If you feel stuck, confused, and hesitant, you actually have the answer in your heart. Any decision has a loss, and so does not decide. Not being satisfied is a rare thing. Listen to Xu Fangyi talk about letting go and going on the road, talking about the body dominating life, and all the happiness we need.

Before the interview, the editor met Xu Fangyi on other occasions and told me that Xu Fangyi was very friendly and warm, and she was more petite than expected. Driven by a swallow-like light body and simple bags, Xu Fangyi took off and landed, and in the Martha Graham Dance Troupe, on the international stage of the world, she also dragged her back to Taiwan.

In the past, a long list of honorary titles - principal dancer of Martha Graham Dance Company, "Martha Graham Descendant" in the mouth of American media, and the youngest winner of the National Art and Literature Award - these weights have not shackled Xu Fangyi, Xu Fangyi has the courage to break the game in the unknown and break his own game in the past. I was curious about her.

Image source| "The Cultivation of a Common Girl"

The "light of Taiwan" in other people's people, when they look at themselves, they just think of "becoming their own light".

Xu Fangyi's "My Heart I Can" film uses modern dance and documentaries to tell touching life stories. From childhood to the road of dancer, from the desperate hunger and thirst of New York to the return of fallen leaves, this is the story of Xu Fangyi and a dreamer, and you can see your own body when you look at it.

I laughed and said that I didn't expect to see so many with more than 200 yuan for movie tickets, as well as international modern dance performances. Xu Fangyi said after listening that the work extends through the life of the audience, and out of 3,000 viewers, there are 3,000 works, "That's the warmest thing."

Desire is a powerful force, not satisfied, is a kind of rarity

"My Heart I Can" opens, Xu Fangyi lies in an ice coffin with her eyes closed, and yesterday she died yesterday. Step off the International Dance Company ship and sail yourself, don't you hesitate? Which break was the most hesitant?

Xu Fangyi looked at me and said without hesitation, "Every time."

"When you're confused and hesitant, that's when you want to change. Do you start thinking, 'Is that all?' Begin to feel inadequate, want to change because of inadequacy, and once the power to change comes, people will begin to ask themselves questions. Not satisfied, can create the motivation to change, that is very rare."

(Extended reading: Xu Fangyi's article| Living well is the basic for people to continue to dream)

Photo courtesy of | movie "My Heart I Can" (stills artist Cai Zhengtai)

Xu Fangyi said that people who are inertial and conscious, their lives will be constantly adjusted and changed. "When you're in a good place, with a good salary, with good conditions, and when everything is fine, why do you have to ask yourself, is that the only way? Of course, when these question marks come out, if you are willing to dig again, you will definitely feel that you should be more than that. That might mean that what's available isn't enough."

When the question mark continues to surface consciousness, there is no try, take the initiative to break the game, empty and other external changes, people are trapped in questions and confusion.

There is a loss behind any answer, and even if there are thousands of reasons after choosing, they support themselves

"The only thing you can find out is to try it." Just start trying. In the beginning, there must be changes, changes in some part of your life: your thinking will begin to change, your routine will begin to change, your desires will begin to change. Desire is a very powerful force."

Xu Fangyi said that she has always changed. "In fact, every decision, I ask myself thoroughly, after burning my brain to make a decision, I will 100% support my decision."

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Photo courtesy of | movie "My Heart I Can" (stills artist Cai Zhengtai)

Any answer has a wins and losses, and no choice is 100 points. "On this basis, tell yourself that the decision I made today is 11,000 negative reasons, and I will support it." It must have shortcomings, but it reminds you to choose very wholeheartedly and then go for it. When I make choices, I tend to fall on one side."

Xu Fangyi left Martha Gram for a large part because she wanted to co-create with a living choreographer through her body. Martha Graham was no longer alive.

"Performers want to work with creators to generate works, get to know each other, learn more, not just watch past videos to practice."

To leave, she thought of the worst. "I first think about the worst situation: the body I care about the most, is it still capable of continuing to live? Living and feeding is very realistic. Without this income, can I still dream? To be alive is to dream, this is the most basic thing."

Xu Fangyi also gave herself a deadline. "There is no deadline as if there is no pressure, and time pressure is also a stop point in life to a certain extent, which makes you feel that it is too late and that there is no opportunity." You want to rush faster and don't dare to waste time."

When you're confused, the only thing you can find the answer to is to give it a try. Just start trying. In the beginning, there will be changes.

Xu Fangyi

Breaking the bureau set up by oneself, nothing is in vain

Making a movie is a joint creation that gathers the strength of everyone, Xu Fangyi said, this movie is to break the game. "I broke the bureau I set up for myself when I was 19, and this bureau is called a professional dancer."

Since she decided to become a professional dancer at the age of 19, her life has changed and become regular: there are rules for the body, discipline in life, and rules and reasons for being a person.

"It's all basic accumulation, especially the rules of the body. To do this, I hope to become a painter of my own body, wander freely, and draw a painting of my own body on the stage, without worrying about the line not being straight and the angle is not enough. I usually practice all the time, draw a diamond a month, and in the end I don't have to ask you again, is this right? It's not too big or too small, is this color enough, is this what you see?"

For three decades, shuttling through stages, restaurants, and airports, performing and rehearsing non-stop, Xu Fangyi frankly said that the bodies of professional dancers are sometimes like commodities, flowing through the dancing human flesh market. She still loves acting, but she also began to think, is she the only way of life as a professional dancer? "I can change my attitude, but my attitude won't go away," she said.

At the beginning of the movie "My Heart I Can", Martha Graham is quoted as saying that dancers experience death twice in their lives, the first time is when the dancer no longer dances. Xu Fangyi didn't completely agree, "I think 20, 30, 40, any age, even every day, you can experience a little death, because you will have to say goodbye to something."

Photo courtesy of | movie "My Heart I Can" (stills artist Cai Zhengtai)

"Life has reached a threshold, no matter how old you are, you don't have to be 50 or 60 years old, maybe just 38 years old is on a hurdle, you feel that there are some things to say goodbye, that is also a kind of farewell. The point is, what to say goodbye to? After saying goodbye, it's like a concept of washing and cleansing, because I'm ready, it's a very pure conversation and communication with myself."

Being older doesn't mean you can't continue to dream. Xu Fangyi said that one of her favorite sentences is this: "People will not be unable to fulfill their dreams because they are old, but they will grow old because they do not have dreams."

After breaking the game, it is the vision of the new road

No longer focusing only on dance, Xu Fangyi found that dance is not just dance, dance has made her know more about the body. "Dance is a medium for knowing yourself. I fell in love with dancing first, but really, taking a step back, I realized that it was all the charm of the body. Then I will settle down and be a person who is obsessed with the body. Because it is the body, the possibility and the space, are the widest."

Xu Fangyi said that he stroked his palm and smiled, I am such a person who can find a way for himself."

Don't get tangled up in the four words of professional dancer, after breaking the game, you have the freedom to pursue. Xu Fangyi asked me a question, and also gave it to the reader to think about: Once the favorite, but when it hindered you, do you want to leave?

Now, Xu Fangyi is based on dance, with the body as the main axis, she said, as long as there is sunlight and nutrients, the branches and leaves can spread out very much, and nothing will be in vain.

"It's like sinking everything into your pocket and storing it in your body, and now I don't see it, because I don't need it yet, and one day, the folder you need, it will run out on its own."

Later, Xu Fangyi also choreographed, wrote, and also starred in movies. The body can not only be placed in the theater, when the stage becomes a mountain and the sea, she believes that this stage still exists.

Photo courtesy | Xu Fangyi & Artist 

The body should be happy and be the magic lamp of your own body

Xu Fangyi's classroom is called Body to Be Happy.

She was alone in New York, and when she was depressed and insecure, her body was like shrinking in a snail's shell, and the more she thought, the more anxious and fearful she became. "At that moment, I put my body in a very out of control, no dominance."

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It is also because of this that the body reminds her of one thing, why is the mind that dominates everything? Can't stand being nestled in the bed, making it like a snail, she knows that she must change the current state of her body, "whether it is going outside to constantly walk, or constantly tidying things up at home, it is to make the body produce behavioral changes, and preferably without thinking about changes."

"For example, do the basic movements of dance practice, do it all the time, or walk until you sweat, walk from Uptown to Central Park, and when you are tired, lie down on the turf and stretch in the sun. After moving, I suddenly found that my body gradually became stronger. If you add a little assistance, whether it is music or sunlight, when the emotions and pressure of the body are completely released, even if the legs suddenly erupt, you will feel that the physical strength begins to grow."

"You may not be able to solve the problem in the moment, but you will find your sanity and no longer be eroded into a black hole, eaten by fear and unknown social imagination, and that is the first time I feel the feeling of my body saving itself."

Spiritual care alone is not enough, body and mind are a group. "The body is also like another friend, you can start asking, what makes your body happy? Perhaps the most fundamental state is to avoid illness, which is the basic disk of the body. If you already have it, then let's start making wishes, be the magic lamp of our own body, enjoy the wishes of the body, and slowly fulfill them one by one."

When you shrink into a snail, changing your physical state may not solve the problem immediately, but you will find your sanity and not be eaten into a black hole by fear and unknown social imagination.

Xu Fangyi

Wanting is more important than need

Facing desire, whether physical or mental, may seem intuitive, but it is actually difficult. "The current living environment is too rich and accessible. Everything is relatively easy, so it's hard to feel lacking."

Xu Fangyi gave an example, very direct, if you are very hungry, even if you don't have much at hand, you will find a way to get something to eat. But you're not hungry, and if more five-star chefs bring dishes to you, you'll take a look and say, oh."

Now too much is just thinking about it, which means that there is no need. You have to ask yourself, what do you want? Who wants that? How is it done? When will it be done?

Xu Fangyi

"Needs are not important, wants, more important than needs," Ms. Xu said.

There is a passage in Xu Fangyi's book "My Heart and My Action" to mark her sentence, she wrote: "Facing desire can make people see the goal, facing fear can make people see the problem, which is equivalent to finding the answer." Only by facing can we have the opportunity to dominate, and only by dominating can we see the advantages."

Want, let people see the goal. To face is to have the opportunity to dominate yourself. The body is happy and can guide the mind. Break the game, pursue the path you want, and you will be able to create yourself.

Postscript to the interview

Xu Fangyi said that she hadn't seen a movie for a long time. The last time I watched it was "Defenders".

She likes to defend the protagonist in the warrior, "Don't cling to the powerful and find something that has nothing to do with you, because there is no time, that kind of concentration and concentration, it is a very pure and beautiful thing."

"And you know what? I watched it three times."

I opened my eyes and asked why, and she said that the play was like this: "It is a person, who knows that he is standing in his own place, a stage he has created." She paused, "I read it three times, just to read that sentence."