People's obsession with "perfection" may come from the original family, which may bring us pain... but please remember that you are your most solid backing, always have you, clap your hands and encourage the best of yourself!
Wu Jianying Chloe, the founder of Love Psychology, gradually awakened in yoga, spiritual practice and personal travel, and began to recognize the mission of life at the age of 29, firmly helping others.
He has been in the business management consulting community, hospitals and schools, and constantly engaged in the work of helping others grow, and set up a women's growth studio to help women explore their inner and be braver to themselves. He is the author of "Illustrating the Psychology of Adults", "Be Your Best Companion", and "Relationship Boundaries".
Photo courtesy of Wu Jianying |
Persistent perfectionism may stem from a lack of self-confidence
Is there really a perfect person in the world? For most people, the answer to this question should be to shake their heads, because in addition to too many definitions, people have their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is really difficult to define what is "perfect".
So why would anyone want to be "perfect" and look at this almost inaccessible goal and feel pain in the process? Wu Xiaoying observed this phenomenon in a "self-confidence improvement training class" course held many years ago and came to her own conclusions.
In that class, the students had different abilities, and they were all admired for their profession and achievements, and they were willing to come to class, and their attitude was particularly serious.
However, those students who are already excellent in the eyes of others show common traits: low self-confidence, picky that they still have many bad points, and achievements that still do not meet their own standards... these all make them feel pain in life.
Later, under further analysis, Wu Found that the source of the students' pain was "perfectionism".
Photo courtesy of Wu Jianying |
"I asked them to write perfectionist scales, and it turned out that each of them scored very high!" It turns out that too high perfectionism is easy to make people lack self-confidence, because no matter how hard they try, the goal is too high to be achieved.
This obsession with perfection may come from a family of origin, self-loathing, or the desire to be liked by others, setting unreasonable high standards and even affecting physical and mental conditions.
In this regard, Wu Jianying deeply feels the same way, and knows in many years of experience that she can help the students, one of which is to "let him see that he is too high standards", and reduce the anxiety between people, and most importantly - to start from liking yourself!
Knowing why you want to be perfect is more important than being truly perfect
I can help the students, that's because I really understand the pain points of the students, Wu Xiaoying shared with us, she was also confused.
When she wrote the perfectionist scale before, she found that her "self-demand" standards were very high, and when she was surprised, she was also determined that she was a very strict person after deep consideration, but this requirement for perfection had a clear purpose.
"My strictness with myself actually helps me get to the way I want to be," Wu Saiding earnestly illustrates, "for example, I hope that I can become more and more top professionally, because I know that the influence of the top is what I crave." And because the more influence you have, the more people you can reach and help more people I think are suffering."
"Many people are actually very good at what they are capable of, but they don't know how to manage their lives and deal with the various relationships around them, which can hinder them from reaching their goals..."
She also laughed that this intention has a lot to do with her career choices, and she hopes to enable people who are in a state of no name and do not know what happens in life to reduce some pain and live the life they want.
Therefore, in fact, "perfectionism" cannot be said to be the root of all problems, but it depends on whether people clearly understand the direction and reasons for their own direction.
From anxiety and procrastination, to being aware of emotions to achieving things
Modern people's lives are infiltrated with too much anxiety, and anxiety is related to the "instability" of the self, for example: not sure whether they are good enough, and like themselves, these are easy to produce anxiety, but also more concerned about the eyes of others, resulting in fear and hesitation.
Wu Xiaoying explained that if this situation is coupled with perfectionism, it will make such people think that they are not ready and that the things they make will not be good enough; If things are not good enough, there is no way to like themselves, and this association makes them seem to be a little bit of an eye-catcher, and then there is no way to really execute things, and procrastination occurs."
Procrastination is actually a symptom that many people have, so we also ask more deeply about the dilemma of low efficiency, is there any solution?
She smiled and gave a solution: emotion.
"To put it bluntly, procrastination is a kind of inability to do it - not knowing what you are worried about, not knowing why you are not doing things." 」 Wu Jianying pointed out that this is all related to emotions, so if you can help everyone understand their emotions and overcome them, and detect the voices behind you that cheer you up, then many things can get rid of procrastination and even move forward.
She has been engaged in helping others for many years, hoping to teach everyone how to be their best companion and backing, so that the inner voice is more and more consistent, so that the consistency can help people achieve what they want!
Be aware of the life experience given by the original family and award yourself a life trophy
While Ms. Wu Jianying enthusiastically shared her teaching experience, we are also curious to know whether we have had any awareness in our own life experience on the road of helping people solve their difficulties over the years.
After only a few thoughts, she shared a little story about how she had done "art therapy" for her friends. When a friend asked her to paint a picture, she quickly drew what she wanted to be: a plant grew in the soil. After the painting, a friend asked her:
"What do you feel and what do you see?"
"I think in this plant it seems to be a little inclined, it seems to grow very badly, the branches are not dense enough, the roots are not deep enough, the stems are too thin... she mentions many of the things that she is not satisfied with the painting.
The friend said quietly, "Actually, I really couldn't see it at first, but you told me this to let me see it, but this plant, no matter how I look at it, I don't think it's as good as what you said."
At that time, Wu Jianying seemed to understand something.
The friend continued to dig deeper into the question, asking her if she was objectively examining her life, feeling that she had actually done a lot of things and completed a lot of things, but there was always a state of dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction in her heart.
So she fell into contemplation, and gradually recalled herself a long time ago, when she was still in middle school, and the outstanding highlights of the girl were not seen, but were denied by her family, classmates, and teachers, and she spent that period without appreciation.
"I was so impressed that my mother told me that if I got into the male daughter in high school, she would buy me a small suite next to the male girl," she said, smiling at us, telling the second story.
With the excitement of being admitted to the male daughter, the girl ran to ask her father, saying that her mother promised to send the suite, but what about the father? What you received was not any expectation, but a pour of cold water: "Can you get into high school?"
"In many stages of my life, I often felt my father's sense of denial about himself, and that sense of denial was rooted deeply and deeply... I felt as if I was not too satisfied with many things that were accomplished." 」 Aware of the influence of her original family, she began to think about what is the life that she can really be satisfied with and satisfy?
Wu Xiaoying came back to us from the story, and we experienced her life course together.
If you are not satisfied with your life for a long time, you will be in a very painful state. So she reminds every reader and student to have a way to re-understand themselves and remind themselves that they have actually done a lot of things.
The trophy of life should be awarded by yourself, if the early life experience is not well praised, then start from yourself, become your most solid backing, always have you, clap your hands and encourage the best yourself!