In the spring of the thirtieth year, although it was two years later than the original plan, The first treasure of Yanshu came, "Yunda", and the following summer, "Yun'er" also landed on the earth, and suddenly became a mother of double treasures, how did she continue her beloved acting work in childcare daily life, study for the realization of dreams, engage in writing and even set up a foster association, to see how she did it?
| Katymama
We always think that the "magic" that can conjure up more time comes from knowing how to allocate time, knowing how to switch roles at the right time. But in this interview, we got a different answer than before.
She said that in fact, it is not to divide and let time divide your life, but to think about how I can live a complete life today.
I don't even have time to sleep, where do I have time to exercise and dream
In the first six months of becoming a mother, the most difficult thing for me to overcome was the sleep problem, which should be a challenge that many parents of newborns will encounter.
If you don't get enough sleep every day, it's really hard to maintain a positive attitude. All the time after giving birth to a child becomes the time of the child. Occasionally or a lot of times, you will wonder if you can sleep for a few hours in a row, this is normal, do not think about whether you do not know enough about how to use time.
"At this time, you go to sleep, and when you are full of sleep, your mood will naturally be much better!" "But if you really care about the point, it is not at all solved by sleeping enough, just complaining and saying the phrase 'I don't even have time to sleep' will not let you get rid of the anxiety of not having enough time, it will only open a lot of unnecessary quarrels, and your partner will still not know what you really want." 」
Images | courtesy of Jane's Book
As a person who has come over, Yanshu would like to suggest that new parents can adopt a softer attitude and appeal to their partners in this period of easy depression, on the other hand, they must also actively find out what the real cause of irritability is, or what is the problem that prevents you from feeling happy and happy, and after finding it, think about how to deal with it, just don't let it go.
Speaking of which, we are also curious, when there is a disagreement with teammates and a conflict of approach, how does Yanshu usually solve it?
Yan Shu said that mentally, she and her husband regard everything in the family as their own business, are willing to learn, only in this way, both sides can have the ability of "one dozen two", not too dependent on either party; in parenting, the two are both partners and classmates, learning together, may have to try, to know whose way is more appropriate. When there is a disagreement, you can also establish a tacit understanding, at least not in front of the child, negating the other party's opinion.
Images | courtesy of Jane's Book
Sometimes mothers sometimes themselves? I am what I am, so why make a distinction
Even if you become a mother, you really won't catch the direction at once, and occasionally you will lose yourself, and you can't find the balance between whether you should take care of yourself or your children.
On this point, YanShu said it very well, she said, "In fact, we don't necessarily need to distinguish between ourselves in the workplace, ourselves as mothers, or ourselves when neither of the above, this kind of thinking is too divided, it should be in any situation' 'I am me, I give, I feel, I get'." 」
She also mentioned that family and work are just as important, that is a part of life, do not forget that "I" is the executor of the usual kinds, so for the time planning problem, especially in the past few years after organizing the family, she said that she has become very accustomed to making reservations for several key projects and private trips, first arrange the known parts as much as possible, and then open up various possibilities for the rest of the time.
"To make the space of the heart more flexible should be to let me conjure up more magic for more time." 」 Yan Shu smiled and shared.
"Although I plan many things in advance, I do this to keep my heart more resilient. At first glance, it may sound a bit contradictory, but the truth is, I know that no matter how carefully planned, it is still impossible to go exactly according to the plan, but at least I can grasp in real time in the process, assess whether it deviates from the plan, how much deviation, is it too late to correct? In this way, my heart will make room for coping with situations that are not on the plan."
The purpose of planning is to keep the heart more elastic, the heart has space, that is, I can conjure up more time magic.
(Extended reading: Interview with Jane: We are blessed with birth, but when we die, there may not be someone to accompany us)
Mom's Magic: Growing through trial and error, trying out ways
Becoming a mother, in fact, is learning, rare to get together, always want to exchange each other's parenting copy, I asked the smart book, do you have any parenting tips, let you think that this is really effective?
What if you interact with your child, you must be different from adults, you can't communicate, or your child won't sleep? Yanshu said that each child's innate temperament and personality are different, I am afraid that there is no absolutely useful method, and there are differences in whether the children in the family are one, two or three.
Do parents want to communicate with their children, or do they just want them to do what we want, clarify the purpose first, and start from the purpose to establish a good parent-child interaction.
Yan Shu said that her little trick is to observe carefully.
"When the child is still young and the life and interpersonal relationships are relatively simple, it is the stage that is most worth the parents' attention and time to observe. Consciously observe your child's reaction after each event and what kind of feedback your response brings. Slowly you will figure out how you can interact comfortably with your child and find the sweet spot of parenting."
Images | courtesy of Jane's Book
With Yanshu's own experience sharing, the same situation problem, the way Yunda and Yun'er deal with it, must be different.
"For example, if a child wants to eat a snack, Yunda is relatively easy to communicate with, just say to her, 'Not now, when you finish dinner, you can eat this biscuit." 」 But Yun Er is not like this, the same answer, she may cry for more than half an hour, in the face of different children's different reactions, the way of communication can only be adjusted in observation.
Every child has his or her own unique personality. Principles remain the same, but the way of coordination can change.
For example, Yun Er's personality is more persistent, and it takes longer for her emotions to calm down than her sister.
"In the case of snacking, we looked at her personality and found a way that suited her, putting all the snacks she wanted to eat in front of her or letting her hold them, but still eating the meal well before eating snacks. In this way, the parent's principles in the meal have not changed, and the child can feel that her needs are understood."
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Every mother is a "magician of love", and it is good to be a woman in this life
Children for me are the fate that enriches the journey of life, and they are also the strongest masters who accept the results of cultivation.
At the beginning of being a mother, it seems to be practicing magic, one time to conjure up time, one to conjure up food, and suddenly become a mother who can conjure up anything, in fact, these are the magic of love!
In the process of becoming mothers, we will develop a rich sense of responsibility, tolerance and love, and the power that can bring this magic is still love.
Images | courtesy of Jane's Book
At the end of the interview, Yanshu also wants to share the power of such love with readers who are also mothers or are thinking about whether to become mothers:
"Regardless of who you are now, whether you have become a mother or not, please love, cherish yourself, guard your soft and tough heart, and be proud of it, this is the most precious gift from God to us." 」 You will find that it is great to be a woman in this life!" 」