Self-limitation is like an invisible wall, always invisible to become a counterforce to hinder my breakthrough of boundaries, when life is always creeping forward on the track of "traces to follow", sometimes we forget that we actually have the possibility of standing and walking or even running.
Interview with Xuanyan Cultural and Creative Publisher takes you through the analysis of your own "inertia", find a "way" to break through the comfort zone, and break out of the framework of restrictive thinking by resisting demons!
"Restriction" can be said to be the word that best represents human society in 2020.
When we lost the freedom to move under the ravages of the epidemic, the circle of life began to shrink because of fear and norms, the connection with others gradually decreased, and the space for activity began to compress inwards; and while the door of the country was closed, people's adventurous spirit of imagining the distant places and rushing to the far places began to be restricted.
Detention is sometimes accompanied by a little helplessness and compulsion; imprisonment often occurs within the state of necessity.
In the great era of isolation and the chaotic world situation, how can we break through the boundaries of thinking by changing our own thinking mode, and lead ourselves to find the greatest common denominator between ourselves and our ideal life in limited space, time and opportunity?
Liu Xuan, who is also a psychology writer, DJ and music worker, discussed how to break through the framework of "restrictive thinking", find a wonderful life, find a breakthrough in the "boundaries" identified by herself, find new stimuli and paths, and respond to the restrictions caused by the blockade with broad thinking and unfettered vision in the post-epidemic era.
Images | provided by the author
Demons are often given to themselves
On Tuesday afternoon, when I met Teacher Liu Xuan on video, across the screen, I could still feel that his voice was penetrating and magnetic, much like those words, which were sent from deeper and deeper psychological beliefs than the position of the voice, so it had a great penetrating persuasiveness.
Talking about the moment when "restrictive thinking" pokes out a small corner in life, Liu Xuan laughed and said that the first story happened a few days ago, going on vacation with his family, and at night, his son was lying on the bed in the hotel room, sleeping very close to the corner of the bed, so his wife patted Liu Xuan and asked: "Do you want to push him a little, otherwise he will turn over and get out of bed when he sleeps."
Liu Xuan thought about it and said that his sons were already ten years old, and he would not turn over the bed.
Sure enough, the ten-year-old child slept sweetly and comfortably all night, and there was no sign of falling out of bed, which triggered a series of discussions between Liu Xuan and his wife: "In the end, why do children turn over when they are young, but gradually they will not get out when they grow up?" 」
Liu Xuan mentioned: "To answer this question, instead of looking for a scientific solution, we tend to think: we all seem to be like this, how big the world was when we were born, full of infinite possibilities and imaginations, that chaotic state also represents boundless and boundless, and later, when we began to know that this is a bed, this is a chair, that is a table, we are actually knowing all kinds of boundaries."
As we begin to understand the rules of the world and accept the so-called "habits", "shoulds" or "necessities", it is easier to ignore that there are many landscapes in this world, which actually come from creation and chance.
"So, how do we learn the boundaries of life?" Liu Xuan asked a question, and then answered himself:
"In fact, these boundaries often come from the growth process, including the original family, school, they all tell us what kind of person you are, what you may be able to do in the future, and in this process, many children's childhood is not purely positive, they are easy to be 'corrected' and 'standardized' again and again in the process of losing their original imagination, self-confidence and risk-taking spirit, they have not been told, you can actually do a lot of things, your potential is more powerful than you imagined." 」
(Extended reading: Liu Xuan's special article | You always have the right to choose in the face of emotions, don't become an emotional prisoner )
Among them, eastern school education almost plays a killer role.
"I always remember that when my daughter was very young, there was a math paper with one square after another, with all kinds of fruits and objects in it, to guide the child in arithmetic, there was a problem, there was nothing in the grid, so my daughter was very precious to draw three fish in it, and wrote "3" in the answer bar, and the teacher hit a big "fork"." 」 Liu Xuan said that when the teacher said that it was not the correct answer, he felt that it was not right, the child drew what he wanted in the empty Gerry, and this answer was not wrong.
However, our education invisibly reinforces the importance of the so-called "standard answer", limits the space for "thinking" and "imagining", we understand the world through the A, B, C, D options in the classroom and exams day after day, and define ourselves at the same time, and when you continue to make mistakes in such a system, the frustration of being drawn a "fork" will last forever.
You always expect to see a tick and a hundred points of possibility in life's confusing multiple choice questions, but the so-called life, from beginning to end, is not just a multiple choice question.
There are many people who are self-limited and think, "That's the way my life is," and when they think about it, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Images | provided by the author
You are actually more eager to push the boundaries than you think
Life is often like this, it has no so-called standard answer, but we tend to think that the existence of "necessary" existence is justified in different situations, positions, ages and propositions.
For example, how old should you be, how old should you have your own family, how old should you have children, how old should you save to the first pot of gold in life, life under the restriction of "boundaries", there are many more shoulds and should nots, when these "non-inevitable necessities" become part of our consciousness, it is easy to take our lives into the box, and that box is the so-called "restrictive thinking".
"Restrictive thinking is not just the kind of self-limitation, inferiority complex, feeling stupid, I'm too young, I'm too young, but how big and resources we think our world is." 」
Liu Xuan mentioned that the most effective way to face such restrictive thinking is to inject new exercises into your brain through the four steps of consciousness, coexistence, change, and breakthrough, and open a new, large, small, wide, and narrow door for the framework.
(Master Course: Charming Club after work| Interview with He Zewen: What kind of job are you suitable for? Actually, you already have keywords in your heart)
This time, Liu Xuan and women fans jointly created "Breaking Through Self-Limiting Thinking and Finding a Wonderful Life!" The course is to lead students to understand the psychological characteristics of self-limiting thinking through a series of practical works and story guidance, and at the same time understand how restrictive thinking affects behavior and thinking logic, and then find out your self-limiting thinking framework, and finally lead everyone to learn ways to break through restrictive thinking.
In these seemingly blunt teaching methods, Liu Xuan mentioned that in fact, in daily life, we can all try to lead ourselves out of the existing framework through a simple exercise, which is called - getting out of the comfort zone.
"It's simple to say, but it's not simple to do in practice," Liu Xuan said with a smile, around our lives, there are several different dimensions of the comfort zone, panic circle, learning circle, etc., which will bring us different feelings, experiences and possibilities, people often think that human beings should instinctively reject the "breaking out of the comfort zone" This kind of jumping out of the existing inertia behavior, but the positive psychology experiment through the interview with strangers on the MRT Passers-by results, but pointed in a completely different direction.
"Most people think that once a stranger comes to talk, it is bound to be bad, disliked, or even embarrassing, but after actually going to work, they find that most of the subjects who have a connection with passers-by say that they like and enjoy the interaction with strangers." 」
Liu Xuan said that rejecting the existing framework is a rather interesting self-perception, most of us like, enjoy, and relax in our own bubbles, and think that it is not good for others to touch and invade my bubbles.
In the same way, I don't imagine challenging, touching, and breaking through other people's bubbles, but there are quite a lot of actual research data that tells us: wrong, in fact, human beings are quite fond of communicating with people and creating links.
Images | provided by the author
You can also make small talk with the Nobel Prize winner in literature: Hey, I actually hate Tang poetry
When it comes to the so-called first step to breaking through restrictive thinking, consciousness is quite important.
"When I was at Harvard, I used to go to the parties held by the professors," Liu Xuan said of the Harvard past, still with the curiosity and excitement of his youth, he said: "Just like cocktail parties, everyone holds a glass of wine, there are all kinds of different people gathered around, you never know who you will meet." 」 I will always remember going to a party, and when I arrived at the scene, I met an old gentleman with white hair, who was very nice, and talked to me about pop and hip hop, while sharing with me that he liked Chinese Tang poems very much."
Liu Xuan said, as if he were once again in the scene of the dialogue, sharing: "I didn't think about it at that time, I shared it with the old gentleman, in fact, Tang poetry is like a nightmare for most Chinese children, because we are always forced to memorize the content of those poems, the old man listened to me, smiled and said that you should think more about the beautiful language and structure, we are so gossipy for a while."
It wasn't until the end of the conversation, when a friend came forward to talk to Liu Xuan, that he learned that the person who was chatting with Liu Xuan was Actually Seamus Heaney, the Nobel Prize winner in literature that year.
"My friend could hardly believe that I could have such a lively conversation with a Nobel laureate in literature." Liu Xuan laughed and said that in hindsight, if he had known The title and identity of Summers long before he stepped into that party, would he have been able to talk to him so easily about how much he hated Tang Shi when he was a child, "I think it should be difficult." Liu Xuan lost the answer to himself, and also threw a warning signal for our restrictive thinking.
(You will like: Liu Xuan's special article | Mindfulness Meditation Practice: Living with Emotions and Accepting Yourself in Every Moment)
"Many times, we are limited by our own imagination, we want to imagine what kind of socio-economic status of the other party, so we can not say anything, or we should, should not say anything, the biggest inspiration for me in the years of studying at Harvard is that there is really no shortage of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon around, but we can still have a basic attitude, so that we can maintain the same mentality and the same respect for everyone, so as not to be affected by our own rigid thinking, miss the opportunity to expand our horizons and communicate widely." 」
Back to the present, in the past 2 to 3 years, the epidemic has restricted our actions and caused physical alienation between people; Taiwan is facing a lockdown, the space has become smaller, the world has become smaller, and the actual boundaries of our lives and the scope of our actions have undergone considerable changes.
However, especially at such moments, our minds cannot be limited along with the boundaries of movement.
"To paraphrase an old saying, poverty limits our imagination, in the same way, our poor contact with the world should not limit our imagination, we must prepare ourselves for a more open state of mind, to face the current life; once the world returns to the normal track, then, we will return to the outside world again, and we will be more able to have an open vision and mind to accept the opportunities and challenges offered by life." 」
Images | provided by the author
Courses about women's fans
Create essential thinking for you, say goodbye to confusion, become your own navigator, and create a new pattern of self-leadership!
- [Charming Life] Three Lessons: Live Your Wonderful Self
- [Charming Life] 05 / 24 Liu Xuan takes you to break through self-limiting thinking and find a wonderful life! (Hands-on Course)
Q: Teacher Liu Xuan opened "Breaking Through Self-Limiting Thinking and Finding a Wonderful Life!" in Women's Fandom! 》Course, what methods are expected to lead everyone to learn?
I myself am a student of psychology, and I will inevitably come up with some theories so that everyone can better understand "restrictive thinking", and there will be some stories, which can be used to make everyone understand what kind of situation and state, we are more likely to be affected by our own restrictive thinking, because understanding and being able to be conscious is the first step to a breakthrough.
Q: Will Teacher Liu Xuan have any exclusive content or cooperation in the women's fan class?
This is the first time I have spent such a long time to explore the topic of breaking through restrictive thinking, so the content of the course in women's fans will all be customized, specialized and exclusive course content, and I will combine my past psychology major with the experience of leading workshops in the past, plus the guidance of the story, leading everyone to understand, explore, and try to crack their own "restrictive thinking".
Q: Why did Teacher Liu Xuan choose to open this class in women's fans this time?
Previously in contact with women fans, I have understood the "after-work charming club" syllabus, on the one hand, feel that self-growth, personal brand-related content, in fact, many teachers can provide good teaching and materials, on the other hand, from the "charming club" a series of courses down, I always feel that I can make up for this piece, this class is quite suitable for the "charming club" planning, but also can provide students involved in the series of courses, there is a better connection up and down, I can understand myself more completely, better live out the fascinating appearance of the essence, and I think this is the value I can provide here.