Like to read you, in the vast sea of books, can not find a suitable book for their own? Or are you interested in certain topics and don't know where to start?

Dear readers, welcome to the women's book selection module - "Fascinating Reading Together". On the last Friday of every month, Women's Fans Editors will feature five good books, giving you a guide to how to get started.

At the same time, we invite all readers to join us in selecting a book you like from a fascinating selection of books to read, and look forward to sharing your thoughts with us so that your ideas will reverberate in the community and have a better chance of being included in the Women's Fans website!

Have you experienced "interpersonal communication" problems in the past month? Because of busy work, conflict with family and partners, disagreements with friends and colleagues, or excessive care about other people's feelings, there is no way to fully express their opinions, feel offended by others, but do not know how to defend themselves?

If you have this problem, in the last week of October, we would like to recommend five books on interpersonal relationships to you, in the coming of the New Year, reunion, through these books, re-grasp the "line" and "relationship" between people, whether it is affection, love, or friendship, through practical methods, effectively pull out the appropriate "interpersonal distance", but also more emotional "relationship awareness" to find a suitable character positioning.

We believe that through these relationship exercises, we can re-anchor our position in the human race, get rid of toxic relationships that we couldn't figure out in the past, recognize our bottom line, and be brave enough to speak your truest thoughts.

If you have similar problems, invite you to read together and even write down what you think. We believe that these writings will become a nutrient for the growth of a person and a community.

The map of life has no boundaries. Reading is for freedom.

Li Huizhen, "To Future Readers"

Photo|Photo by PanKR on PIXTA

For nonviolent communication skills, it is recommended that you look at it

Yin Shiying, "See what you say"

In relationships, it's not a good and effective communication that the two sides keep talking and no one wants to listen.

"See what we say" through 9 two-way thinking practice sessions, let us in each dialogue, understand their relationship with each other, but also think about their own words, if we can "see" what we say, some malicious can be avoided.

"When we know we're talking and the other person is listening, we don't say random comments. When the other side knows that he is saying hurtful words, you are not only listening, and these words will return to his own ears after a few seconds, taste the bitter taste of these words, but also through their own mouth to confirm that they take full responsibility for these words, perhaps will not be easy to say. - Yin Shiying

(Extended reading: Don't rush to defend when fighting!) Repeat what the other person said and let him know that what he said is actually hurtful . . .

Chen Tingxuan, "Are You Talking About Love or Hurt"

Verbal violence hurts far more than we think. "Are You Talking About Love or Hurt" through the case, let us recognize the common communication tone, may be a weapon to hurt others, and these injuries, more or less limit a person's development, or even let people into self-doubt dilemma.

So this book makes us think about how to recognize undetectable communication violence in our lives and use nonviolent ways to respect the emotional needs of both parties and interact in a language of equal respect.

But the author, Chen Tingxuan, also cautions: "It is not to blame the perpetrators of verbal violence, but to understand that they may have been hurt." It's more important to find patterns of communication that make each other comfortable.

(Extended reading:"I'm all for your own good!" Nonviolent communication: Real care is not limiting the other person's possibilities)

Photo|photo by Raychan on Unsplash

Regarding interpersonal relations, it is recommended that you look at each other

Kim Hui-jin, "My heart needs care too"

Many times, we are entangled in interpersonal relationships, not to find a good way to communicate, but to worry about being hated by the other side, too concerned about the eyes of others and society. Therefore, in the interpersonal boundaries, it is easy to choose to barely their own, with each other, can not draw a clear interpersonal boundaries.

In the book My Heart Needs Care, let's focus back on ourselves. In all relationships, many things are beyond our control, and the only thing that can change is ourselves. Needless to be in a mood that is uncontrollable, this book asks us to remember that all relationships have to return to their relationships.

"In any case, we should first accept that the only thing we can really control is me. Strictly speaking, it's not me, it's my 'brain' and my 'mind'. - Kim Hui-hui

(Extended reading: Why do others make me miserable?) Relationship Psychology: The Only Thing That Can Be Controlled is "My Heart")

Wu Zhihong, "Why Home Hurts"

Each person's initial "relationships" come from the family, and the experience of the native family will influence our interactions with others.

Why Home Hurts is a book that's good for parents and for reconciliation with inner children. In the book we see that good relations, good communication, is that both sides of the views are sincerely listened to, and only if the dialogue is willing to understand each other's emotional needs, there is a way to let each other feel the "love" behind the discourse.

"Why home hurts" decrypts the love that all parents give their children, as long as one of the ingredients is missing, the love of parents will become a weapon to encourage seedlings, so that children become helpless people on isolated islands. That ingredient is called listening. - Satir Correctional and Parent-Child Communication Specialist Li Yixuan

(Extended reading: Dear Parents: Don't think about what to do to love your child, listen sincerely, to make your child really feel loved)

Chen Zilan, "I have a hedgehog in my heart"

Are you a more defensive person when it matters to you? Why do you have these precautions? Is it the past relationship experience that locks you in, or is it the trauma of a native family that makes you less likely to trust others?

Chen Zilan, author of "I Live with a Hedgehog in My Heart", digs into the "defense mechanism" in everyone's mind through the case study, and only by removing the coat like a hedgehog can we get close to others, get close to ourselves, and understand our real needs in our relationships.

The more you want to protect yourself, the more likely you are to be hostile to others. The more hostile you are to others, the less happy you are.

Chen Zilan, "I have a hedgehog in my heart"

(Extended reading: Psychological test | wear masks to protect themselves?) Measure how strong your defense mechanism is!

Invitation from the editor

Honey, do you like the books recommended this month? Hopefully, through these five good books, you will find the right practice and a comfortable way to get along in different relationships.

Any topic you would like to see and understand, welcome to women's fans IG private message us. If this month's editor's choice, after you read any resonance, ideas, welcome to their community to share reading ideas, and hashtag #迷人共讀, your content will have the opportunity to be forwarded to the women's fan IG, or included in the women's fan site article, then we next month "fascinating read together" goodbye!