If you don't fall in love, you lose your eligibility for happiness? Takahashi and Kishii Yukino starred in "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other", speaking for the asexual: if you don't fall in love, you can live happily!
Have you ever wondered why humans "fall in love"? Why is most of the drama singing about love? Is love really so important, a necessity for life?
For the protagonist of "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other", Love is like another heterogeneous world, when her classmates were gossiping about love when she was a student, she didn't understand or have interest at all. People always tell her, "When you meet the right person, you'll know." It seems that one day the aliens will drive a spaceship to pick her up and take her forward in a different dimension.
She once tried to associate with people, thinking that as long as the values are similar and comfortable to get along with, it is called love. It wasn't until after the relationship that she found that she didn't feel sexual attraction in others, didn't want to possess each other, and couldn't respond to the "love" of others for her.
It wasn't until she met Takahashi that she discovered that she was a "asexual with no romantic tendencies" – she couldn't feel the romantic attraction of others and didn't want to pursue romantic relationships.
No romantic tendencies does not mean that there is no need for love, or that there is no desire for the company of others. Fearing loneliness, Misaki proposes to Takahashi, who is also an asexual and solitary, that the two live together to form a "non-love family relationship".
NHK's Japanese drama "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other" explores asexuality on the spectrum of sexual orientation in just 8 episodes, each episode of 30 minutes. If you don't talk about love, you can also have solid happiness.
The picture | stills of "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other"
1. Asexuality is a link in the spectrum of sexual orientation, and it has many faces
"Asexuality" is part of the spectrum of sexual orientation and is considered to be the fourth sexual orientation in addition to heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality.
In 2004, Canadian scholar Anthony Bogaert published a paper titled "Asexual Population: A National Sample Survey of the Distribution of Asexual Populations and Related Factors", which officially marked asexuality and concluded that about 1% of the population is asexual.
In the play, Misaki attends a party of asexuals, only to find that in asexuality, there are also a variety of appearances, such as: some people want to be in love but do not want to have sex; some people do not want to fall in love but want children; some people do not need to fall in love but still find a partner who can be an emergency contact; there are also people who put question marks on their asexuality, he is not sure, is this temporary or permanent?
Just like the rainbow is not a distinct patch of color, but a gradual layer and intertwined beauty, the gender is also diverse and rich.
(Extended reading: "biological sex" and "gender identity", have you heard of the gender spectrum? ）
The picture | stills of "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other"
2. Asexuality is an innate tendency that has nothing to do with family background or past experiences
We often hear the saying that homosexuals have been "bent" into gay because they were too deeply hurt by the opposite sex in the past. Some people will use such an idea to apply to asexuals, thinking that they have become asexual because of family experiences and past relationships, and they have lost confidence in love.
Implicit in this idea is heterosexualism, which holds that only heterosexuality is correct and that all other sexual orientations are "flawed" or "forced to become".
But we see in the play that the family is happy and happy, from a young age, can not understand love, she does not have an unfortunate past, or a key event that has been affected, but born this way, a natural nature.
(Same scene: A "other" person: Do you still believe in the gender spectrum? ）
The picture | stills of "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other"
3. Love is a fluid concept that changes with the context of the times
In the play, there is a "love supremacist", Misko's colleague and ex-boyfriend Matsuoka, like most people, always likes love gossip and associates everything with love.
Unable to understand the non-love relationship between a man and a woman, takahashi pestered him and asked, "Don't you have sex drive when you live with Misaki?" "Are you 'the one'?" "Or is there something wrong with you 'there'?"
Takahashi told him, "The first time the word 'in love' appeared in Japan was during the Meiji period, and before that there was no concept of love. Love changes with the times and regions, and it is absolutely impossible to apply this concept of constant flow to all human beings."
Matsuoka slowly understood that the "normal" and "ordinary" in his mind could not be imposed on others, and not everything was related to love.
(Guess you're curious: "Watch gay A-movies and write about your feelings!") What is the general sex class from "too" to "good reputation"? ）
4. Asexuality does not equal ruthlessness, but also fear of loneliness, can also love others, but also heartbreak
Asexuals don't mean they won't be lonely and don't need companionship, as Misaki confesses:
"If I don't fall in love, I'll probably have to be alone for the rest of my life." I don't like to live alone, and the thought of having to live alone from now on makes me feel very lonely." Regardless of sexual orientation, loneliness is a normal feeling for every human being.
The picture | stills of "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other"
Asexuality does not mean that there will be no lover, but that kind of love, not the worldly definition of love, more like the love of the family, or the love of the soul mate. No need for intimacy, commitment, passion, but closer to the deep blessing of "I care about you, I want you to be happy".
Of course, asexuals can also be heartbroken, and when Misaki finds that she can't respond to her ex-boyfriend, or the best friend's love, she is deeply sorry and deeply distressed, and "can't love" also brings them hardship.
(Recommended reading: Gender Observation | analyze the four major characteristics to determine whether you are "intellectual"? ）
5. Families that have nothing to do with love also have their own happiness
Takahashi and Misaki, trying to form a non-loving family, challenge the traditional definition of family: "Can only two people who love each other become a family?"
Takahashi and Misaki have more "respect" because they don't have love, and there is no "you are a boy, so you should..." "Because I love you, so I can..."
They know each other better by writing questionnaires; clarify the scope of the division of labor and family affairs, and take on the responsibility of caring for the family together; communicate directly when the other party steps on the bottom line, without extorting each other with emotions; how to explain each other's relationship with the outside world and discuss and exchange ideas well.
When others did not understand their choice, Takahashi said, "We are trying to form a happy family in our own way." "We're more like teammates than our families." Without a secular framework, all self-made relationships do have a unique happiness.
The picture | stills of "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other"
6. It doesn't matter if you can't accept it, just keep all the possibilities in mind
LGBTQIA+ has begun to flood into the public eye in recent years, and may still be an incomprehensible concept for many people. For all kinds of relationships that cannot be defined by the traditional framework, it is normal to be temporarily unacceptable, which means that the base model we used to use to recognize the world in the past has not yet produced this circuit to process this new information, so it is normal to feel confused and rejected.
Perhaps, as Takahashi said, you don't have to force yourself to accept it, "Just let the topic end with 'There is such a person, there is such a thing'." 」 It doesn't matter if you keep that possibility in your heart and treat it as a strange thing, as long as you don't discriminate and hurt.
If you are a person who feels loneliness and pain because of your own uniqueness, please also put this sentence of The Sakako in your heart: "Some people may point fingers at our happiness, but don't forget - only I am qualified, judge my life, only I am qualified, determine my happiness." 」
People who are not in love can also have happiness, please remember.
(You'll love: The Daily Life of asexuals: We Have a Platonic Heart of a Lover)
The picture | stills of "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other"
Excerpt from the golden sentence "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other":
"I'm just not in love, so why should I be looked down upon?"
"What is the basis for the idea that it is necessary to have a family to grow up and to have children to grow up?"
"It is absolutely impossible to apply the concept of love, which is fluid and constantly changing, to all mankind!" 」
"The things that matter most to us may change in the future, and we just have to make the best decisions in the moment."
"Some people may point fingers at our happiness, but don't forget – only I am qualified, judging my life, only I am qualified, determining my happiness." 」