Choose the flood of dating generations, if you don't crave immediate passionate love, then let's go back to slow dating at the core of love and connection, maybe you will reap sweet powder like marshmallow!
Woman Fan Editor Maggie
"If there is magic in this world, it must be to do your best to understand someone and share their sufferings." If you're a fan of the classic romance movie Love at the Dawn, you know that this is a conversation between a man and a woman strolling through the streets of Vienna to get closer to each other.
It's been nearly 30 years since the first meeting of the film's protagonists, Jesse and Celine, and like Y2K's counterattack, all pops can see old-school values, and so does dating.
Meeting, kissing, and having sex in a one-night fast-food relationship is no longer uncommon, and if you are tired of going back and forth in the dating market, it may be time to slow down and have a slow date that values quality rather than weight.
Image | IMDb
What is slow dating?
With the popularity of dating software, we are bombarded with endless choices, if we want to have an endless stream of dates, then when we realize that the other person is not interested in us, we need to quickly collect our emotions and turn around and enter the dating market again.
Slow dating, as the antithesis of fast food dating, is a form of dating that takes time and sincerity. It requires the two to take the time to get to know each other better, unhurriedly like a slow simmer, and let the relationship naturally heat up.
In fact, the retro of slow dating probably fell after Covid 19 dissipated, and during the epidemic, because people can no longer go out on dates at will, there is an opportunity to stop and think carefully about their mate selection conditions. Research by the Kinsey Institute shows that when the pandemic dissipates and people re-enter the dating space, 44% say that "commitment" is more important than "sex"; Nearly four-in-ten said they wanted to know each other longer before deciding whether to develop a relationship, and the old-school slow dating trend was on the rise.
(Guess what you wanted: [New York Metropolitan Love] Those fast-food romances that happened at Happy Hour)
Image | IMDb
Am I suitable for a slow date?
So who is suitable for this slow-paced slow dating?
Perhaps you can judge whether you have the physique of slow dating through the following advantages and disadvantages of slow dating.
Advantages of slow dating
- Continuing the beauty of the ambiguous period:
In the context of fast food love, although we have the opportunity to meet more people, most of us have only a shallow relationship with each other, disposable meal friends. Without deep friendship with each partner, we can only distract ourselves from our desire for intimacy by talking, dating, and sleeping with different people.
Compared with fast food love, although when you are in slow love, you will not quickly have a chemical reaction with each other from physical and erotic contact, but slowly advancing the relationship, in addition to allowing you to prolong the ambiguous time, can also have more room to know each other, so it is not a bad thing.
- Show your true charm: If your charm doesn't come from the outside, slow dating will be a time for you to show off different aspects of yourself and get to know the multiple faces of the other person. And if both parties are looking forward to developing into long-term partners, you can also avoid both parties just spinning around in sexual passion, so slow dating is also very suitable for intellectual or asexual people.
- See the real appearance of the date: Slow dating is conscious, advancing the relationship at a slower pace, and the gradual process makes the most real and natural side of the date show up little by little, so you have more evidence to judge whether the other person is enough to be your partner.
Image | IMDb
Disadvantages of slow dating
- It takes time without necessarily developing a stable relationship
If you only want to meet your physical needs, then slow dating may not be suitable for you, because when slow dating invests a lot of time, there is no guarantee that two people who know each other deeply will be able to fall in love, and the sunk cost may be too high for people who only seek physical care.
- Lose the filter of seasickness and discover the uncuteness of the other party
Even if you try to present the best in front of the ambiguous object, the longer you spend together, the more likely it is that you will find each other unlovable. Therefore, while trying to get close to each other, they may lose the beautiful illusions generated by the unknown, and then lose the urge to communicate.
- FOMO mentality
Since human beings are essentially social animals eager to connect with others and obsessed with love, in a world where partners are oversaturated and choices are flooded, we can easily swipe left and right, and if you change to the form of slow dating, it is difficult to determine whether you are the right person in front of you, and the FOMO (fear of missing) mentality for fear of missing out on a better object may make it difficult for you to enjoy dating.
In a nutshell, if your charm comes from within you, from your words; Or if you don't expect to advance the relationship quickly and want to get to know your date more deeply before deciding whether to date, then slow down, you may have the physique of a slow date!
Image | IMDb
"Love at the Dawn Breaks" Slow dating itinerary proposal
If after reading the above analysis, you still want to have a slow date that continues the ambiguous afterglow, I want to take you to see Jesse and Celine's slow dating model through the movie "Love at Dawn", and at the same time savor the beauty of slow dating.
- Use dialogue to advance relationships
Without involvement in the flesh and lust, you can talk about the concept of love, the view of life, and the view of money. Something like Celine's question to Jesse, "Have you ever met someone with a happy marriage?" With such a simple question, Celine can learn that Jesse's vision of love is "two people who don't know how to be alone and escape together." , thereby extending the other party's answer and leading to their own views on marriage. Don't be afraid that these questions will manifest themselves naked, because they can help you clarify whether your values are aligned, and may also be a fuel for the relationship.
Assuming you really don't know what to ask, you can also refer to the theory proposed by psychologist Arthur Aron - after two strangers ask 36 specially designed questions, they will become emotional and fall in love with each other, and carefully observe whether each other has a little more heartwarming feeling after asking the questions.
- Wandering aimlessly
"Only when we take a walk we really talk, old-school talk"
From record stores to amusement parks to cafes to churches, Jesse and Celine walk through more than a dozen scenes in one night, showing simple conversations, there may be moments when the topic runs dry, but when you switch scenes, these scenes become a thrill and stimulate you to start a different conversation. For example, when passing by the Club, Jesse can naturally ask Celine if she goes in for a drink, and the yellow soup is slightly drunk after the stomach, so the two can ask about relatively sensitive ex-topics, so as to learn more detailed love experiences of each other.
- Enjoy the present moment and don't rush to define relationships and give commitments
Jesse and Celine only met for one night, they are in no hurry to define the relationship, and most of the time they enjoy the most authentic feelings of the moment, as Celine puts it, "as if our time together belongs only to us". Perhaps the removal of purposeful relationships can help you think about the possibility of continued development of both parties from a more rational perspective.
(Same scene plus screening: Discuss 36 sweet questions and answers with his crush, and after asking, you know if you can become a couple!) ）
Image | IMDb
Don't panic, the sincerity and courage to love in every relationship are commendable.
Even if it takes a long time to bump into true love on this road to love, when true love happens, you will be glad that you chose the slow philosophy. One day, a slowly burning love will eventually develop into a passionate spark; One day you will feel the gaze always looking at you when you look away.
So fear not, have an old-school slow date!