Lisa Kwong, Director of Taiwan Nonviolent Communication Co., Ltd., has been mentored by more than ten international nonviolent communication trainers. Candidates who have passed the International Intensive Training of the American Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) and the CERTIFIed Trainer of the American Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) and have taught in Taiwan and China.

Liberation from violent communication leads to more new choices in life

If we ask Ms. Kwong, what is "nonviolent communication" for teachers? She would say:

"Nonviolent communication has shown me that I have a wide variety of options."

Since 2012, Kwong's life has been closely linked to "non-violent communication" for 10 years now. The inspiration is to bring "liberation" to the teacher – liberation from what he or others should do!

In fact, there are many accusations and complaints hidden in people's communication, and this communication method can easily lead to more negative thinking. For example, if the other person accuses himself of "How can you be so stupid, how can you think so?" :

  • If I think he's right, I'll also fall into self-blame and feel bad;
  • If I think he's wrong, I'll blame him for going back, or even refusing to communicate outright.

Two communication methods like the above will fall into a negative cycle, and the goal of "nonviolent communication" is to get rid of it, see "more choices" in communication, understand the information that others want to convey, empathize with the needs that follow, and smoothly express their own thoughts and feelings.

Photo | Photo by Ushico on PIXTA

If you were asked "How are you?" how would you respond?

Teacher Kwong Lijun pointed out that in the past, some of the communication courses she had studied were biased toward psychology, which was difficult to understand and difficult to use; some were biased towards skills and used words to persuade others; and some were blindly flattering.

However, true communication should be about promoting relationships between people, especially oneself and oneself!

For example, when someone asks us, "How are you?"

We often say, "It's okay." This is not revealing one's own state of life at this moment.

If we use "nonviolent communication" to disassemble this question, we will know that the meaning of this sentence is that the other party wants to know what our living life is at this moment, and to think in this way is to encourage ourselves to express our feelings and needs in the moment.

Similarly, when we ask someone, "How are you?" At that time, we also want to know what the other person's living life is at this moment, so we also guess the other person's current feelings and needs.

Through such dismantling and practice again and again, the communication between people can produce qualitative leaps and more intimate relationships.

(Extended reading: [Picking up the Year with Inheritance, True Anniversary] Times Lecture Hall "Relationship Communication": Nonviolent communication, connecting each other's emotions together!

Photo | Photo by Adeolu Eletu on Unsplash

If Will. Smith studied "nonviolent communication", what would he do?

When it comes to the practical application of this course, there is actually material all around. Teacher Kwong Lijun took the recent Oscar current events as an example:

Recently, there was an unexpected episode at the 94th Academy Awards ceremony, and the host Chris. Chris Rock teases Will Smith's wife, Jeda Apple. Jada Pinkett Smith's bald head, jokingly called Jada's style, can star in "The Devil's Soldier G.I. Jane".

Jada rolled her eyes as she listened offstage, and after her husband Will had spoken profanely several times, she rushed to the stage and slapped the host Locke, returning to her seat still angry, and her mouth constantly shouted at Locke.

Jieda suffered from years of alopecia, the top of the head appeared obvious loss marks, forming a very similar to the appearance of round baldness, has been very distressed about this, not only not good-looking, but also difficult to do styling, and finally listen to the advice of her daughter, pluck up the courage to shave all the hair, end the long-term struggle with hair loss.

But if Will. Did Smith learn about "nonviolent communication"?

When he hears the host say excessive jokes, he can choose to go on stage and express it to the host like this:

"When I heard you say that Jayda could star in G.I. Jane, I felt angry and sorry because I valued that everyone can be respected at this ceremony, would you like to say to my wife Jada publicly now, 'I'm sorry, I lost my word, I'm willing to take that sentence back', okay?"

Teacher Kwong Lijun is worried that if we take violent acts against unpleasant words, the society will be disorderly, and it will strengthen the teacher's intention to open a "non-violent communication" course.

(Incident added: Women fans watch Oscar | "Just a joke, why seriously?") Will Smith beats up Chris Rock, what's wrong?

Photo | Photo by Tanya Trofymchuk on Unsplash

Change the habit of speaking, be aware of the 4 elements, from dichotomy to learning to speak well

When our language uses the "dichotomy", we often divide each other's words into right and wrong, right and wrong, good and bad, should... these are easy to produce alienation between people, and even conflicts in serious cases.

But this way of speaking is not our nature, it is learned from the past from family, school and society, so this is also where the current environment can be improved, and the improvement starts from ourselves.

"Nonviolent communication" teaches us to return to human nature, which is to give compassionately, so nonviolent communication can also be called compassionate communication.  

We will practice being aware of our blind spots and move our way of speaking from dichotomy to using the following 4 elements:

  1. observe
  2. feel
  3. need
  4. request

Through awareness, the connection with oneself, the connection with others, is completed, and the relationship between man and man becomes harmonious.

Women often play an important role in controlling the atmosphere in society, if the family is harmonious, the hostess must be indispensable, so Teacher Kwong Lijun is very fond of sharing this communication method with women.

Most of the users of women's fans are women, and they are also highly interested in self-exploration, learning, and growth, with the interactive teaching that teachers are good at, directly taking the daily communication difficulties of the on-site students to do drills, leading the students to recognize and actually use "non-violent communication", which can play a multiplier effect with half the effort.