I also found that the ability to apply to myself, can help me to look at myself with a more detailed dimension, Instead of a mess, describe it as: Oh, Audrey is a very cheerful person.

The editorial desk has more than 5 years of seniority, literary and people, interviews numerous, dialogue, can penetrate the soul, all believe, have a profound description, the pen has the perception, can depict the three-dimensional contour, from action to the heart, almost painting sound and shadow, are professional development. However, I do not know, all the writing, the most difficult is to introduce themselves.

"It's really hard, " Audrey said with a laugh, finding it difficult to describe himself, and on an occasion to introduce himself to others, he found that he didn't know how to express himself in detail. With some sort of editorial self-esteem, Audrey began writing practice.

"You can try to describe yourself in three versions: 50, 100, 200, and see how you plan to write about it in these spaces, and then go back and read them, and look at the descriptions, like you don't look like you are now."

From description to motivational mining, Audrey says it's dynamic exercises and iterations, all beliefs about life and work that, as the days go by, can condense into different shapes, liquid with liquid flow beauty, solid with solid persistence, The airy freedom is a matter of focus for Audrey, as she was when she first joined women's fans in 2012, and she has a near-mission belief in standing up for progress on gender issues.

"I was respected for everyone who should be able to stand on different fields, and I was quite concerned, and it made me willing to spend a lot of time, do a lot of things, move from editing to selling over time, and try a lot of different things with content at the core."

And these seem to be very similar but very different things, it is loaded with consent, is to create.

Audrey's words are full of understanding of themselves, so she uttered a sentence, with a ruminant tone, she said: "If eight years in the career and the company's development at different stages, what has not changed, I think it is possible to continue to do from zero to one thing, the whole process is like seeing things born, and how this birth carries many people's trust."

You are human, to accept yourself is to make mistakes

After five years at Yomo, but whenever you go out to give a speech and share it with someone, someone asks Audrey, "You haven't changed jobs, do you love this job?" What's it like to meet your favorite job as soon as you get out of society?

Audrey with a kind smile, slightly showed a little sense of helplessness, thinking that most people think, is she in this job has a lot of access, no hard work, no difficulty, to be able to day after day, year after year to do? Audrey says it's the opposite: "It's because there are so many difficulties and challenges in this job, and there are so many times when I'm overwhelmed and should be learning that I can stay in this place for so long."

Audrey laughs that, in fact, almost every day there are "very shy" moments, even in the past for a long time, the driving force of all efforts from "feel that they can not be out again", and such efforts, but for their own built a good high wall, with a thick mask, very armed, want to be a perfect person galloping the workplace.

"Because I'm really too bad, I can't accept it myself, " he said, as if to feel 20 generations of Audrey gritted his teeth in the face of anecdote, and it was common to rub a gun with failure on the way to growth, and how to live with it and face it was the skill.

At some point, however, she found that she could no longer ask for it. "Because the frequency of the outburst is so high, I need to accept that I am a person, not a machine, that I am a mistake." Audrey said with some inspection, with his chin.

It's important to find a way to really relax and let go

From knowing to acting, sometimes it is easy to communicate with yourself for a long time, but many times people's consciousness is just "knowing". Audrey says that for a long time after starting to lead the team, I felt that the leader was weak, undeal, not afraid.

"But this thing is simply impossible, " to overthrow themselves, Audrey has a big machine, many things can be honestly told in words, depends on awareness of themselves, without feeling that this is a disgrace: "When you want to be an indestructible person, one day you will find that it is really necessary to show weakness, that weakness, will be extremely difficult for you, I can not open my mouth to my team members to say, hey, I do a project, but I really do not know how to do it well." It's very difficult for me.

It's an endless vicious circle to keep people away from help thousands of miles away, because when you can't talk about your needs in a group, how can others reach out to you, "After all, it's me who pushes away the help of others." Audrey notes that her experience of failure at one point led her to question all her decisions, and that she couldn't even play properly with what she was supposed to do.

Life meets the trough, like standing on a cliff to the top of the mountain crying, every time I hear their own echo, like reminding themselves again, oh, you really failed, you really did not do very well, and now look back, Audrey smiled and shared: "I hardly know what I can do, in that bewildered moment, the first thought is "I need to rest."

So a ticket to start, and three or five friends to Bangkok, every day to do a massage, let their body completely down, accept the concave fold, beat, repeated listening to the massage master frowned and said to her: "Sister, you are really tired roar." Because the body knows, the body all remember those traces of the past, those deadlocked in front of the computer tapping, difficult to sleep days, pressure in the body accumulated into a heavy shape, hard blocks generally knot there, suddenly a relaxed, the whole body of the spirit is scattered, every massage, 15 minutes must fall asleep, as if the owed are anxious to pay off at this moment.

"That experience taught me that wherever you go, it's important that you can find a way to really relax and let go, and that through this kind of re-up and repair, I've got a way to get my life back full of things that I love and make me love the challenges that I really enjoy in my work." Audrey mentions that there's one thing that's weird, but we don't necessarily hate challenges, but a lot of things take a long time, and frustration pulls you into the abyss, leading people to wonder if they don't like it or if it's not appropriate.

"Rest is a reset that allows you to rediscover your commitment to something, and what happens when you have the intent to accomplish it, even if there is something wrong with the process?" Because you really care about it, you really want to do it, then you don't have to deny your desire to accomplish it because you're not doing it well enough.

What I'm afraid of is actually a gift to start

Speaking of the fear at the top of his career, Audrey said: 'If this is the way it goes, I'm not afraid, it's too much like a dummy.'

With that, she laughed, her clear voice sounded sincere, and open to fear: "It is because I often have fear, will feel that if I do not go to action, I will not know what I am afraid of, so I get a new task every time I am afraid ah, but I am afraid to act."

Instead of sitting back and thinking about what you're afraid of, take a few more steps to find "Oh, I'm afraid that the road is narrow" or "I don't have enough equipment," Audrey notes, and this seemingly bizarre logic is really true, and when we can break the existing logic of strengths and weaknesses, we'll find that behind the pessimism, fear, inferiority, perfectionism, and choice barriers, it's all your motivation to move forward.

"For example, fear of this matter is neutral to me, or even to merit. I choose to move forward to explore this fear because I am afraid, and some people choose to carefully evaluate the choices that you thought were negative traits that you actually give us, and which are actually gifts about departure.

It is because of the intensity of work, the intensity of life to keep up

Audrey is a workaholic, she's unabashed, she laughs and says yes, yes, I really like working.

Struggling with work-life balance for a while, she is now finding ways to inject life out of work, like scheduling a project trip, by placing "eat ramen," "afternoon tea," "do yoga," "copy the Bible" on google calendars, and letting the break bounce out on time to remind herself that now, now, you should give yourself a sweet afternoon tea.

Reaching this point, also experienced a long collision, she said: "The previous stage of my not too dare to rest, no way as now logically put the intensity of life up, for that stage of me, as if if I go to rest, I do not work hard enough, I am a very irresponsible person, I think everyone's heart more or less will have such a voice."

Because the world works for a reason, especially as we all live in a situation where time is traded for value, the competitive capitalist world defines how you define your time, making it easy for us to develop a "rest is a sin" value system, as if we were willing to bet more time, we can become a more valuable person.

"Until a friend told me that your current belief system must have helped you in some way at some point, like you, 23-25 years old, when you needed that belief system to help you make up for a lot of things you didn't have, but you also have to see that you're not 25 years old, you're grown up, you've left that belief system to protect yourself, you should build a new rhythm, inner order, and rest should be included."

Looking back, pay attention to yourself, if people must have stages, remember to establish for themselves in line with the current value system, when to desperately take, when to give desperately, those times to rest, when to open up more possibilities for themselves. This process of perception, like the continuous maintenance of this mechanism called "I", he should be able to be like iOS is refurbished, upgraded, so that we can all follow their own speed and trajectory, step by step, become a better self.

Self-awareness exercises begin with remembering to breathe

"If focusing on yourself, being aware that it's hard for you, and focusing on your easiest way, remember to breathe."

Audrey says it's easy to forget what we look like, and even our bodies are sometimes far from our minds, and if you put up a panoramic video recorder at your desk, you'll find that your body is always tight, your shoulders stiff, your back bowed, and you're in a very "twisted" position to face the infinite world in front of your computer, but you always forget to look back at yourself.

"A lot of times, we don't notice that we're not breathing seriously, we really don't." Audrey says, while rendering a deep-sucking gesture: "I realize that I can start breathing, and every day I start to stop and tell myself: I'm going to do three deep breaths and deep vomits now, and although I'm really long because of my emotional level, it's funny, but when you're really breathing, you immediately feel like you're "really" great."

Effort to live, many times, will let us ignore the feelings of the body, all the intention is to spur, spur that is not good enough, not hard enough, not comfortable enough, not enough water like fish, however, if our life is only to spur, forget to give ourselves a little patting in the very tired and tired moment, or, even for their own good breathing time is not, then we really want to ask why.

Ask why? " It is a deep question for yourself, self-awareness is trivial but important daily, you have to start, before you start.

Postscript to the interview

During the interview, I like to pay attention to some small details.

For example, when Audrey says the word "great", it's genuine excitement, not that kind of end-of-word, not a mantra, but really feel that this thing at this moment, really great, that kind of self-inspiring and inspiring, always make the person with her conversation, feel funny and comfortable. (The funny thing here is the kind of thing that really laughs out, it laughs.) ）

There is an interesting question in the interview: Suppose there is a God / Creator / Mysterious Power today, to carry out a great reset on the earth, all people can only leave three most important things, objects, for Audrey, what would that be?

She smiled and said that her answer was not as tall as she thought, the first thought floating over her head, it was just that my cat must stay, after speaking, her eyes floated upward, thinking for 0.5 seconds, immediately began to analyze their answers, and quickly responded, saying, "I think behind this thought, I want the world I care about things, I care about people to stay, and my cat is the representative of all this."

In just a few seconds, perfectly reflecting Audrey's inertia, with a little bit of romance and humor about life, complemented by a sense of self, and a concern for the person who can be loved, the things I think is why every conversation with Audrey is so memorable.

After recording the Podcast, I feel extra relaxed, perhaps just as Audrey is breathing, or, in Audrey's philosophy of life, find elements that can irrigate the state of the moment. After reading Audrey's text for more than five years, it is often expected that her sense of back, like the frankness of her words, and the kind of weight-lifting firmness that she talks about, I think, workers who can walk gracefully on steel ropes, are afraid but fearless to move forward.

Weightlifting is light, and in the details of life and work, even if it's a dust servant, it's because they're on their way to their ideal life.