At the end of 2021, Wang Lihong's divorce incident unfolded in the direction that people least expected. We see a "King of Asia" protecting himself with the "mother-in-law problem" that is the most common in popular dramas and men are not responsible, and we see Li Lianglei's self-empowering voice of regaining.
In the middle of the night two days after Wang Lihong announced the divorce news, seeing that her ex-husband abandoned the promise of "Protecting the Two" as the premise, Li Lianglei decided that she would no longer give the right to speak and entrust it to qiandu's life partner. After 8 years, nearly 3,000 days, at one o'clock in the morning, she decided to press the send button and confess to the public about the life she had experienced after 8 years of marriage, and regain her voice.
Li Lianglei's article said that it is not strange to women, which is the dilemma that women will still experience after countless sexual movements. Marriage and children, housework, childcare responsibilities, all fall on women by default. For example, women choose to avoid the dilemma of burning candles at both ends and take housework management as their profession, people say that you are conservative and not modern enough; on the contrary, you work hard in the workplace, and you are often the main caregiver of housework, and you have to take care of it.
Husbands share the responsibility for "helping" and "God's teammates", and women or mothers can never "just be God's teammates", she must always be "God Captain".
Li Lianglei, the captain who gave birth to three children, saw through it, and after the divorce, she spoke up for herself. Her higher education enabled her to clearly count the injuries she had suffered, to discern the scientific names of the injuries, and to summon other female pains that Li Lianglei did not know how to tell.
The "Long Article of Destruction" in the mouth of the media: It is Wang Lihong who destroys himself, not Li Lianglei's pen
After Li Lianglei's experience self-report articles, such as Google Wang Lihong and Li Lianglei, they were sent into the eye to see Li Lianglei's self-descriptions as "destructive long articles", "counterattacks", "shelling", and "breaking news".
From a patriarchal perspective, the mainstream media sees that "Wang Lihong's image is destroyed", not "Li Lianglei's self-empowerment/regaining voice", "the golden boy's personality is damaged", not "Li Lianglei is no longer hidden".
Compared with Li Lianglei's encounter, the golden boy is even more lost in the discussion. And Li Lianglei sorted out the tragic sound of the two people getting acquainted, in love and marriage to suddenly realizing, and finding herself the "protagonist of a patriarchal horror story", which was flattened as "a kind of exposé attack and revenge".
In fact, in Li Lianglei's self-statement declaration, she spent at least a full page talking about not individual encounters, but women's collective plight, through her own experience, clearly sorting out the almost eternal weak position of wife and mother in the gender structure.
"Whether it is a woman of the past or a modern era, choosing to give wholeheartedly to the family is essentially an unpaid job, a 24-hour multi-role (nanny/teacher/cleaning aunt/driver/partner/special assistant). The pay for the job should be summed up, plus the opportunity cost of not working outside the home in your capacity, which should be the salary that the housewife deserves through her own efforts, not given or given." ——Li Lianglei
"The housewives around me, many of whom do not have their own savings or income in their accounts, usually feel embarrassed with the money earned by my husband, and I will look at my husband's face with money." If women talk about money, they will be condemned by society as a city servant or question whether they are gold worshippers." ——Li Lianglei
Most Chinese people grew up under the sacrifices of many mothers of the previous generation, and women's family roles and images, such as "holy women" if their mothers do not ask for returns, are evil people with ulterior calculations. Divorce must be clean, prove personality, prove backbone, not want to "take advantage of the opportunity to make a profit".
In the company, it is illegal to not pay wages during labor, and it is a matter of course for labor to recover unpaid wages. But housework is the opposite logic, and the party who is owed must not be pursued, must be put down, swallow the loss and leave, which is the justice expected by society.
Source| Li Lianglei Public Declaration IG
Mother-in-law problem, mother-in-law - do you not see the absence of two generations of men?
From Li Liangleiwen, it can be seen that in order to comply with the expectations of the original family, her ex-husband Wang Lihong once had a melancholy tendency, approaching the age of forty, he still believes that he has no control. He wants to make a choice that is contrary to his parents' expectations, is unwilling to fight for communication by himself, and wants his wife to fight for his rights that he does not dare to fight for.
The problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often the absence of the son, the problem of parent-child communication is not solved, it is transferred to the partner, so that the daughter-in-law as a third party involved in the parent-child relationship, all the problems seem to be natural and intuitive and attributable, "it is the thought she brings, it is her encouragement."
After all, the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is more of a communication problem between "son as husband" and "mother", and in our social language, there is no "mother-in-law problem", it is always "mother-in-law".
Li Lianglei did not attack her mother-in-law in the article, and she clearly pointed out that in this script and state, the confrontation between women is a false issue, and in Wang Lihong's "mother-in-law problem" declaration, it is not only her who carries the black pot, but also Wang Lihong's mother.
Everyone was angry about Li Lianglei, and many people called Wang Lihong "Ma Bao". Few people think that the process of men becoming mothers has a lot to do with the long-term absence of their fathers, who are also family members, and family education is also responsible for at least half of the responsibility. In our language, family responsibilities are tilted towards the female end, only "ma bao" is described, not "father is missing treasure" (of course, regardless of gender, derogatory references are not encouraged).
In the naming language of identifying family problems, it seems that men can always see the beginning and the end, as if they are absent, always absent, irresponsible in the vocabulary, and can disappear naturally.
"Ignorant, stupid and naïve" blames the victim for starting the hand
Li Lianglei's complete self-description, finally mentioning her ex-husband's long-term betrayal and deception, a long list of shocking eyes, the mainstream media picked up as hunting and fishy reporting material. Below the news, many people pointed out, "Why do these women know OOO and endure it for so long?" There are also many people who say that they can't be blamed for not knowing people clearly before marriage.
The same argument has appeared repeatedly in sexual assault victims and domestic violence victims. Although the reader steps on a non-existent omniscient position to speak, it is safe to feel, but the fact is that this kind of blame for the victim's speech does not equally place the responsibility on the victim, and makes people dare not show up to tell their experiences when they encounter similar situations. Even if this is "hindsight" for you and me as readers, it is also the fastest awareness and action that the person can do for himself.
"Feeling as if" is hurt and "acknowledging confirmation" is hurt, which is often a process that cannot go hand in hand, because extreme pain, experiencing cognitive dissonance, will inevitably produce jet lag.
When Li Lianglei saw clearly and understood, looking back at the first half of her life from a more objective point of view, she found that what she wanted to say, her own voice, her own justice, had to be said by herself, and no one could rely on her to go for her. The only one who can serve for himself is himself.
No longer expect others, all you want, you have to be able to ask for it yourself, to say it yourself, this is Li Lianglei's painful marriage graduation thesis and graduation declaration. We must sincerely wish that after she leaves, she will have more strength and freedom, and will not have to sacrifice herself to fulfill the image of the King of Asia and achieve the dream of others to "heal the world with music"; as a woman, as a mother, if she can be more courageous to complete and heal herself, collectively, the world can begin to generate great healing power.