"Picking up the Year has cheng and true anniversary" 7th Times lecture hall "relationship communication lecture hall", we invited to Taiwan Nonviolent Communication Co. , Ltd. head of Teacher Yu Lijun, to practice "nonviolent communication" with female fans readers, when you learn to take care of yourself, you can also learn to take care of others, and even open a journey with each other's hearts.

Have you ever thought that in an age of fast pace in our lives, we might be subjected to violence all the time? Violence is not just physical, our everyday language can also cause harm to others. How do we use empathy and sincere communication to avoid harm in communication?

Marshall, Ph.D. in American Psychology. After years of studying psychology, Luxembourg has developed nonviolent communication (Nonviolent Communication, NVC), and the term "nonviolent" originated in Mahatma Gandhi, meaning that after violence fades, love naturally flows, so nonviolent communication is also known elsewhere as the "language of love", through nonviolent communication to resolve negative and anxious emotions and help us clarify the reasons behind the incident.

The 7th Times Lecture Hall "Relationship Communication Lecture" we will show you:

  1. How to listen and empathe with each other in four steps
  2. Practice clearly articulating your inner needs and improving your quality of life
  3. Learn to understand the real needs of others and reduce conflict leading to harmonious relationships

Next let the text of this lecture finishing and audio and video playback, take you through the guidance of Mr. Yu Lijun, together into the "non-violent communication" of the new world!

It's not your fault that you used to communicate violently in the past

From the beginning of his own story, rational and gentle words mentioned that he used to be in marriage and family, are in a "control of things" role in life, sharp language and full of demanding emotions, so that their relationship with husband and children tend to be tense, often causing irritability and frustration on both sides, want to say things are difficult to smoothly reach each other.

This situation is actually caught in the communication of the "diffuse speech" misunderstanding, everything is divided into "right and wrong", this communication method is easy to cause conflict, indifference and alienation. But how did this method of communication come about? In fact, it is also from the family, school and social education acquisition, so we are all using, everyone is not aware of the problem.

Now, Mr. Gong has found a better way to communicate: nonviolent communication, also known as the "language of love".

Four elements at the heart of "nonviolent communication":

  1. Observation (statement of facts)
  2. Feelings (statement of importance)
  3. Need (value)
  4. Request (meet needs)

These four elements require us to practice and self-awareness in our dialogue with others in order to master them well.

With "empathy" first with themselves, and then with each other, the use of "meet the needs" as the basis of listening and expression, meaning not to manipulate or build words, but sincerely connect the needs of both sides, and ultimately to create a conflict-free, tense dialogue space, the establishment of quality links between people.

(Extended Reading: To Smart You: How not to be aggressive when communicating with your partner - Nonviolent Communication Concept)

Key points that run through communication: honest expression, and listening

Mr. Gong cites a practical case in which the participants see how the four elements are carried out in a dialogue:

First of all, imagine yourself as a housewife, and after your partner comes home from work for dinner, she just lies on the couch and slides his cell phone for an hour. And the family toil all day, in fact, would like to talk to your partner, see this situation, what is the first reaction?

Mr. Gong used the mood of his students to perform for everyone: "I will be angry!" I think he's so lazy and selfish, he'd rather play with his cell phone when he comes home and doesn't even want to talk to me. So it's likely that the student will pass on the current mood and words to the other person - so will the partner who usually hears this respond to you?

If we are aware that we are stimulated by events, the emergence of emotions, please pause the action, take a deep breath, leave the scene of the situation, first do not speak full of emotions. Let yourself be alone in the room and try to clear your mind through self-exploration:

Before we implement the four elements of "nonviolent communication" with the other person, let's apply it to ourselves and ask ourselves, "What's wrong with me?" Because if we are still angry, we will not be able to take care of others, so we start with the same thing ourselves:

First, self-link/self-empathy

  1. Observation (statement of facts): "I saw my partner sitting on the couch playing with his cell phone for 1 hour after dinner. "
  2. Feelings (statement of importance): "I feel a little angry, sad, lonely"
  3. Need (value): "Because I want to be company, to communicate, to be close."
  4. Request (to meet needs): "The feeling I want to express most is loneliness, and the thing I want to do most is to communicate. "

Emotions have to be broken down and excavated layer by layer, practice getting along with yourself, you will find your core emotions, and then try to experience your feelings and learn to get along with them.

Only when you calm down and open your heart will you have room to see each other's feelings and needs. So when you're done with your journey of self-exploration, the next step is to get out of the room and have a conversation with your partner:

Second, honest expression

  1. Observation (statement of fact): "I saw you sitting on the couch after work playing with your phone for 1 hour. "
  2. Feelings (statement of importance): "I feel a little lonely, "
  3. Need (value): "Because I want to talk to you (communication),"
  4. Request (to meet the need): "Would you like to put down your phone now and talk to me?"

When you choose not to speak in a violent tone and complain, and express your deep feelings - not anger, but loneliness - the other person can also communicate with you, create opportunities, and connect each other's emotions.

From "self-linking/self-empathy" to "honest expression" has taken a big step forward! Then we can go a step further and practice "listening like the same":

Third, listen to the same

  1. Observation (statement of fact): "I saw you sitting on the couch after work playing with your phone for 1 hour. "
  2. Feelings (statement of importance): "Are you tired?"
  3. Need (value): "Because you need to relax?"
  4. Request (meet needs): "Can you tell me what you heard me say?" What's your idea?

When you identify the other person's feelings and needs through empathy and communication, you may be able to arrive at a mutually acceptable question of action:

"Would you like to put down your cell phone and chat with me in an hour?"

No one's "needs" have to be sacrificed or wronged, and the purpose of nonviolent communication is to meet the needs of both sides.

Mr. Gong suggested that if your mood is calm, you can first try to take care of each other, because the same reason before you can see the original those who want to be angry behavior, may also represent the other side's frustration, fatigue, and he also has the need to expect to be met. So it's easy to open your ears and listen to you when you're talking to each other first.

Photo |Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

(Same show:"I'm all for your own good!" Nonviolent communication: Real care is not limiting the other person's possibilities)

Practice, practice, practice again! - What do you want to do?

Through this actual case analysis, the students present seemed to be at heart, the chat room has a heated discussion, the host wrote down a lot of notes, small helpers to share every golden sentence of the teacher.

Mr. Gong summed up "nonviolent communication" by:

  • Three ways to link:
    • Self-link
    • Be honest
    • Listen in the same sense
  • Use four elements:
    • observe
    • feel
    • need
    • request

So how do you practice nonviolent communication on a daily basis?

  1. Review conflict events and explore core feelings: To find your core feelings, be aware of everyday inertia and reactions, and be aware of whether you are being violent towards yourself or at others.
  2. Keep a diary: use diary into the self-exploration and awareness, combing feelings and real needs, each time will certainly think more than the last, better.

Regarding the "use of hand account, record life" this matter, women fans should not let go of recommending everyone '2022 play with time hand account',invite you to make a record for your daily life, so that the long life scenery has a place to live, accompany you to live a more conscious life.

Women's Fans x Immortals 2022 Women's Fans' Book Flow with Life Slows Down With Us.

And the method of communication with partners, we also recommend that students and readers, will today and Ms. Yu Lijun learned "non-violent communication" as a fusion, women fans of the original "relationship synchronization card" into your daily practice, with 99 key issues, close to each other, so that the relationship between the two people closer.

(Would you like to:"A Couple Minutes" Do you really know your other half, or do you think you understand? Love should be based on continuous understanding . . .

Highlights from the audience:

  • What if the other person doesn't listen to me?
  • How to deal with other people's emotions?
  • How can I not dance with the other person's negative emotions?
  • Can "nonviolent communication" be used in the workplace?

If you want to know how Mr. Gong answered, you can tap the following YouTube live link to relive the wonderful lecture! Learn to communicate well together!