What is the line of sexual harassment? Want to make friends but are afraid of being #MeToo? Three key points of dating: confirm your willingness and don't pursue it too much

After several waves of #Metoo incidents, many public figures accused of being perpetrators apologized for the distress and discomfort of the other party, but also felt deeply aggrieved, emphasizing that there was a difference in perception between the two sides and that they did not intend to force or harass at that time.

If you don't want to be #Metoo, you need to actively study relationships and understand the basics of interpersonal interaction. If you have been accused and feel innocent and wronged, this article may be able to solve your confusion; If you're in an intimate relationship, here are some guidelines to help you feel more comfortable emotionally and practice building enjoyable and good interpersonal interactions.

First, open your mouth to ask, repeatedly confirm that it is not annoying: say some sexy and romantic questions

Agreeing on clear boundaries is awkward for many people, so there is often no clear consensus on the expression of interest/lust. If you don't have to say it, then it's especially important to ask for confirmation.

Can you associate with me? Confession courtship does this:

Perhaps when feelings arise and want to pursue, but there is no suitable way to express them, many people are influenced by news and film dramas, thinking of stalking harassment, strong kissing, pounce and even sexual assault. But these practices are mostly bizarre and offensive behaviors in the eyes of the other party, causing a lifetime of fear and trauma.

Photo by Mansado Louis on Unsplash

Therefore, the best way to bravely confess is to bravely confess than to open a yellow cavity, touch a body part, or even have sex, to test the will, or guess the progress of the relationship. A bit of ritual on the occasion of the confession, carefully creating the atmosphere, and specifying the qualities of appreciation and the value shared by the two in the confession can greatly increase the chances of success.

If you get vague answers, such as "not ready" or "not sure", it may mean that you misjudged the timing, but there is still a chance to try again. When repeatedly rejected or explicitly rejected, it is rational and graceful to accept good, which can avoid hurting and wasting each other.

Can I do this? When it comes to intimate behavior, you should ask these questions:

Confirming the will is not as difficult as you think. "Wouldn't that be too much just now?" "Do you feel uncomfortable saying/doing this?" "Sorry, I just didn't know you didn't like it"... These daily confirmation and apology and negotiation processes can also bring the relationship closer.

Confirming one's wishes in an emotional way requires a tacit understanding between each other, as well as a little thought and practice. Many articles (e.g., "Teach You Smart Wording, Ask for Agreeability Without Embarrassment", "35 Sentence Patterns for Asking for Consent") have mentioned methods for asking for consent. Not only to ask whether to do or not to ask, but also to ask what posture and rhythm to use, which are the "soft bottom lines" to discuss, and which are the "hard bottom lines" absolutely inviolable.

(Read more: "Informed consent" pluralistic open relationship is a new moral option for pluralistic social relations)

In the process, both parties will have the opportunity to confirm each other's feelings and explore various possibilities together, and these topics become discussions in the relationship to coordinate the relationship and even enhance emotions.

Even if it was originally a hook-up occasion and the two sides had exchanged obvious hints, if you can get a final gentle inquiry before starting, such as confirming "Is it okay" and "Do you really want to do it with me", you can feel respected and cared for. And if the answer is yes, the answer after each question must be Yes.

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If you notice a hint of hesitation, you should reconfirm your wishes with your partner out of partnership. Halfway through, noticing that the other person has a strange expression and wandering eyes, and reiterating that "rejection is acceptable" will be very helpful. When the other party is not sure, being guided to think about it once, knowing that you always have the right to say no and shout to stop makes people feel more firm and at ease.

If handled properly, these are romantic topics that can be used to enhance the foundation of mutual trust.

Second, do not pursue excessively, and do not use power to achieve goals

Applying pressure, taking advantage of people's dangers, or using the power of position to induce the other party to agree to a relationship or even sex will most likely only lead to the deterioration of the relationship and will not help promote the development of the relationship. Especially in terms of duties or other powers, when there is a relationship between two people, it is more important to obtain the explicit consent of the other party, rather than using ambiguous language and situations to speculate on wishes and wishful thinking.

The purpose of the stalking and harassment prevention law is to prevent violations of the privacy and physical and mental safety of others for various reasons. The use of intensive stalking, phone or information harassment, or even threats and intimidation to actively pursue or seek reunion will create great fear for the victim and is often counterproductive.

Rejection is an opportunity to care about the other person's state

The decision to invest emotionally, enter a relationship, or participate in a sexual act is mostly a major decision, requiring mental preparation, practice, and the foundation of mutual trust and trust on both sides. Therefore, saying no does not necessarily mean that you are disgusted, bored, or want to end the relationship. You don't have to be forever frustrated, self-doubtful because of rejection.

(Guess you like: good man psychology: no longer suffer from love, you need to learn to observe, practice to want, hold up rejection)

Sudden rejection of sexual relations can be a sign that the other person is facing major physical and mental changes, or it may be a sudden disdesire that is not necessarily for a clear reason. Try to ask, understand and understand the psychological and physical state of the other person, and re-examine the challenges and obstacles in the relationship, and have a better chance of warming up the relationship and moving to the next stage and going longer.

Timely companionship, communication and waiting, temporarily giving each other a little space, can create a more comfortable relationship atmosphere and create the next opportunity. Urgent staring and crazy courtship are not good methods, after all, only with the active cooperation of both parties can the relationship go long, right?

Third, don't use sex to save emotions, don't use sexual experience as a weapon

Sex is an important component of a love relationship and may also be an intermediate process in maintaining a relationship. Sex can be fun, it can be a responsibility, it can be the basis of a relationship, but it is never a race or a weapon.

When there is an argument between two people and one of them has done wrong, sitting down and talking about the desire to resolve the misunderstanding, express communication or apologize is much more important and practical than using sex to divert attention and compensate. Blindly using sex to solve problems not only fails to enjoy pleasant feelings, but may also hide the problem deeper and push the already serious relationship into the abyss.

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Moreover, how many people have done it, whether they have enjoyed it, or what the situation is, are not badges for ostentation or weapons to slander others. If there are video recordings or other records in the process, do not convey them to others without the consent of the other party, or even disclose them to the public.

When the relationship is over, calm down and rationally discuss how to break up properly. When cleaning up items, it is also necessary to carefully discuss the whereabouts of items and files related to sex and emotional relationships. Whether deleted or sealed, gossip or even the original archive should not be allowed to circulate. This will cause immeasurable distress and harm to both parties, forming hidden worries that cannot be put aside for a long time.

Learn to be gentle in relationships

Trying the same way and practicing to be cautious and gentle with those around you is a lifelong task. Any rashness, roughness, recklessness or assertiveness can cause harm and cause irreparable mistakes. Learning to be accepted and liked can naturally enhance relationships and increase opportunities for interaction in the next step of polite inquiry.