The darker the hour, the more generous it is to be to others. This gives strength to oneself as well as strength to others.
Recent Metoo events are intensive, and if you see more, there may be many physical and mental fluctuations, or even vicarious trauma. During this period, occasionally remind yourself to get up from the sofa and go out for a walk and walk now; Or spend time with loved ones, put down your phone appropriately, and stay away from the community.
In dark times, choose goodness
In dark times, try to be generous, kind, and warm to yourself, to others, and to strangers. In your own heart, light a candlelight. Being generous to others fills your heart with soft energy.
During this period, I had a friend who helped the elderly selling flowers on the side of the road, supporting each other's livelihood, looking at the scene of the other party looking for a wallet in his hand, and instantly I felt a warm current, softening a certain pain and stiffness in me, obviously not a personal action for me, but I could feel healed.
When we are generous to others, or are helped, or even just witness others being helped, there is a soft warm current in our hearts that gently caresses us. There is also research on the fact that kindness and generosity can establish a circuit that positively affects emotional health.
"Richard. Richard Davidson is a neuroscientist who brings together neuroimaging research to put together the "happy brain theory." The human brain has four circuits that affect long-term emotional health, and one of the four circuits contributes to generosity." ——Excerpt from "Last Encounter, We Only Talk About Joy"
If you're also feeling hard during this time, we can do these three things
No one is born with an endless stream of positive emotional energy, which needs to be consciously nourished and watered. If during this time, you sometimes feel hard and anxious, you can try to do this (which is also my reminder exercise for myself):
- Write down 1~3 people and things that you are grateful for today/experiences that evoke happiness every day.
- Tell your family and friends that you cherish and appreciate their presence.
- A little more smile or kind interaction with strangers.
Think back to the happiness experience, remind yourself that there is still a good side of life, and feel the nourishment and blessing of the universe.
Tell your family and friends how you cherish and thank them, people do not exist independently, there are always times when you fall and get hurt, when you have no ability and no energy, it is the people around you who build a moat for us and give us the strength and courage to believe again.
Be more kind and generous to strangers, especially at times like these. At the convenience store checkout, look into the other person's eyes and sincerely say "thank you"; When interacting with strangers, greet them briskly and wish them a good day.
Sometimes you don't know that maybe just like this, you can become his bright spot today, so you can have a little more trust in the world and see the brilliance of human nature a little more.
Or perhaps, this brisk warm current can soften a certain corner of the hard and painful heart of the other party. In Metoo, everyone is suffering from debridement.
There are survivors around, don't ask for information and gossip
If there are survivors around, you can offer support, but don't ask for information, listen to gossip, or spread rumors. Because these are second-degree injuries, it is the reason why many survivors choose to "not say".
Each survivor's experience is unique and unrepeated, and we cannot infer B with A's experience, nor can we expect C with B's reaction. Every survivor has the right to choose to "say" or "not to say" and pursue his or her own healing justice and peaceful life in different ways. This is something that no one other than the person concerned can say.
Survivors, like all human beings, have their own subjectivity. Unless the survivor tells you that he wants you to speak for him, do not speak for the survivor's experience lightly, and do not publicly disclose survivor information without consent.
Encountering sexual harassment/sexual violence/power sexual assault is an act of the perpetrator trying to take away the survivor's "subjectivity/subject position" through sex. People who support survivors need to pay attention to whether your solidarity will also rob the survivor's "subjectivity/subject position" in the process and preset it for him without authorization.
That's why many survivors choose anonymity.
Some survivors, who took a long time, have become light and do not want to mention it again; Others are still deeply wounded and are still healing themselves. In either case, everyone should have the right not to be "endorsed" or "discussed" rudely. Surviving experience exists not to accomplish the justice of any other, but to heal itself.
If "unfamiliar friends" are survivors
If your friend is a survivor, or you think a potential survivor, the best support may not be a direct message to him, saying that you can understand and know what he went through, and you are sympathetic and want to greet him.
The truth is that even if he tells him about his experience, just a few thousand words are not enough to let people know what he went through. A sudden message may also be a disturbing to the survivors, because you don't know what state the other person is in.
Some survivors want to be cared for and empathize, while others don't want to be sympathetic to the weak.
Compassion, sometimes pushing the other person into a "powerless" position, puts oneself in a "more powerful" role, contrary to the original intention of giving support. In fact, no one has ever been powerless, but this experience happens to survivors.
Gentleness is the belief that everyone has strength, that we are allies, that we do not walk in front and higher, nor in the back or lower, that you are shoulder to shoulder.
In the face of unfamiliar friends, you can express in your community:
- "Regardless of the survivors around me, whether they choose to say it or not, I will support the potential survivors around me."
- "I would like to provide ______
Survivors will take the initiative to tell you if needed, and even if they don't, survivors can feel supported.
If a friend is a survivor
If you have a close friend who is a survivor, you have heard his story, you know his state, and at these times, you can tell the other person that you will be a force to support him. For example:
- "In these times, if you need it, I am willing to support you and become your resource."
- Or, you can express love and care through your usual interactions.
If you feel that you also need to take care of yourself, you can't be the other person's physical and mental soft resources, but if you want to express your support for him, you can also express it in your unique way and tacit understanding.
Life is a long way off, and everyone falls and gets hurt. It is not easy to choose generosity and kindness, but the more you act like this, the more powerful you are.
I hope that everyone can continue to feel the love and generosity of the community around you, and may we continue to give trust and love. Be kind in difficult times。