In recent years, Japan and South Korea have set off a trend of "friendship marriage", which makes people wonder, can two people who are not lovers also form a family? What do I need to pay attention to before starting a family?
Edited by Haoting
Are you single and facing the pressure of being urged to get married? Or as an unmarried person, as you get older, you start to worry that you will not be cared for in old age?
In recent years, as Japanese society has entered an aging population with a declining birthrate, a trend of "friendship marriage" has emerged, advocating a cohabitation life between two people with similar values and personalities who do not want to be bound by traditional family roles, and also reflects the potential demand of contemporary people who "do not desire romantic relationships" but still "want to have family warmth".
What are the characteristics of "friendship marriage"? What do I need to pay attention to before entering into friendship marriage? If you're curious about new relationships, read on!
Regardless of gender, not lovers, but living together like family
Cases of cohabitation based on friendship are not only in Japan, but also in South Korea.
In 2021, two 40-year-old South Korean women, Kim Ha-na and Hwang Sun-woo, co-published "Two Women Live Together: A Cohabiting Generation Who Is Not About Love", sharing their exciting and interesting cohabitation experiences.
After working in Seoul for more than ten years, the two each enjoyed 20 years of living alone, and although their lives were very comfortable, they also yearned for a life accompanied by someone in their hearts.
As friends, the two are not same-sex couples and less bound by marriage, they choose to buy a house together, raise 4 cats together, form an alternative family together, and enter a long-term and stable cohabitation relationship.
The book also records the real events that happened after the two lived together: when the hoarding patient met the minimalist, the cooking hard hand met the cooking genius, only then did he know that friends would also quarrel and need to run in. You do laundry, cook, I sweep the floor, dry clothes, and live a simple day, eating and drinking together, and taking care of each other when you're sick.
"What a person makes is a memory, but together with others it can become a memory; We decided to live together, create double happiness, and go through the twists and turns of life together."
Photo by KoolShooters on Pexels
No sex, less burden, keep the light freedom when single
Nakamura Mitsusa, head of COLORUS, Japan's largest friendship marriage agency, once said: "The so-called friendship marriage is an ordinary marriage that eliminates sexual relationships."
In traditional marriage relationships, once two people form a family through marriage, the ensuing legal constraints, moral framework, and social responsibilities often make many modern people feel pressure.
In friendship marriage, the relationship between the two is equal, and it is free from the projection of family roles, no longer whose daughter-in-law and whose son-in-law, no need to support each other's parents, no pressure to inherit the family, live in their own rooms, have the balance of daily life, and still be able to live independently and freely.
This new type of "home" creates new options for "marriage phobies" and "unmarried people", who do not have to be cornered by existing concepts, but can also seek the greatest personal space for themselves and expand more possibilities for people's understanding of marriage.
Photo by Trung Nguyen on Pexels
Enter 5 discussions of friendship before marriage
Seeing this, is it a little moved by the "friendship marriage"? "Friendship marriage" seems to be easy, but in essence, it is still living with another person, and it is necessary to have a more comprehensive understanding of each other in order to make the relationship go in the long run. Here are 5 key points to consider when entering a "friendship marriage":
1. Are their living habits acceptable to each other?
Do I have to put away my bed when I get up in the morning? How do you squeeze toothpaste? Should meals be served at the table, or can it be accompanied by a TV? Although living habits need to be run-in, if you can discuss the places that you care about before living together, it will reduce a lot of opportunities for quarrels!
2. Can the personalities of the two match?
One person has a big personality, but the other person is very particular, such a combination, some will be noisy, some can tolerate each other, it all depends on whether the two can get along in terms of personality balance. Before deciding on a candidate, remember to observe how you feel with the other person – do you feel comfortable with him? Or does one party often feel aggrieved?
(Guess you want to see: [Women's Family Guide] Home after marriage: Why do you keep space with each other and the relationship can go further? ）
3. Are their respective economic resources stable enough?
"Friendship marriage" has no established division of family roles, but daily eating, drinking, and Lasa is an unavoidable reality. How can utilities, gas, maintenance costs, and grocery shopping be shared with each other? Can the economic level of the two support themselves and not drag each other down? It is necessary to coordinate the distribution of money beforehand, so that it is not easy to move towards an irreparable situation!
4. Are there any conflicts of values other than love?
Living under the same roof and being the most common people with each other, if there are big differences in values such as political leanings, principles of life, and order of life, there may be spats between words. Of course, it is normal for the three views to be incompatible, and two people can respect and understand each other, and find cognitive balance in order to go for a long time.
5. Is there still a desire in your heart for love?
Entering into a friendship marriage does not guarantee that you will not fall in love one day in the future. If one day, one of the people has to end the relationship with a close friend because he is in love with others, how should the other person face it? How do two people finish up? If you can clarify each other's imagination of the future and reach a consensus, you will have a higher sense of trust after living together!
Today, Taiwan's single population exceeds 6 million, and the traditional understanding of marriage and family can no longer meet the needs of modern people for intimacy in this rapidly changing era.
The emergence of "friendship marriage" not only shows the diverse faces of friendship, but also allows us to see another imagination of "home" in the new era.